r/SexPositiveWomen

[removed]

I consider myself a feminist, I've done the readings, listen to the lectures, I just never felt the connection on this one topic.

I really like sex, which appears to be unusual as a women, I liked it to the point I wanted to do porn, but knew I couldn't handle the vitriol and bullying that brings.

But that goes back to my question, It seems it is majority women who hate sex. It is mostly women bullying other women for dressing for the male gaze when they don't dress modest, shaming onlyfans girls for not only posting the bad things that happen to them, mostly women calling each other sluts and whores. To me it seems like that's letting patriarchy win, letting patriarchy convince them sex is a "man thing" only men benefit from. So many critics of hookup culture, of the "male gaze"(a film term mind you) and "choice feminism" that aren't about actually criticizing the ways women uphold patriarchy, but being mad at a women whose sexual?

Why do so many women seem to think sex = degrading. Like if a man makes a sexual comment I don't automatically feel degraded or lesser than, regardless of the man's intentions, cause I don't see sexual acts done to me as something I'm losing or a loss.

Am I being too dogmatic in my thinking? Is there something I'm missing in my analysis? Cause to me it seems women are laying over and dying when it comes to this "sex" issue

BTW, he is well off, a lovely older gent that simply enjoys sex and sexuality. I found him in an ad for a 'yoni massage'...I was originally looking up a tantric masseur in my area. So, I have a high sex drive and needed to be with someone that is safe and can get me off, well it's him. We had sex for several hours, high on LSD, and I had multiple orgasms like never before in my life. I can't stop thinking about it. I just wish he was closer. 😿

I am obsessed now and he doesn't even know. I can't let him know!

Miss having sex, its been a looooooooong time

M39, Married, kids. Potentially open Relationship (?) FFM, Swing (?)
I feel:
\- strong sex drive
\- devoted and connected to my wife
\- committed dad
\- reputable citizen and community member
\- in touch with my creative and communication sides
\- mature in mind
\- fit and clean

There’s a lot to this statement (years of trial and error and therapy):
Sex to me is the expression of all the beauty of life in one act. It is fun and free and empowering.
I view sex as the most intimate and vulnerably honest forms of communication. I feel most appreciated and seen when I am in the moment of sex.
However, a lot of people Couldnt disagree more. My wife is one of these people.

I’ve learned:
\- women think of sex less (especially moms)
\- childhoods are the launchpad of sexuality, good and bad (that will answer questions about her views on sex)
\- being a woman is pressure, in sex, zero pressure = freedom to have fun
\- no one can short cut around genuine trauma
\- woman’s minds are full of multi-thought, hard to have sex when the brain is cranked to full blast
\- woman’s minds are are conditioned to be self conscious…to turn that off with an accepting and playful environment is critical
\- privacy is key…if there is even a chance that someone (aka my kid) can hear or walk in…game over.
\- women don’t really care if they have no sex. No where near as much as the average man.

Somewhere I read that men are responsible for solving the sex issues in their relationships with women. Unfortunately, I think it’s true.

Then there is me:
In short… would I fuck me? Like, what about me is so sexy? Am I building foreplay naturally into the day, or am I in my own world until I’m horny?
Ironically, the more I exude cleanliness, confidence, good hygiene, and consistently offer myself to her as a listener, cheerleader, compliment giver, include her in my daily thoughts and ideas… the more attractive I am.

Do I expect her to love the things about myself that I openly hate? How I talk about myself impacts her view too.

Vulnerability and honesty about my desires is usually sexy (timing is everything)

Just because I can… or have the right to…doesn’t mean I should.

There is so much.

To me, sex is the epicenter and heartbeat of a relationship. My wife does not see this the same. So, from personal experience… the heavy lifting is on me.

My question:

How free am I? Can I flirt?
She found me attractive for some reasons… they are unique to me. So, lean into those with other women outside the relationship? Can I sharpen those flirting skills to boost my confidence and ultimately generate natural attractiveness?

I naturally stay far from flirting with women. But I have been feeling lately that maybe it’s not a big deal? Does it help things… or is it just practice in discontent?

Thanks!

So me and my boyfriend are trying to be sexually active, However have struggled with penile penetration.

I’m a virgin and he has had sex before but not for a while.

We are perfect in every other aspect of sex, we engage on lots of foreplay and oral on each other and also have no problem getting me to Ogasm but however in the vaginal canal we struggle getting his penis inside even his fingers. It’s feels like something hard blocks the path and it’s painful for me when things touched the blocked path.

Also I never masterbaited before because I just feels nothing when touching myself.I really really really likes when he touchiness it, it feel amazing but touching it. He stimulate the clit and outside of it all

He’s not had sex with a virgin before and have tried everything he could think of to get inside, just wondering what’s going on and how to help each other

I am a man so my bias is going to be much different than others. In unhappy sex lives You will probably hear a lot about therapy and couple therapy and also that you have the natural right to refuse anything that makes you uncomfortable. This will all be correct.

If there’s anything like me, My guess is that he is unaware that he is the “bad guy” here. It’s likely he doesn’t even realize that he is pushing into dangerous territory of violating you.

Here’s one thing you probably won’t hear too much.

I think most women have no idea how much men who are straight will think about sex or something sex related during a typical day. For myself, it is hundreds of times a day. This is the normal that we all live in. As men.
I say this carefully, but you hold a lot of power in the relationship and my guess is that it would be a turn on for you both if you could reward him openly with sex for doing what you want…. Stay with me in this.

Ask a man if he enjoys a beautiful city skyline, a sunset at the beach, a beautiful flower, a powerful animal in the wild, a sports play that blows the mind…. I guarantee you that most men would agree that the female body is the culmination of everything beautiful that they love to look at.
It’s inescapable and only the strongest men can use self control when out in public and when put to the cheating test.

What happens if you were to take power back and use this undeniable attraction to gain?

In short, I bet your man listens to every word you say when he eats you out. (As long as he likes to serve too)

I know it seems weird, but imagine embracing this inescapable truth and waving your magic pussy wand whenever you want the power dynamic to shift,or to be heard, or to shut him up, or to get those house chores done.

Could be fun and a lot of women misunderstand this as something they are forced into by society. But I assure you there is room in this idea for real bonding. I know men would love it in most cases.

Take it or leave it.

In the end, abuse comes in many forms and if your hunch is that you are in danger or violated, act on that!!

This isn’t a random thought, this is a genuine observation.

Thanks all.

Does anyone know where I can find affordable dildos? I'm specifically looking for something on the smaller size (maximum 12 - 13cm) and thinner (maximum 2cm). I don't mind if it's realistic or not. I don't want vibration. Purely for vaginal use.

Have been in a FB situationship for about a month now… getting together 1-2 times a week. He just traveled to Miami for World Cup and I imagine I’ll hear from him when he gets back. Do I / should I ask him about any hookups while he was away or is that blurring the lines of the FB rules? I’m 39F, he’s 35M

*EDITED TO ADD* I have no feelings towards this man but we don’t use protection. We have a good thing going and wouldn’t mind continuing since it’s what I need right now. I’m only wanting to ask to not catch an STD

Like, did not know where to post this because it feels so out there, and it’s kinda driving me crazy and I need to get it off my chest. I’m trans, not on hormones, not intersex (that I know of), but I sometimes feel a deep longing in my pussy to be filled.

I do have male parts, technically, but mentally I have a vulva, labia, clit. I feel like mentally I even have a vagina. There’s a desire to be filled in a spot that my fingers naturally get drawn to when I’m fingering myself. That spot is definitely above where my anus is and where my vagina is (or, should be? Can I claim to have a part I physically don’t have? Sounds crazy, but it’s like I mentally have it.)

I must sound mad, like, I’m going crazy needing something to fill a spot on my body that doesn’t physically exist but the mental connection feels so strong. Please tell me I’m not crazy, or do, I don’t know. I just need something in me, and I need it in a spot that I don’t have, but how can I need it in a spot my body doesn’t have? Mentally I seem to have that spot, and it’s so damn frustrating that I don’t physically have that spot.