u/DoubleOk363

tw weight numbers

i’ve been on birth control for over 2 years now (the pill) and last year i was struggling with an ED and went from 140-100 lbs at 5’4. i’ve been trying to recover this year and i believe i’m around 115 lbs now but i still have a lot of issues healthwise. my sleep is terrible, i take naps everyday, i have no motivation or sex drive which could be due to my antidepressant but unsure. i have no hunger cues yet constantly thinking of food and overall just not feeling too great. my periods on BC used to be very normal, only bleeding on the placebo week, but now its erratic and sometimes skips the month or just spots for weeks on end. i don’t know if i should stop birth control to see if i have a true period or not. i’m also still pretty active in my life, lifting 5x a week, 10-12k steps a day, so i don’t know if this is the issue either. is there any other signs of HA to look for besides the period aspect if you’re on birth control?

i’ve stopped tracking calories for the most part but i feel like food will never be just food anymore. it’s always macros, portion sizes, meal or snack, how often should i be eating, what time should i eat. i just wanna eat when i’m hungry and stop when i’m full but i have almost no cues for anything and it’s so frustrating

i’m currently in ‘recovery’ although i’d call it more quasi than true recovery, i eat close to my maintenance/slight surplus trying to bulk while strength training 5-6x a week plus 10k+ steps a day. i have definitely progressed a lot with food fears and tracking, i’m not even underweight anymore but i cannot get over my stupid ED rituals and it’s really affecting my relationship. i get so stressed to spend the night with my boyfriend because i can’t wake up early to get my steps in or go to the gym. i end up having a breakdown every time because i feel so lazy and unproductive. this recovery has been heavily fueled by the goal of building muscle/getting strong and without the exercise it all feels too hard. i wanna be able to relax more with my boyfriend and have more flexibility but these routines keep me stable and not relapsing with restriction. i’ve tried including my boyfriend in a lot of my life, we go to the gym together sometimes and he’s willing to take me to eat at the safe restaurants i enjoy on dates but i just don’t know how to get any further in recovery than this. any advice pls <3