u/DirectorSufficient74

I'm not really even expecting answers, I kind of just need to shout at the void. Im 25, living with chronic pain, not being able to work. Bf is basically never home due to work and I'm slowly realizing we doesnt share the same values and moral and its bugging me more and more. I've moved so all my family is at least 1 hour away and I dont even own a car so I cant visit them regularly. I avoid talking to them as much as possible because I'm afraid that they could tell I'm actually not okay at all and I dont want to make them any more worried than I already do. I feel mentally and emotionally unstable. It has been worse since I've moved as the feeling of loneliness just grew bigger. I feel like a ghost in my own life, like the world forgot me.

Does anyone ever feels so lonely that it gets all cold and you start shivering ?

I dont want to be with people, but I'll cry on my kitchen floor for feeling alone. It doesnt even make sense at this point, I just feel confused.

I dont know no one here in this city I didnt want to move in anyway, I just never wanted this. Never wanted to be stuck in a cage all by my own. I think I've lost my dreams and hopes along the way, nothing even motivates me anymore. I've seriously given up.

I'm numbing myself with multiple joints a day and video games, especially WoW lately. I'm ashamed to say but my teammate is literally the only person I talk to aside from my non existent boyfriend. Though he doesnt know, I've developped kind of an unhealthy attachment to him that I'm confining deep down into the depths of my soul to not be fucking creepy. He left for a 2 weeks vacation yesterday, and I just acted all excited because I really am glad for him, but I'm literally devastated. Thats how lonely I am. I'm not even sure if I actually enjoy the game or if I just play to not be alone and stay with him sometimes because he just feels so safe to me. I'm terrified he ends up realizing it.

I just really had to get this off my chest. This feels good.

So, I'm probably not the first person who wants to make a video game from 0 with absolutely no knowledge, no team and very, VERY limited funds. I just wanted to ask people HOW hard it is to learn and work with Unreal Engine ? Is there a lot of free assets or do you need to pay for most of them ?

I don't have any buisness project, I'd just love to play a game that I created just for my own enjoyment, and the one of people who'd want to play it. I'm into the very niche "horse games community" and basically horse games are disappointments after disappointments, scams after scams, or they get abandonned before even launching ... A lot of us are reminiscing about the old "Pippa Funnell" games (or, Horsez, or Alexandra Ledermann, depending on where you live) ; no agressive paywalls, actually interesting storylines, wonky but really nostalgic horses assets/animations, good cozy gameplay ...

I'd love to make something along the lines of those old horse games I enjoyed so much when I was a kid. A kind of Pippa Funnell v2, but enhanced, with a small explorable open world, tasks, quests, objectives, a training/eventing system, and a main storyline with a mystery to solve. I wouldnt even focus much on how good it looks but mainly on the story itself.

I wouldnt be pressured with time or anything, as it would be purely for my own enjoyment. How hard, how much and how long would it be to make a game from 0 with assets and little to no use of AI ? How difficult and how long would it be for a beginner to understand how to work with Unreal Engine ? Is it even a realistic project ?

Thanks for reading me guys, have a good day :)