u/DragonfruitTop5832

You said that nobody treated you like how I cared for you. You said that you never felt for anyone how you felt for me. But not once you initiated calls. You were always busy for me. Do you remember us? Because I do remember us every day. There are times I'm okay. There are times I wonder how you are okay for us to be strangers when we love each other so much. I was ready to do anything for you.

Now, when I see you following random girls on insta and liking random girls, it makes me wonder if I was really special to you? You said I broke up over a text, but wasn't I one who kept on calling and messaging you? How could you rewrite a story about which something didn't happen? Don't you remember that you were one who said that you would break up with me if you didn't change. I couldn't imagine life without you. But looking at you, I just feel more lost . Was I really not worth the fight? I just hope that you know that no matter how much I was hurt by your silence, I still don't have grudges against you. I still wish you the best and happiness.

When we first broke up, there was a lot of love. I couldn't stop talking to him, nor I couldn't block him, but it was hurting to know that I have become from his girlfriend to his ex. Ig in Jan, I tried ending things on a good note because I genuinely did love him, and I just wanted the best for him. In the month of march, I came across a video when I thought we were in a relationship in one timeline, but I was getting silence and i thought because of his stress, he wasn't able to talk to me. And I called him cheater and as well I told him hope he is never happy and gets the same silence what he gave me even if ends up marrying someone who gives him the silence how he gave it to me.

And I blocked him. I have deleted his number as well. Usually, I don't block people. I let others block me, and I delete their number from my phone. Any person would block me after how I reacted to a video and his silence of months. I want to remove him from the block list where I feel safe that he won't reach out to me in the future. Seeing him that he hasn't blocked me somehow makes me feel uneasy when he is going on dates.

We both were each others first real relationship. We did love each other a lot. And I was the one who always kept on reaching out to him. He never ever once reached out. There was one time I called him constantly until he didn't give me some answer to me regarding the video. But I don't understand that he would not block me when I called him cheater and also told him that I don't wish for his happiness as well.

Honestly speaking, I did have a fair share of friendship breakups, and they didn't hurt me that much. I knew I let them take me for granted. I didn't learn until my last friendship breakup. I also learnt that subconsciously, I was allowing my ex to take me for granted. But it did hurt a lot with my ex because there were so many things I learnt from him that I'm a people pleaser and can't say no. Like he did teach me to stand up for myself. He even shared his own vulnerabilities as well. And we were quite in a serious relationship. We spoke about the future as well, and there was a lot of love as well.

I genuinely have this question when you are stressed out and choose to discard someone who is so close to you where you spend your days and nights with them how are you okay to be strangers with the same person and okay to choose new friends? When you choose to be vulnerable with someone like how can you turn so cold with them but able to perform with others?

Honestly, I feel I'm closer to my healing journey. I do recognise my red flags, his red flags and where I was overgiving and being too much available for him. Where I was abandoning my needs but my mind is stuck that when I was in the bargaining stage of grief, I didn't want a relationship from him but was constantly apologising him, but he just gave me pure silence. And here I'm just wondering if I actually meant something to him then he would have said along the lines that it is okay and don't have to feel bad and it's best we both move on. Because I never got a proper ending so I thought maybe when I was apologising I would get proper ending but honestly I never got it and my mind keeps on going back to that who genuinely discards a person and give silence so much that the other person reaches their own limit and later blame the other person for the breakup.

Genuinely do avoidants make you so feel bad about yourself that one moment you are scared to love anyone because the silence is actually very traumatising. There were really good moments and suddenly silence and don't even get proper ending and feels like was I really that bad person that he couldn't talk to me? I have ignored people in my life who were genuinely toxic and were taking me for granted after putting me down from day 1. So when he does the same I feel do I come under this category that I was this bad person that he could have time for his new friends but not talk to me about ending the relationship.

The timeline of me completely removing my ex from every platform is literally like two days or so. I have accepted that I don't think so I want this kind of dynamic in my life nor the toxicity where I have done everything for him, and yet he blames me for the downfall for the relationship.

I just wanted to know how does it looks after a year. Maybe it would help me to visualise. Does life get better? Do you get used to their silence and can have a better life when you were with them? Did your spark come back? Did you guys love your life again? How did you write your new story without them?

I was having this conversation with mom and we were talking about if my ex was genuinely a good person then he would cleanly broke up with me and would have said maybe we need to focus on our lives and end the chapter instead of giving me mixed signals and letting me chase him and rewriting the story which didn't happen. And even if in future we reconnect, he would only test that do I still have feelings for him he wouldn't genuinely care about me and he wouldn't regret how it ended.

So my question is that do avoidants really not regret when there were actually good times? Like do you guys don't regret if you could be more vulnerable with your partner you would feel lighter and closer instead of turning into some toxic thing? Isn't that what healthy relationship is all about it?

I'm tired of feeling every emotion. I also want to move on and love my life again, but it hurts. I want to start dating again, but I'm too scared to get heartbroken. When did you guys started to feel better about your life?? Does it stop hurting how you were discarded? Somedays are fine but somedays feel like I'm back to square one

Honestly, I know a part of my ex has health issues, but instead of leaning in, he withdrew from the relationship. And then he gave me complete silence instead of breaking up cleanly, and during the last months, he kept on saying that he was struggling. But when I see his social media, he seems fine and he made new friends, and he doesn't seem sad or anything. Like for me I genuinely thought he was a good guy. I wanted to repair the relationship because I couldn't imagine a life without him. But how are they okay that they won't see a person forever without fighting for the relationship who would have done so much for them, and this is something my avoidant ex knew about me. Like how are the okay with making new friends and distract themselves and okay with the fact that they lost someone like is this how they behave all time whenever there is loss? Or how are they okay to just move on as if nothing happened?

After going through avoidant discard breakup. It took me nearly a year to finally free from the hurt, questioning every move or self doubting. But looking at how many people have similar experience of avoidants break up like for longer term 4 years or 5 years that for avoidants you are the love of the life and yet they discard you like even after marriage. How traumatic the experience like everything seems to be going good until one day they decide that it is too much for them.