r/sexask

Lately I have been wondering what other men really think about being alone at home. Especially at those quiet times when the house is still, there is no noise, no conversation and it is just you and your thoughts.
There are those who find that sort of quiet peaceful and grounding, a chance to chill out, reset and enjoy their own space. For others it can be a little heavier, wandering the mind and thinking about life, relationships or things they typically wouldn’t be thinking about during a busy day.
What do you typically feel in your mind and in your emotions when you are home alone? You like that quiet space or does it sometimes take you to overthinking or a feeling of loneliness?

What kinds of thoughts or reflections come up for you in those moments when everything around you slows down?

Hey everyone.

I'm 29F, I got out of a very long term relationship about two months ago. I'm a career driven women and right now, I don't want to date, or even take the time to meet anyone. I was at an adult store the other night and found out they had a glory hole and did some research. I think this is something I want to try this weekend. I like the idea of basically no communication, anonymous, and I can leave at anytime.

I'm looking for anyone who's done this before, and am curious on what the vibe is, do I need to bring anything, is it comfortable? Safe (In actual like safety, not sexually), and just any tips you might have. Any and all advice is appreciated.

I feel like every site I open just has the same over the top stuff with fake reactions and zero chemistry. Maybe I’ve watched too much of the same content or maybe mainstream porn just keeps getting more exaggerated, idk. I miss content that feels natural and believable instead of people acting like they’re auditioning for a WWE match. Like real tension, decent quality, good vibes, actual connection between people.

My roommate suggested Bellesa+ but before I pay for another subscription I wanted to ask if anyone here uses it. Is the content what I'm looking for or is it just the same stuff? Curious what people think about it

My new boyfriend (28, turns 29 soon) is the loveliest guy I’ve ever known. I’m trying not to ask much at all as I (28f) don’t want to come across in constant need for validation as that’s not what this is, but it’s just that due to my past with unfortunate non-consensual intimate interaction (which I told him about early on as he makes me feel safe).

For context -

I have given him oral fo**play etc (fo**play is both of our favourite and preferred intimacy over pen****tive s** if we had to choose. He admitted that to me first before I was going to admit. His turn on is giving fo**play).
Long story but with him knowing my unfortunate past, he understandably wants me to initiate when I’m ready for physical intimacy like him giving me fo**play, as my preferred fo**play is unique to him. After communicating my preference, he said he’s never experienced my preference of fo**play i.e. when a female has very sensitive cl** so fin***ing or immediate direct cl** work is uncomfortable/ initially painful. And so general pressure over our full ge**tal area with whole hand surrounding these areas/ clothed gr**ding to build full ar**sal is much more pleasurable to get to the mutual desired end point to lead to pen****tion.

We started talking on hinge about 4 months ago, moved to whatsapp just under two weeks after, then 3 weeks in (since meeting on hinge) we met in person and had our first date (he asked me on a date, we planned it but it was refreshingly all initiated by him asking me what I’d like to do). The first date was so lovely, no awkward silences, just super open and honest without being too much for the first time meeting in person. It’s been so nice ever since. He’s mature, confident, empathetic, funny, and very kind. He knows what he wants and was open from the first date i.e. ready to settle down, wants a family etc but doesn’t want to waste anyone’s or his own time. I am exactly the same.

He assures me he is not losing interest and that a relationship is much more than sex, that his priorities are having things in common, morals, family, and sex comes after those (we have both admitted we needed some balance with physical attraction obviously which we are both v attracted to each other physically as well as personality) and he promised me that he would always be honest in telling me if he was losing interest etc. so far I have 0 reason to doubt him as he has always stuck to his word.

Even though he can afford it, he still lives with him parents whilst actively house hunting with mortgage advisor (I am also actively looking, we both were when we met which is so refreshing as we are both independent and want to have property in own name initially for investment and financial stability and independence initially, not for long term forever home yet). So so far we have only have a couple opportunities of having over night in private, one time on a city break holiday and another on a night away. So that’s a huge reason as to why this is still happening I.e. me with this intimacy hurdle. I usually feel comfort in getting intimate with someone over time I’ve gotten used to staying close with someone e.g. my ex had his own place so I would stay over a lot and then a few months in it just naturally happened when it felt right. But obviously my bf and I don’t have the luxury of that yet.

So my main question is to men, if you really like her and see long term, how long would you wait? (Considering the above context of possible rather than just this one question in isolation).

So, I’m (39F) going thru a divorce, now live alone, and I’ve developed a fantasy that I am dangerously close to enacting even tho I know it’s insanely stupid and unsafe. Talk me out of it!

In short, it’s a “horny intruder” kinda setup… I find a stranger who’ll drop by my house in a balaclava to fuck me til we both cum, then leaves. If it’s any good, we make it a regular thing. I do not want to know this persons name, or see their face.

This is not a “rape” scenario, I don’t want to be in pain… in fact, kissing (I can’t cum without kissing, idk), foreplay, respectful connection would have to be requirements. Minimal communication save for basic instruction/affirmation. I want safe, hot, steamy, makeout anonymous sex with a masked stranger like twice a month.

The issues are of course:

1. I’d have to trust a stranger to respect my boundaries as they’re stated, and/or not rape, rob, or murder me.
2. I have no guarantee they’re clean/ I would suggest sharing regular STD testing results but obviously honor system applies here.
3. No way to be sure I’m not an unwitting participant in home wrecking or a betrayal of partnership.
4. They’d know where I live, they’d know what I look like.
5. What if it goes the way I’m fantasizing and I catch feelings?
6. Yes, I’ve talked to my therapist 😂

Has anyone out there had an arrangement like this before? Most interested in women’s experiences? I’ve been out of the scene for a (long) time, where would one post a request like this and find someone who’ll take it seriously/not take advantage?

Dudes, is this an arrangement any of you would find hot- boundaries included?

Is this an insane thing to do??? Someone talk me out of this, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Hey guys,

Bit of a personal one but I need some honest perspectives.

I'm 22, in a long distance relationship. I love my girlfriend genuinely — she's the only person I'm actually attracted to. I have zero interest in anyone else emotionally. But lately I keep getting this nagging urge for more physical intimacy in general, not with anyone specific. Just... more.

I'm not looking to cheat. I don't want to hurt her. But I'd be lying if I said this feeling doesn't confuse me.

Some things I've wondered about:

- Is this just the obvious outcome of LDR — less physical intimacy = the body craving it more?

- Or is this something deeper, like humans genuinely not being wired for monogamy long-term? (Osho talks about this — curious if anyone has thought about it seriously)

- Could it also just be age — 22, high energy, lots of drive — and this is just how it manifests?

For context: I work a full-time IT job, I'm building a business on the side, I hit the gym regularly. Life's full. But this feeling doesn't seem to go away on its own.

Has anyone been through this? How did you handle it — without cheating, without ending the relationship, and without just suppressing it until it explodes?

Not looking for judgment. Just real talk from guys who've been here.

Im a very horny 18yr old male and I think some girls look really hot, I'm still a virgin and a porn addict but I want to know how sex feels, Im a decent looking guy, I have a big forehead but that's it. I don't want to be slapped for asking because I'm all for female respect and not making anyone uncomfortable.

How do you guide a new partner sexually when your preferences are very specific?

I’m in a newer relationship with someone I’m extremely attracted to, but we’re still learning each other physically and I’m struggling to communicate what works for me without getting stuck in my head.

I don’t really enjoy a lot of the “default” foreplay approaches that seem to work for most people my boyfriend has previously been with, like lots of internal stimulation or immediate/direct clitoral touch. What works much better for me is slower build-up, teasing, pressure and more full-body/pelvic contact rather than very focused stimulation.

My boyfriend is genuinely lovely and really wants to understand me properly. He’s very respectful and conscious of boundaries, especially because he knows I had a bad early experience with consent when I was younger. The problem is that he asks me to show or explain what I like, and I completely freeze when I feel watched or perceived. I’m AuDHD and once I become self-aware during intimacy I get stuck in analysis mode and can’t relax again.

My ex and I figured things out much more instinctively over time, but with my current boyfriend I think we’re both trying so hard to “get it right” that it’s accidentally creating pressure.

I don’t think the issue is lack of attraction or chemistry at all, it’s more that I struggle to communicate physically/verbally in the moment without feeling awkward or like I’m killing the mood.

Has anyone navigated something similar? Especially moving from overthinking/performance anxiety into more natural chemistry and guidance with a partner who genuinely wants to learn you?

I made a post about this on a different account in another sub a while ago talking about my partner’s “irritation after sex,” which we’ve now found out to be yeast infections. They get them pretty consistently a day or two after I ejaculate inside.

We’re both monogamous and they’re on the pill, so the risk for pregnancy/stds is low (and yes, they tested for std’s the first time they noticed). If possible, I’d like to have unprotected sex from time to time, but I really don’t like pulling out, and if that’s the only solution I’d prefer to just wear a condom.

It’s obviously not the end of the world, but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this/knows of a way to make it work without causing yeast infections?

This might be a stupid question, but sometimes when a guy introduces himself for the first time, right after saying hi, he give a super quick look up and down. When It happens kind of bothers me, but I genuinely can’t tell if they do it on purpose to flirt or if it’s just automatic 😭

It’s happened with my friends too when I wore a nice dress, and in my head I’m like “GUYS come on, I’m literally standing right here ”

My boyfriend always asks me to dominate him but I just feel like im so bad at it. The other day I tried it and I think it went okay but I just run out of stuff to do and say. Please can people just give me tips? Also im not just talking a little dominant I want to have him fully under my control and go crazy with it. Just give me things to say and do🙏🙏🙏

Ok, I'm obviously a woman.. I was recently informed guys remember how specific women taste.. is that true? No I'm not insecure, just really curious on HOW, or WHY??? What is it about it you remember?? Is it just the good ones?? Or just the bad ones?? And how long do you remember?? Can you remember 10 years later? How about 20? And if you remember it for that long, is that a good or bad thing?

I found an old phone in a drawer from a year ago, found videos and pictures of her having sex with another man. There was a lot of graphic videos of him ejaculating in her vagina, and her sucking his penis in our house. Should I set up cameras? Or confront her about the phone quickly?

I've had it for around 6 years, but never had the chance to explore it. It can be overwhelming sometimes and consume my thoughts. It was something I think I developed because of my past. My partner isn't into it which is understandable. What can I do? Do I just learn to repress it? Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what helped?

I am 18 (f), and i am starting to question if this is something people really do…
I would really like the input of anybody on this

Well what do you think is better? Can it be both? Can fast still be intimate or does intimate depend on positions?

I’ve always seen guys send photos of their dicks and even then masturbating and I’ve always been curious if girls even enjoy that, or is it more for the guys pleasure ? Lol

Hii! I’m not sure if this is the best place to ask but lol..basically I need help with like dirty talk. Me and my boyfriend obviously talk while we’re getting it on but I never know what to say because I don’t want to be too repetitive. He likes when I say he’s mine and when I’m aggressive and beg and whatever but he doesn’t like any of the good boy, daddy, or praise things. He doesn’t like questions, but I don’t want to keep repeating “you’re all mine” or “you feel so good” or “please”. LMFAO idk I just need new ideas I can use and new ways to not be repetitive. He’s not really a fan of compliments during it either.

My husband and I seem to have very different ideas about what a satisfying sex life looks like, and I’m struggling with it.

He seems perfectly happy having sex only occasionally, while I still want regular intimacy and sexual connection. On top of that, when we do have sex, he usually finishes pretty quickly, and I’m often left feeling frustrated, still turned on, and emotionally unsatisfied afterward.

The thing is, I’ve genuinely tried to work on this together. I’ve brought it up calmly, tried flirting more, sexting, initiating, creating more emotional connection during the day, planning time together, etc. But it never really changes for long, and he doesn’t seem particularly motivated to improve things because he seems content with how things are.

I’m starting to feel lonely and undesirable in my own marriage, which is hard because outside of this we function pretty well together.

I don’t need sex every single day or porn star level performance. I just want to feel wanted and like my pleasure and needs matter too!

For people who’ve dealt with mismatched libido or a partner who seems disengaged sexually: what helped? How do you approach this without turning it into constant pressure or resentment?