r/SexPositiveWomen

Original women carried a zero-trauma, zero-loss womb field, they could call a soul in, gestate it in pure Oversoul alignment, and birth it without pain, blood, or cellular decay

The womb was a dimensional gate, not a factory

Hello, first time poster so fingers crossed I don’t jaff this up.

I ‘43f’ have been in a relationship for 3 years with my ‘42m’ partner. Early on in the relationship he advised me that he had had male partners but wasn’t gay, he just liked the sensation.

I have occasionally accommodated this, and provided some him time with some bedroom accessories. No issue, not my fav thing but I think it’s good that we all get what we need.

We are both alright with our sex drive, but I found that I occasionally have been losing mine mid foreplay.

The reason for this is, I’m the one doing all of the foreplay. The other night he lay back for 45 mins and took oral (until my mouth dried up and I couldn’t continue). By this point it had become a chore, and I wasn’t in any way aroused.

Anyway, the only way to move on from this so I could go home was to attempt sex. It hurt… a lot!

I want to add that he isn’t always like this, sometimes he does try… a little, but it doesn’t happen often and it doesn’t last long. I think this is because I’m quite ‘messy’ and he doesn’t want to get hit in the face with a canon! Fair I guess, but I feel very disconnected from him and don’t know how to bring this up.

Advice, is there a way to discuss this with him that doesn’t sound unreasonable, or is there another way to stay connected that doesn’t require him to be a conduit of reactive intimacy?

I currently have the puff suction toy but I’m wanting to try something new. I definitely like the suction toy better than just a vibrator. I’m curious able trying some sort of penetration toy but I tried a vibrating dildo once and didn’t really like it, also because it only had a suction cup base so I couldn’t really hold onto it to thrust (I like to be in bed, not in the shower, so no where to suction it to). I’ve never finished without clitoral stimulation but I still enjoy penetration. However, it has to be at an EXTREMELY specific angle or I basically feel nothing, so maybe I’m looking for something curved? I’ve never tried a rabbit but I’m unsure how I will feel about only vibration inside with no thrust. Also I usually prefer something larger, I’ve trying looking up dildo with handles but they’re all smaller

I’m also curious about simply other suction toy suggestions, I feel like my orgasms have been less intense for a while compared to when I got my first toy. I’ve heard puff is a less intense one.

Also I’m on a budget! I want to keep things under $100

I was sexually assaulted last week and am really struggling with my confidence, getting dressed, socializing and generally feeling normal… I’ve been here before but it’s been a long time. I don’t know what to do for myself and I feel myself isolating and becoming depressed

How can we reduce the guilt that others share around watching porn? Like what can we to make people feel good and safe about watching porn?

Hi everyone,

I’m an classy and decent older gentleman who really enjoys doling out impact play and discipline. It has been a little while since I’ve had the chance to meet someone who shares this specific fantasy or enjoys submitting to this type of play.

For me, the real thrill is simply about helping a woman who loves submission, or someone who has been curious about what it feels like. I am not looking for a traditional relationship. In fact, I actually prefer it if a partner is already in a committed relationship. That way, there are no expectations for a deeper romantic connection or intercourse.

This can easily be a one-time thing or just an occasional get-together. I've found that some highly stressed women sometimes just need a cathartic reset to let go of the pressure.

I know regular dating scenes completely ignore this side of life. It is also a subject that many women hesitate to share out of fear of judgment or embarrassment.

So, to the women here who are into this or just curious: how would you go about finding a safe, respectful partner to play with? If you were looking for an occasional, discreet arrangement like this, where would you even begin to look?

I would love to hear your thoughts and advice!

ask

I (28F) have been blessed with an eater (26M) He is new of course as I’m his first real relationship but we are 10 months in and he’s still always eager to go down.

Now, sadly I can’t necessarily stand it for long. Not because it doesn’t feel good, it’s okay, but the poor guy can’t practice because IM GIGGLING and wriggling. My upper outer labia is so sensitive any touches comes of as either itchy or ticklish! (Yes he has a beard but this also happens with fingers)

As for the giggles they happen ofc but also when we make out for more then a few seconds. I just feel a well of emotions and can’t stop myself! It makes him uncomfortable sometimes, worried I’m laughing at him but I swear I’m not!

Anyone else struggle with this??

This question is for women who did it one time spontaneously, and no one knows about it. I'm not talking about your college experience or any time during your 20s. I'm referring to a time in your 30s+. Where you are a full responsible adult with a career and stable life.

He would be the ‘top’ in the scenario, I have my own personal opinion on this which seems to be a hot take so I’m curious how other women feel about it

I’m 18F, and I’ve struggled with relationships since I was 14. I’m sharing this because I know some people may relate, and because I’ve been thinking a lot about how trauma affected not only my mind, but my body.
My first relationship was abusive—sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I’ll call my first boyfriend “Masen.” We were together in sixth grade, so it was not a serious relationship in the normal sense, but the way he treated me was serious. He was unstable and manipulative. He pressured and forced me into sexual acts over FaceTime, and when I did not do what he wanted, he would bully and humiliate me. That relationship contributed to self-harm issues I developed around 14 or 15.
Because that was my first experience with “love,” I went into later relationships with no real understanding of what healthy love was supposed to feel like. I unconsciously sought out people who repeated the same harmful patterns.
During my freshman year, I had two more boyfriends. One of them, “Ben,” was also manipulative and sexually coercive. He would verbally attack me, threaten self-harm or suicide, and make me feel responsible for keeping him alive. I have always had a strong instinct to care for people, so I became trapped in the role of trying to save him.
He cheated on me with a girl who later became my best friend, then bounced back and forth between us. He used manipulation to keep me emotionally attached. He pressured me to have sex with him in his car, and my first real sexual encounter happened in a parking lot. When I got home afterward, I threw up. Looking back, I think my body was telling me something my mind was not ready to accept.
The other boyfriend, whom I’ll call “Prince,” initially seemed completely different. We met through church and tried to build a relationship centered on faith. At that time, religion was helping me cope with the death of a family member and with depression, so it felt comforting and safe.
But it did not stay that way.
I was a freshman and he was a junior. He cheated on me constantly—sometimes every other week. He also pressured me into intimacy when I was scared and not ready. After six months without sex, he violated my boundaries twice during intimate situations. I do not feel comfortable calling it rape, but he forcefully took advantage of moments when I was vulnerable and assumed I would stay quiet.
One incident happened in my room. Another happened at church camp, and I bled afterward.
Even after I ended the relationship, he kept pulling me back in. He would cheat on his new girlfriend with me and make me believe we were “meant to be.” He used religion, God, and church settings to make me feel spiritually tied to him, like leaving him would somehow mean I was abandoning something sacred.
It took me a long time to understand that it was manipulation.
Prince and I were together in 2023, went back and forth through 2024, then had no contact until December 2025. I finally blocked him for good around February 2026. I still grieve parts of myself that I feel I lost in that relationship, but he is no longer part of my life.
That brings me to my current boyfriend, “J.”
J and I started talking around late February or March 2026, when the wounds from Prince were still fresh. We have been together for almost six months now, and he is about to become my longest relationship.
Things moved quickly, but I cannot imagine our relationship unfolding any other way. We both had similar wounds and understood each other’s bad days, depressive episodes, numbness, and irritability. We learned how to support each other without making one another feel like a burden.
I have never loved anyone the way I love J.
He has been patient with me through grief, fear, and trauma responses. He has never pressured me into intimacy. He was my first experience of sex that felt genuinely safe and meaningful.
At first, penetration terrified me. We tried multiple times over several weeks, and every time he reminded me that I could stop at any moment. He would go slowly, make sure I was comfortable, and stop immediately if I became overwhelmed. Afterward, instead of making me feel guilty or disappointed, he would comfort me. He told me I was making progress and that I had nothing to prove.
Eventually, we worked up to having sex. It hurt at first, but I knew I was safe. I knew I was choosing it. That difference meant everything.
What I really wanted to talk about is how differently my body has reacted to J compared with the people before him.
With Prince, even before the worst of the abuse, I was constantly anxious. I lost weight, broke out, looked exhausted, and struggled with itching and yeast infections. I felt disconnected from my body and constantly inspected myself, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I did not know how to care for myself properly until I was about 17, but I also think my body was living in survival mode.
With J, I feel different.
Since we began having regular, consensual intimacy, I have felt more relaxed, grounded, and emotionally replenished. I sleep better. I feel safer in my own body. I feel more comfortable letting myself be close to someone instead of bracing for something bad to happen.
I am not saying that sex fixes trauma, because it does not. A loving relationship does not erase what happened to me, either. But feeling safe, respected, listened to, and fully in control of my own boundaries has made a noticeable difference in my mental health and how I feel physically.
I used to think my fear around intimacy meant something was wrong with me. Now I understand that my body was responding to situations where I did not feel safe.
With J, my body is finally learning that closeness does not have to mean fear.
Thank you to anyone who read this. I would love to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience—especially if you have noticed how differently your body responds when you are finally with someone safe.
I hope everyone reading this has a gentle, beautiful week. You are loved.

VERY upset when I see talk and discussion about regular porn usage as addiction. Honestly, if you are educated, porn addiction we all know isn't really a thing from a scientific perspective... BUT I would be willing to entertain it as legit if it means that it is constant usage that is negatively affecting your life. If you are watching porn every day and multiple times a day, and you are still living a productive life, and you feel good... you aren't addicted.

As a single mom, my priority is my kids and my work! That doesn't mean I can't enjoy porn. Honestly, my usage as increased a lot this past year. I went from daily, to multiple times a day. It's a really big resource for me. I don't consider myself addicted. If I am... then there are a lot worse things I could be addicted to... so I'll accept my porn addiction with pride!

I'm feeling really lost and could use some outside perspective on a difficult situation in my relationship.
For background, I have never been able to reach an orgasm (primary anorgasmia). I don't take any medication that would affect it, and I've tried for years using different techniques and toys, but nothing works. It got to the point where trying just brought me intense frustration and emotional exhaustion, so I honestly just gave up on the idea of having an orgasm to protect my mental peace.
Because of this years-long struggle, my libido is completely gone. I have zero initiative to start anything sexual. Even on a good, calm day with no stress, I just don't have the desire to do anything sexual, not even the simpler things he likes. I could honestly go a long time without sex and be completely fine.
This has become a major issue because, for my boyfriend, physical intimacy is a crucial way to feel loved and connected. Our mismatched needs are causing a lot of tension.
Sometimes I'll try to initiate something just to make an effort for him, but my body often just shuts down and I can't follow through. He gets very frustrated and says I'm leading him on. I know he feels rejected and undesired, but in his frustration, he makes comments that really hurt my feelings.
For example, he mentions feeling jealous of other couples who "don't have sexual problems" and get to experience different things together. Recently, he expressed that because I never seduce him or show initiative, he finds himself desiring women on the internet more than me. He clarifies that it's not that I'm unattractive (he does give me compliments), but he feels I just "don't use my beauty" to seduce him. He implies he feels forced to look at other options online to satisfy himself since I am not initiating.
I know he is hurting and frustrated by my lack of sex drive, but hearing these things makes me feel like I am broken, abnormal, and completely failing as a partner. Intimacy just feels like a heavy chore now where I'm constantly disappointing him.
Am I the problem here? Is it normal to completely lose your sex drive after years of not being able to orgasm? How can we navigate this massive gap in our needs without hurting each other? Any advice is appreciated.

I started being sexually active in the 7th grade (13) and my parents didn’t like it because they thought I was too young. They got me on birth control but kept discouraging me from doing it, telling me that I wasn’t ready. Throughout my teen years, it made me feel like having sex was something to be ashamed off and I feel bad and dirty for doing it. The more sexual partners I had, the more dirty I felt. I wish they had told me that sex was ok and normal for someone in their teen years and be supportive of me doing it. If I have a 13 year old one day and she came up to me and say she wants to have sex, not only would I teach her about consent and how to be safe, but I wouldn’t discourage her the way my parents did to me. It’s not helpful, but rather harmful. If she says she’s ready then who am I to tell her that she isn’t?

TL;DR: why was I really ghosted and what made him lose interest?

I apologise for the long and graphic details in this story but I just wanted to be honest. I had just been ghosted by a guy I had been talking to for 3 months who was emotionally abusive so I was already in a bad state of mind when this happened. I added a guy on snapchat 2 weeks ago from quick add (which I’ve never tried before) 26 (M) 28 (F) . He text me instantly and we got chatting and he text me every day since that occurred and talked about wanting to find a wife etc and how me being a virgin means that it is really special and when I was looking to get married. I said if we met and fell in love that’s how I would know.

He said I looked like the female version of superman from Smallville and I was assuming he found me very attractive. I’ve been told by majority that I’m an 8/10 when I’m dressed up and I would say he was on the same level as me looks wise but had a gym physique. He phoned me for 6 hours straight the first night and we really clicked and could talk about anything, then 3 hours, a few days after and 3 hours again the day after. In between that he left me on delivered for 19 hours which I assumed was because he wasn’t a big texter, which I found was true as he had conversations with me for a short period of time by text at the end of the day, on most days, leading up to our meeting.

The night before our meeting we sexted and there was definitely a lot of chemistry. The day of meeting he said he had to drop his brother off to airport so changed meeting from 4pm to 6pm. He picked me up and as soon as he met me and he held my hand straight away and smiled with that sparkle in his eye. He said he was exhausted so instead of going out for food like we planned we ended up at his air b n b and he ordered food there later on and he said I look better in person and picked me up as soon as I entered the room.

As soon as I revealed my red dress he started kissing my chest and my mouth passionately. Even when we ordered food in the room he was so affectionate with me kissing me while I was deciding what to order and I sat on his lap etc and we watched a tv show. He asked if my parents would accept him and that he would love to take me on holiday but I said my parents are strict so I could not. He had a thing for my fe\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*t so was sucking on them most of day and I ended up giving him head (which I’ve never done before) and gave him a hand j\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\b as there was an insane around of tension and even licked ice-cream off most of his body and we drank juice from eachother’s mouths. Anytime I got up he would kiss me and was basically all over me throughout and I’ve not had a guy be this full on since last year. He told me on the date he ghosts girls he finds unattractive and leaves them on delivered but never removes them from socials. He said he promises he wants to see me again, and during the phone call from night before I remember him saying that if he doesn’t
c\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*m in a meeting he wouldn’t see a girl again.

At end of date he said he definitely wants to see me again and said he finds me very pretty and likes my personality and that he isn’t attached yet and doesn’t feel the need to text everyday, and that he doesn’t like girls who expect him to call during his lunch break at work. He kissed me goodbye and then as soon as I got home I thanked him and said I loved it and he said he enjoyed it and that we should deffo do it again next week and suggested Friday, the next morning .

Throughout next day he text me asking questions about my brother’s engagement etc and how it’s going and I sent some snaps of my face and he didn’t save them in chat anymore which I found weird and he didn’t phone me either at all. He then sent blank work snaps all day which I found weird but he did send old snaps of his face in the week leading up to our meeting. He never sent a selfie again either or any nudes after our first meet.

Then throughout week his replies got slower and slower (1 -2 Days) and only when I sent him a sexy selfie he asked about Friday again and if I’m free. He didn’t talk sexually at all except for making a joke about how many donuts I could fit in his d. Friday came and he replied after like 36 hours that day. I had to remind him on Friday morning if the date was still on and he said yes and he eventually met me at 8:30 and suggested we go cinema because I was already there. I stupidly suggested a room as I loved kissing him and being affectionate with him and the privacy aspect tbh and when we did, things got heated and I showed him my lingerie and and we ended up having an\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*l sx as I wanted to stay a virgin and and he licked my ass out and I sucked his d and he rubbed his d on my clt. I didn’t enjoy the anal sx at all because it was uncomfortable but I dealt with it as he seemed to like it. He then made himself cm while my f\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*t were in his face and insisted on having the lights on for this so he could see them. I’ve never done this before but since I was attracted to him I did it.

No guy has seen my body in the light so I was self conscious of my dark long la\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*ia and my immense amount of white cut looking stretch marks against my tan skin and my body in general coz no one’s seen it up close. If I’m being honest my ex acted cold and told me to get off him after he saw my body in the dark so since then I was self conscious but people I discussed this with at time said it was just one guy not all guys are that shallow. I put the lights on but at the back of my mind I was thinking he was gonna be put off by either that or my long white scar looking stretchmark on my ass or my 2 beauty marks that were there. I remember him telling me before he saw my body, that every girl has one body part that isn’t nice but I didn’t, and tbh with you I was worried when he said that because I knew I wasn’t perfect and have a smallish ass and small bo \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*bs but he said he loved my a\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*s but I’m not sure if he was saying that because he was horny or not. At no point during this sexual encounter did he stop once he saw my body so I assumed maybe I had overthinked things in the past as he was really into the session and was passionate.

Then he wiped off my smeared makeup off my face with his own spit and a tissue like he did during first meeting which was sweet so I assumed everything was fine. And he dropped me off home as usual and talked on the way home about cars and his heritage etc and he asked me for a kiss goodbye. When I got home he told me my location was on and that I should switch it off so no one else sees on Snapchat. The next morning he sent me blank work desk snaps and ignored my nudes that I sent and instead sent a work desk snap back. He text me all day until 5 pm and said ‘thx bb’ when I said ‘Nice jeans’ (in reply to a snap of his jeans) then he just hearted my message saying I’ll buy the watch he chose, after 12 hours.

He then didn’t text me for 2 days and randomly popped up at night asking how I was and continued the conversation for a bit. He then replied a whole day later and said weather was good today and we just made small talk about how nice the Summer is. Then the next morning he finally replied after 1 whole day while his snapscore had gone up the entire day before while I was on delivered and I sent a modest outfit face snap for the first time so I assumed he was interested and he said I look sexy and he replied with a once view face snap for the first time.

I replied back with 2 more face snaps, that he left on delivered and it’s now been 2 days since I sent them and his snap score has gone up by a lot. I remember him saying he never removes girls he finds unattractive but ghosts them and leaves them on delivered, but because he met me a 2nd time and drove 2.5 hours I assumed maybe that wasn’t the case with me. He said he met a girl last month who was bigger than her photos and her breath smelt bad so he used her parents catching her being out late as an excuse to end things with her. I am not big by any means but my body is not perfect at all.

He hasn’t removed me but I’m confused why he even messaged again if he was planning to ghost and I’m actually really hurt? I have such low self esteem as it is and now I feel disgusting and don’t want to show my body again. I genuinely was attracted to him and trusted he would accept all of me. Please be brutally honest and harsh and interpret all this as he’s never not opened my snaps like this for so long and I’m afraid he was repulsed by my body and wanted to slowly ghost me instead of instantly. I have developed feelings for him as he made me feel like no one else has and made me feel beautiful initially and like I was in a movie.

I’m so confused why he even messaged me all week just to ghost and why he even sent a face snap and called me sexy 2 days ago if he wasn’t interested or repulsed. I actually feel so down and have never felt so ugly in my life as I cannot do anything about my existing flaws except surgery and trusted him with my body. I guess it’s my fault for being intimate with him so soon as if I hadn’t had showed him my body he would’ve still been speaking to me. I guess I was intimate as in the past when I haven’t been and tried to save myself the guys didn’t suggest a 2nd meet. I just want to know from another person’s perspective what the reason he lost interest was as I have a really bad feeling it was my body and I need a reality check so I don’t make the same mistake of showing it to my future spouse, as I really regret it and haven’t felt this down in my life.

Thank you in advance to anyone who has given me advice, it is very kind of you.