u/DoctorForsaken5563

Me (29m) and my fiancée (27f) dated two years and got engaged four months ago. She moved into my place after the engagement, i pay the mortgage while she covers utilities and groceries, and the plan is to put her on the deed once were married so she builds equity too. Her younger brother (23) is around constantly and hes polite enough to my face, but i never once agreed to him basically living here.

The thing is he treats my house like his second home. He lets himself in during the day to do his washing, eats whatever is in the fridge including the meals i prep for work, and crashes on my sofa for three or four nights at a stretch without anyone asking me, then leaves the place a tip. When i brought it up with my fiancée she said hes just close with her and itll settle down once hes more sorted, which has been the line for months now.

Then a couple of weeks ago i came home early and there were two lads i didnt know in my living room playing my console while the brother made them food in my kitchen. Turned out hed told them to come round because "no ones usually in during the day." I was fuming and told my fiancée i wasnt comfortable with him having that kind of run of the place, and she sort of agreed and then did nothing.

The final straw was last week when i found out hed got the spare key id given my fiancée for emergencies copied and handed it to one of those mates so they could "use the wifi and the xbox" while he was at work. A stranger had a key to my house. I sat my fiancée down and told her flat out that if her brother lets himself in again without me knowing im changing the locks and hes not getting a new one, no discussion. AITA?

so ive been getting up at 5 every weekday for the last six years to lift weights in our garage before work, its my thing, its kept me sane, my wife (married 4 years) was fine with it the entire time weve been together. about four months ago she started telling me the weights crashing in the morning are waking her up, that she gets back to sleep but its broken and shes been exhausted, and she needs me to either move the workouts to the gym or do them at 6 instead of 5.

i thought it was fair so i tried 6, that didnt work because i had to rush my morning, then i tried being even quieter, going down to half my usual weight, putting rubber mats under the plates, dropping deliberately gentle. she kept saying it was still waking her up, and last week she said either i move the workouts out of the house by the end of the month or shes going to start sleeping in the spare room and i can think about why thats how i want my marriage to be.

heres the thing, i think shes making it up, she keeps being specific about which sets she heard, "the heavy ones at quarter past five really got me today, and the dropping at the end was the worst." i know my own routine and a couple of those times didnt match what i actually did, on tuesday i didnt do heavy at quarter past anything because i was on accessories, on thursday i didnt drop anything because i was doing tempo work.

so heres what im thinking, starting monday im going to go out to the garage at 5 like always, make a coffee, sit in the chair in the corner, and not lift a single weight for the entire hour, then come in at 6 and act like ive just finished. ill do that for five mornings straight, if she comes down and tells me the workout was loud on a morning where i didnt do a single rep, i have my answer.

if im wrong about her i lose nothing, if im right i need to know before i make any more concessions about my own routine, i cant keep cutting my training in half for noise that isnt happening.

the part im hung up on is whether doing this in secret makes me an asshole even if she is lying, shes already accused me of being controlling in other arguments and ill have to tell her about it after.

WIBTA if i ran the test?

My husband and I have always made big decisions together. That has been the unspoken rule of our relationship for seven years and it has worked really well up until now.

Three days ago I found out from his mum, not from him, that he had booked a two week family holiday for both of us and our kids for this summer. Flights, accommodation, the whole thing already paid for. She mentioned it casually assuming I already knew.

I did not know.

When I brought it up with him he said he had been planning it as a surprise and was going to tell me soon. He said he was trying to do something nice and could not understand why I was upset about it.

I told him the issue was not the holiday itself, it was that he made a significant financial decision and committed two weeks of my time without checking with me first. I have things going on this summer that I had not told him about yet because I was still figuring them out and now I have a problem.

He thinks I am being ungrateful and wants an apology for ruining his surprise. I think he owes me a conversation about why my schedule and my input on big decisions apparently does not factor in before he books things.

Am I wrong?

I met someone through a mutual hobby group about six months ago and we have genuinely clicked in a way that does not happen that often. She is warm and funny and we have started hanging out outside of the group regularly.

Over the months she has mentioned her brother here and there, nothing major, just bits and pieces about what he is like and what he does. I kept noticing things that sounded familiar but told myself it was just a coincidence because nothing was specific enough to be certain about.

A couple of weeks ago she showed me some photos from a family event and I saw his face and knew straight away. Her brother is someone I had a serious falling out with about five years ago and things ended really badly between us. Not just a drift, a proper conflict that I still think about sometimes.

I did not say anything in the moment and just kept the conversation going like normal.

But I have been sitting with it ever since because she keeps mentioning him and talking about how much she wants us to meet at some point, and I have just been nodding along while knowing what I know.

I eventually told her last week.

She was not angry but she went quiet and said she needed to think about it and we have not really spoken properly since.

AITA for telling her instead of just letting it stay buried?

When my parents split my brother ended up fully on my dad's side and stopped speaking to my mum completely, and the reason he feels the way he does is because he was told that my mum had an emotional affair and that was what ended the marriage. As far as he knows she is entirely responsible for the family falling apart and my dad is the person who got hurt.

What my brother does not know is that my dad was physically cheating before any of that happened. I only know because I was home one day and heard it, and my dad has no idea I know. My mum found out about it and her emotional affair came after that, but none of that context ever made it to my brother.

What makes it worse is that my dad is the one who has been keeping my brother angry at my mum, telling him she destroyed the family while leaving out the part where he was sleeping with someone else in the house while she was home.

I have stayed quiet because my parents are still going through divorce proceedings and my mum is worried that bringing this up could affect things financially for her. But watching my brother refuse to speak to my mum based on a completely one sided version of events is getting really hard to just accept.

WIBTA if I told him what I know?

ive got a close friend whos been one of the most important people in my life over the past couple years. shes shown up for me through stuff i havent fully shown up for myself through, and shes important to me, and i want her at this celebration. its not a question of whether i want her there. i do

the issue is my extended family. im not gonna get into specifics but certain people in it are reliably awful toward people like her. and not in a subtle way. not in a youll catch it if youre paying attention way. theyre cruel out loud. theyve been like this my whole life. i grew up watching it. ive been managing it as best i can for years and im not even the one theyd be targeting

so i sat her down a few weeks ago and i told her honestly. i said heres what the room is going to feel like. heres the kind of thing you might hear. i didnt sanitize it. i wanted her to make a real decision with real information

and she said she didnt care. she said being there for me mattered more than getting through a few hours of difficult people. she said she wanted to comei believe her. i do. like i actually believe she means what shes saying

but ive sat in that room. ive watched what my family does when its in that mode. and the description of it is just genuinely different from being inside it. its hard to brace for something youve only heard described

and so im sitting here with this question. do i ask her not to come

i keep flipping back and forth one minute it feels like protection. shes someone i love and i know what shes walking into in a way she cant fully know herself. the next minute it feels like im taking something away from her she already chose. she made the call. shes an adult. she gets to decide what she can handle

theres also a thing i havent fully admitted to myself i think. some of this is about me. i dont want to spend my own celebration watching people i love get hurt by people i cant control. i dont know if im trying to protect her or trying to protect myself from having to witness it. those are not the same thing and i should probably be honest about that

i havent talked to her again about it. i dont want to make her feel like im going back on something. but i also dont want to just let it ride if im going to spend the whole event watching the door

WIBTA if i go back and ask her not to come after shes already said she wants to be there