Trying to piece things together with an avoidant
Me and my girlfriend broke up 1 day before our 1 year aniversry. We had had arguments, sure, but nothing bad. In the beginning it was great. She was loving, the sex was great, she made me feel like the most important man in the world and would tell me and all her frineds that I was the one. Her kids loved me, and told me how much their mom loved me and how happy she was that I loved the kids and that they loved me as well. She gave me a key to her house, told me I was part of the family and to come and go as I pleased. I took care of her kids, picked them up and got them where they needed to be when she worked. Our first argument I left to go get something to drink (cold, like gatoraid, it was hot and i was working) and gather my thoughts, to which she called crying asking if I was leaving and not going to work out our problems. I responded what I was doing and we fixed our first issue. Then the 3 month mark hit, and it was like a switch flipped. She turned cold, when she would get mad or have an argument she would shut down, go quiet, not talk for days to a week, like I was being punnished and would be mad that I wanted to fix us. My main issue durring our relationship was involvment, I was never included in things, and could never get alone dates. And when I would voice my frustrations, she would always tell me to leae if i was not happy and to lose her number and delete her from facebook. Well, since we broke up, she still has me on facebook, and still reads my texts (if that matters in the slightes). I never once acted like I was not happy, but there were things that we needed to work on together as a couple.
But durring all that I fell more and more in love with her, and realized that she is the one I want. We talked about marriage, and kids. Durring our arguments when she would tell me to leave if I was not happy, should would always tell me when we are done, to delete her number and from facebook, because we will be done for good.
Well, a little over a month ago I bought her an engagement ring. I didnt plan on doing the proposing anytime soon, but I had it purhased because I wanted to be ready, and I could afford it (dont get me wrong, I had when I was planning on doing it already planned out). So, the day before our anniversay, we had an argument becuase she canceled plans again, and I got upset. ANd she told me to leave if I was not happy. Then out of the blue said it may not be fixable. So we agreed to meet at her house for a few minutes. She looked me in the eyes, compared me to her dad becuase I come and go in her house, she told me she no longer loved me and didnt find me attractive anymore.
I am ok with the breakup if she really wasnt happy, or really didnt love me anymore. It just seems that she was going down a path becuase she found out about the ring and got scared. I am a guys, so i could be completly missing something, but all signs point to a whithdrawl, and I would love to figure out how to navigate this. I dont want to lose her, I want her to know I love her as she is. Any help and or insight would be appreciated.
This is the first relationship I have been in that I want to work for. And want to do what I need to short of telling her that she needs to get some help. I dont want to argue, and I dont want to make her feel bad, but I want her to know I am here for her.
P.S. I had better add this to the post. She found out about the engagement ring through her daughter. One of her kids does not have a dad, and her and I were close and none of her moms exes treated her well, so I tried my hardes to make sure she knew I cared, and was involved in everyhing. So I let her know about the ring and sent her a picture of it becuase I wanted her to know I wasnt just planning on asking her mom to marry me, but I wanted her to know that she was important to me as well. So that was one of my ways of showing her that she mattered to me.
Do i reach out, do i stay no contact, do I honestly say to hell with it and give up? I dont want her thinking I dont care, but I also do not want to push her away by trying.