u/DirtAggressive1819

I'm feeling really lost and could use some outside perspective on a difficult situation in my relationship.
For background, I have never been able to reach an orgasm (primary anorgasmia). I don't take any medication that would affect it, and I've tried for years using different techniques and toys, but nothing works. It got to the point where trying just brought me intense frustration and emotional exhaustion, so I honestly just gave up on the idea of having an orgasm to protect my mental peace.
Because of this years-long struggle, my libido is completely gone. I have zero initiative to start anything sexual. Even on a good, calm day with no stress, I just don't have the desire to do anything sexual, not even the simpler things he likes. I could honestly go a long time without sex and be completely fine.
This has become a major issue because, for my boyfriend, physical intimacy is a crucial way to feel loved and connected. Our mismatched needs are causing a lot of tension.
Sometimes I'll try to initiate something just to make an effort for him, but my body often just shuts down and I can't follow through. He gets very frustrated and says I'm leading him on. I know he feels rejected and undesired, but in his frustration, he makes comments that really hurt my feelings.
For example, he mentions feeling jealous of other couples who "don't have sexual problems" and get to experience different things together. Recently, he expressed that because I never seduce him or show initiative, he finds himself desiring women on the internet more than me. He clarifies that it's not that I'm unattractive (he does give me compliments), but he feels I just "don't use my beauty" to seduce him. He implies he feels forced to look at other options online to satisfy himself since I am not initiating.
I know he is hurting and frustrated by my lack of sex drive, but hearing these things makes me feel like I am broken, abnormal, and completely failing as a partner. Intimacy just feels like a heavy chore now where I'm constantly disappointing him.
Am I the problem here? Is it normal to completely lose your sex drive after years of not being able to orgasm? How can we navigate this massive gap in our needs without hurting each other? Any advice is appreciated.

I'm feeling really lost and could use some outside perspective on a difficult situation in my relationship.
For background, I have never been able to reach an orgasm (primary anorgasmia). I don't take any medication that would affect it, and I've tried for years using different techniques and toys, but nothing works. It got to the point where trying just brought me intense frustration and emotional exhaustion, so I honestly just gave up on the idea of having an orgasm to protect my mental peace.
Because of this years-long struggle, my libido is completely gone. I have zero initiative to start anything sexual. Even on a good, calm day with no stress, I just don't have the desire to do anything sexual, not even the simpler things he likes. I could honestly go a long time without sex and be completely fine.
This has become a major issue because, for my boyfriend, physical intimacy is a crucial way to feel loved and connected. Our mismatched needs are causing a lot of tension.
Sometimes I'll try to initiate something just to make an effort for him, but my body often just shuts down and I can't follow through. He gets very frustrated and says I'm leading him on. I know he feels rejected and undesired, but in his frustration, he makes comments that really hurt my feelings.
For example, he mentions feeling jealous of other couples who "don't have sexual problems" and get to experience different things together. Recently, he expressed that because I never seduce him or show initiative, he finds himself desiring women on the internet more than me. He clarifies that it's not that I'm unattractive (he does give me compliments), but he feels I just "don't use my beauty" to seduce him. He implies he feels forced to look at other options online to satisfy himself since I am not initiating.
I know he is hurting and frustrated by my lack of sex drive, but hearing these things makes me feel like I am broken, abnormal, and completely failing as a partner. Intimacy just feels like a heavy chore now where I'm constantly disappointing him.
Am I the problem here? Is it normal to completely lose your sex drive after years of not being able to orgasm? How can we navigate this massive gap in our needs without hurting each other? Any advice is appreciated.

I'm feeling really lost and could use some outside perspective on a difficult situation in my relationship.
For background, I have never been able to reach an orgasm (primary anorgasmia). I don't take any medication that would affect it, and I've tried for years using different techniques and toys, but nothing works. It got to the point where trying just brought me intense frustration and emotional exhaustion, so I honestly just gave up on the idea of having an orgasm to protect my mental peace.
Because of this years-long struggle, my libido is completely gone. I have zero initiative to start anything sexual. Even on a good, calm day with no stress, I just don't have the desire to do anything sexual, not even the simpler things he likes. I could honestly go a long time without sex and be completely fine.
This has become a major issue because, for my boyfriend, physical intimacy is a crucial way to feel loved and connected. Our mismatched needs are causing a lot of tension.
Sometimes I'll try to initiate something just to make an effort for him, but my body often just shuts down and I can't follow through. He gets very frustrated and says I'm leading him on. I know he feels rejected and undesired, but in his frustration, he makes comments that really hurt my feelings.
For example, he mentions feeling jealous of other couples who "don't have sexual problems" and get to experience different things together. Recently, he expressed that because I never seduce him or show initiative, he finds himself desiring women on the internet more than me. He clarifies that it's not that I'm unattractive (he does give me compliments), but he feels I just "don't use my beauty" to seduce him. He implies he feels forced to look at other options online to satisfy himself since I am not initiating.
I know he is hurting and frustrated by my lack of sex drive, but hearing these things makes me feel like I am broken, abnormal, and completely failing as a partner. Intimacy just feels like a heavy chore now where I'm constantly disappointing him.
Am I the problem here? Is it normal to completely lose your sex drive after years of not being able to orgasm? How can we navigate this massive gap in our needs without hurting each other? Any advice is appreciated.