u/Dramatic_Path3858

I dropped both of my dogs off today for day boarding, and I’m feeling really anxious about how it went.

They’re littermates, both 11 month old terrier mixes, and both rescues. We originally adopted Teddy about 3 months ago, and ended up adopting his brother Beaux about 1–2 months later. We definitely didn’t expect to have both of them, but we absolutely love having them together.

Beaux is a great dog. He’s a little nervous and timid at first, but warms up quickly and will usually start playing with people almost immediately.

Teddy is more complicated. He has a lot of anxiety and fear reactivity, which we’ve been working really hard on. We train at least 3 times a week, going to places like Lowe’s and other public areas and rewarding him for staying calm around people. We walk every morning and do a “training walk” where we work on his reactions.

He has made HUGE progress. He’s good around my family now, he’s okay with people walking by us outside, and in public he usually only lets out a few barks before redirecting to me. He picks up on training so quickly and honestly impresses me every time.

He’s also under 20 lbs, so he is a BIG barker. But it is very clearly fear based. At home with us, he is the sweetest, cuddliest dog ever. He just has a really hard time with unfamiliar people.

We have a trip coming up and unfortunately can’t bring them. A dog sitter isn’t really an option because of our living situation and someone coming into our house would probably be much harder for Teddy anyway. My dad occasionally comes over to let them out, and even though Teddy knows him, sometimes he refuses to come out and just stands there barking at him.

About a week ago, we did an evaluation at a more “boutique” style daycare/boarding facility. They called us after only 8 minutes and told us to come get him because he was overwhelming them and scaring them. Obviously we did, and instead booked him at our veterinarian’s boarding facility. They know his history, his vet is on site, and I felt much more comfortable with them.

We also started trazodone 3 days ago, 50 mg alongside his training, and the difference has been INCREDIBLE. He responds so well to us and has been doing amazing.

Today was supposed to be a trial day of boarding before he stays there next week.

When we first walked in, both dogs did great. Teddy wasn’t barking at all. But when one of the employees came over to put his lead on, he completely flipped out. I could tell the staff member was visibly nervous, and I felt absolutely horrible for both of them.

They were very sweet about it and took him to the back. Once he was back there, he actually did much better. He stopped barking, got on the scale easily, and seemed to settle down. Beaux settled almost immediately and was already playing.

Teddy did struggle when he saw me leave, so I followed them around a corner and then quickly walked out so he wouldn’t keep watching me.

Now it’s been almost 3 hours, and he still has about 7 more hours there today.

I’m honestly terrified. I know one bad experience doesn’t erase months of training, but I’m scared that this is going to set him back or make him even more fearful. And I’m also terrified they’re going to call me later and say, “He did okay, but we can’t board him.”

Has anyone dealt with a fearful/reactive dog who eventually learned to tolerate daycare or boarding? Did a rough first drop-off actually end up being okay? I could really use some reassurance right now.

Literally just want to rant on here. My dogs are all amazing, I have a 13 year old retriever mix, and two 10-month old terrier mixes. Lucy, the retriever is perfect. she doesn't listen, I rescued her when she was 10 so I don't expect that, but she's just old, sweet, and slower.

Beaux, one of the 10 month old terriers, is pretty good. He will occasionally have an accident inside, and is slower to learn training, but overall good, chill, just easy going and loving.

Now Teddy. ted. Ted the man. Oh my god. He is 17 lbs of pure speed and anxiousness and fun right now. He's struggled with anxiety since we rescued him, but his separation anxiety is pretty much gone now (thanks to his brother) and he's working on getting better with other triggers! (people walking, new people, cars, etc.) His reactiveness to cars is pretty much gone, and people are okay (for the most part) as long as they don't approach.

But Teddy has recently decided to unlearn absolutely everything he's ever learned! He straight up looked me in the eyes yesterday, squatted, and peed on the couch. solid stream. just peeing. He WAS potty trained. He's jumping up and down in circles during training, jumping on tables, one day his reactivity will be amazing, the next he's barking his head off at a person 100 yards away. He's decided his bed time is no longer bed time and would rather play all night long! Which obviously causes him to randomly pee at 3am. Door manners he got so good at? oh those are gone. "Leave it" and "drop it" commands he had down pat just a month ago, forget it!

I know he'll be okay. And yes, we do get plenty of exercise/training. Both other dogs are completely content, and honestly are usually super tired from all the exercise we do. Teddy is like a toddler - GO GO GO GO GO-dead asleep.

And no - crate training isn't an option. We have tried EVERYTHING but he is a true case of confinement anxiety (bleeds, screams, pants, throws up, diarrhea)

I just need reassurance this will pass. Especially the potty part, it's so weird to me and I feel like i'm starting on day 1 every other day. I mean we're back to every single time he gets up, he's going outside.

My fiancé (23M) and I (20F) got engaged pretty quickly, and I think that's part of what's making everything so confusing now.

From the very beginning, our relationship moved fast. He's always been the one pushing things forward, and before I really had time to process one milestone, we were already at the next. That said, I wasn't dragged along unwillingly, I was excited too. I said yes to everything because I genuinely wanted it at the time.

About eight months into dating, he proposed.

The proposal itself wasn't anything like I'd always imagined. I've always pictured getting engaged somewhere beautiful with my family secretly there to celebrate afterward. Instead, it was just us. In our apartment kitchen. On top of that, my brother had just started going through a very fresh divorce, so announcing our engagement felt awkward and almost guilty. It was hard to fully celebrate because my family was dealing with so much emotionally.

Still, we were excited, and we started planning a wedding.

Here's where my confusion starts.

On paper, he is almost everything someone would hope for in a partner. He opens every door for me. He's attentive, observant, emotionally intelligent, and communicates incredibly well. He genuinely listens. He's thoughtful in ways most people aren't. He treats me with so much love and respect that sometimes it almost feels unreal.

But there are things I can't ignore.

I don't always find him funny, and sometimes the things he says genuinely make me cringe. He's extremely affectionate, almost to a point where I sometimes question whether it feels natural or performative, even though I know he means every bit of it. I don't feel overwhelmingly physically attracted to him, and we've had some sexual incompatibilities that haven't really gone away.

The hardest part to admit is that while I absolutely love him, I don't know if he's my best friend.

I sometimes feel embarrassed bringing him around my friends because whenever we go out, he tends to drink too much and slips into this "therapist mode," trying to deeply analyze everyone's feelings. My friends haven't said anything, but I notice it, and it makes me uncomfortable.

We've also had some issues with control. He gets upset about certain clothes I wear, how often I go out, who I'm with, or even things I say. He's also very particular about how we speak to each other. For example, he doesn't even like me calling him by his first name because he feels it's impersonal.

None of these things come from cruelty. They come from his idea of respect, love, and closeness. That's what makes this so difficult. He's not abusive. He's not mean. He's genuinely a good person.

Sometimes he almost feels... too perfect.

The problem is that I'm not.

I'm sarcastic. I'm constantly changing. I want spontaneity and adventure. I want to travel, make dumb decisions while I'm still young, meet new people, and experience life. He wants stability, a home, children, routines, and a peaceful future.

If you asked me to picture my future in 10 or 20 years, what he wants is probably exactly what I'd want too. A beautiful home. Kids. Stability. A loving husband.

He would do absolutely anything to give me that life. I genuinely believe this man would sacrifice everything if it meant I could have my dream house, our dream family, and a secure future.

Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to fast-forward through my twenties just to get to the ending that everyone says is supposed to make you happy. I catch myself thinking, "Am I staying because I know he'll make an incredible husband and father someday?" instead of asking whether this relationship fulfills me now.

We're about eight months away from the wedding. We've planned almost everything. Thousands of dollars have already been spent. Both of our families are incredibly excited. Calling it off would completely blindside him. It would absolutely crush him, and that's one of the hardest parts because he has done so little "wrong."

I honestly don't know if this is normal fear before getting married, fear of growing up, anxiety because everything happened so quickly, or my intuition telling me something important.

I'm terrified of making the wrong decision.

I'm terrified of marrying an amazing man and realizing years later that I ignored my doubts.

But I'm equally terrified of leaving someone who truly loves me and spending the rest of my life wondering if I walked away from the kind of partner people spend decades searching for.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How did you know whether you were experiencing normal pre-marriage anxiety or whether your doubts meant you weren't with the right person?

I've been part of the same friend group (about 6 people) for roughly 10 years. One of the girls in the group was my absolute best friend growing up.

Since high school ended, it feels like she has become incapable of being happy for me. I'm 21, almost finished with college, have a career, live on my own, and recently got engaged. Instead of supporting any of it, she either dismisses it, gets visibly awkward when I talk about it, or finds a way to criticize it.

Some examples:

• When I started college, she constantly talked down about it.
• She has made comments that my fiancé must be controlling because he encourages me during workouts when I want to quit.
• She called him a "con man" because his father (who he has zero contact with) went to prison years ago.
• She is incredibly nice to his face (full hugs, friendly conversations, etc.) but says awful things about him when he's not around.
• She once left me stranded in an Uber situation at 3 AM because she didn't want to stay at my house after finding out my fiancé lived there. I offered her a guest room, couch, and even my own bed while making him sleep elsewhere. She said she cant deal with married people.
• She berates me for not drinking. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. this past weekend i was out with all of them until 3am, and when I didn't want a drink the next day, she asked who was controlling me and explained that I should "be young"
• She constantly tells me I don't show up enough, despite the fact that I see friends multiple times a month, have a healthy relationship, spend time with family, work, and go to school.
• She is routinely hours late to plans and rarely answers phone calls herself.

The biggest issue is that she's just become mean. Not blunt. Not honest. Mean.

I've tried talking to her before. Her response was basically that I need to do better and come around more. She also claimed she "doesn't know who my fiancé really is," despite him spending time with our friend group on trips, nights out, pool days, dinners, etc.

At this point, I genuinely don't enjoy being around her anymore. Every interaction leaves me feeling worse about myself.

The problem is that I still love the rest of my friend group. I'm worried that if I distance myself from her, or decide she doesn't have a place in my wedding, she'll immediately run to everyone else and tell her version of the story. I honestly fear the rest of the group may side with her simply because she's louder and more dramatic about conflicts.

Has anyone dealt with a longtime friend who seemed resentful of your life choices? How did you handle it without blowing up the entire friend group?

I hate to say it, but deep down i do know why. She has no career, never had a serious relationship/any relationship for that matter, she's an alcoholic, she hit a THC pen from sun up to sun down, she has never worked out, is in horrible debt, and lives at home with zero chance of ever leaving in the next 5-10 years.

TL;DR:
My childhood best friend has become increasingly critical, dismissive, and mean toward me since I started college, built a career, got engaged, and became more independent. She insults my fiancé behind his back, berates me for not drinking, complains I don't spend enough time with her, and makes me feel terrible whenever we're together. I want to distance myself and don't think I want her involved in my wedding, but I'm afraid she'll turn the rest of our 10-year friend group against me. How do I handle this?

TL;DR: Rescue rat terrier we've had for one month is doing amazing in every area except being left alone. He went from full-blown crate panic (screaming, accidents, even breaking a crate) to being able to settle independently and occasionally stay quiet for 15 minutes. We've done weeks of separation training, enrichment, exercise, and management, but today was my first day back at work full-time and I'm terrified he'll panic while I'm gone. Looking for success stories from people whose dogs started out like this and eventually adjusted.

I'm not even sure what exactly I want out of this post. Maybe motivation, maybe someone to say, "Hey, I had to do that too, and it all worked out!" At this point, I'll take anything.

We've had our rat terrier rescue, Teddy, for one month today.

Overall, he's actually doing really well. He's a little afraid of things, but he's gotten SO much braver. He adapts quickly, and there aren't any long-term aggression or reactivity issues that worry me. At this point, his only real fears are very large vehicles (dump trucks, garbage trucks, etc.) and being left alone.

The truck issue is improving. He used to try to run away, and now he can usually stop, stand still, and let them pass.

The separation issue is where we're struggling.

When we first got him, we immediately started crate training. For the first two days, he seemed okay with it. Looking back, I think he was so overwhelmed by everything around him that he hadn't even processed the crate yet.

By day three, the crate became absolute hell.

It didn't matter whether it was day or night, whether we were beside the crate, in the room, touching it, or gone completely. It was full-blown panic every single time. He would scream, pee, poop, and never settle.

Then we had an emergency one night and had no choice but to leave him for 4–5 hours. I know that's not ideal, but it was unavoidable. It ended with multiple noise complaints from neighbors. One neighbor even threatened to call animal control because they believed the screaming was "obvious abuse."

We were already miserable in that living situation, and that was basically the final straw. We moved out the next day.

I know the move probably wasn't ideal for him either, but it had to happen. Surprisingly, he adjusted really well. The last time he was ever crated was during the move itself. He panicked so badly that he actually broke the front off the crate.

For the last two weeks, we've been in our new place, and honestly, he LOVES it. We have a big yard and no shared walls. His confidence has absolutely skyrocketed. He gets genuinely excited to go outside, and he seems happier than ever.

During those two weeks, I've either stayed home with him or brought him to work with me. At the same time, we've been doing nonstop separation training. If there's a commonly recommended technique, we've probably tried it (except medication).

I always knew these two weeks would eventually end, though. Today was my first day back at work full-time.

The good news is that he's made progress. He can sleep on his own bed at night now and is comfortable with us being in different rooms around the house.

When we actually leave, though, it's still very inconsistent.

Instead of nonstop screaming, he'll now bark on and off. Sometimes he pees or poops, sometimes he doesn't. He's only destroyed two things so far—a seal around the front door while trying to get out, and a curtain rod i assume he tore down while jumping on the window.

Today I had no choice but to leave him.

I completely puppy-proofed a room for him: There is no windows, multiple beds, his blankets, shirts that smell like us, white noise, a fan, lick mats, treats, food, water, and puppy pads.

I don't know how he's going to do.

I can't let him free roam because he tries to chew at the front door and has even managed to partially open it before. We also have another dog and a cat. They all get along great, but honestly they don't seem to comfort him when we're gone. If anything, I think my older dog gets stressed by Teddy's anxiety.

My vet mentioned that trazodone might help and told me to call if I wanted to try it. But the conversation left me feeling a little discouraged. She was adamant that he needs more exercise, more calming activities, and a trainer.

I simply cannot afford a trainer right now.

As for exercise, I genuinely don't know what else I can add. Before work he gets about an hour and a half of walking, including 30 minutes off leash. We play ball. We do obedience training. He's learned sit, down, wait, stay, leave it, spin, and shake. Clearly his brain is being worked too.

On top of that, he gets CBD treats, a ThunderShirt, white noise, lick mats, enrichment activities, and plenty of water.

So what else can I realistically do?

I love this dog so much, but I'm terrified of coming home to a destroyed room, an eaten door, or worse, him hurting himself trying to escape.

Has anyone had a dog start out like this and eventually adapt?

I know the gold standard is gradual departures—1 second, 30 seconds, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, and so on. We've been doing that consistently for weeks, and we still do it every afternoon and weekend.

The thing that keeps me hopeful is that the other day he made it 15 minutes completely silent.

I guess I'm just looking for stories from people who were where I am now and came out the other side.

I honestly just want some feedback on how severe my rescue's separation anxiety sounds.

A few years ago, I had a dog with truly severe separation anxiety. It honestly sent me into a really dark place mentally, so I'm terrified of going through that again.

My fiancé and I adopted a small rat terrier/chihuahua/mutt mix a little over 2 weeks ago. The rescue estimated 3 months old, but that's definitely not right. I'd guess somewhere between 8 months and 1 year. Other than the anxiety, he's honestly amazing. Great with our other dog, our cat, kids, car rides, learning leash walking quickly, picking up potty training, basic obedience, tricks, all of it.

The rescue believes he was picked up as a stray, and he's definitely very skittish. He barks at strangers, especially men, but he's already made huge progress. In just over 2 weeks, he's gotten over fears of cars, stairs, loud noises, walks, and a bunch of other everyday things. He's a really brave dog and learns fast.

The separation anxiety is what worries me.

We started crate training immediately. At first he did fine, but then he began absolutely panicking in the crate, even if we were standing right there. He would scream nonstop and sometimes pee or poop within minutes. If we left, he screamed the entire time. We had to suddenly move unexpectedly, and the barking played a part for sure. We were excited to move somewhere with no neighbors, and already had it lined up, but I hate that stressor was put on him! He did settle VERY quickly, and seems more comfortable at the new place.

Eventually he completely broke out of his crate while staying with my parents during our move. Since then we've been trying free roaming, and honestly it seems much better. He still barks and cries, but there's no destruction, no accidents, and he seems less panicked overall.

That makes me wonder if this is more isolation distress or confinement anxiety rather than pure separation anxiety. He definitely seems to do better outside the crate, and he already seems noticeably calmer free roaming than he did in the crate.

He's also become very attached to me specifically. If I leave and my fiancé stays home, he'll cry and pace. If my fiancé leaves and I'm still there, he checks where my fiancé went and then settles down. He follows me room to room most of the time, sits outside the shower, etc.

The good news is that he already seems to be improving. At our old apartment he would scream constantly. At the new house, even though we've only been here a short time, he's already quieter. Today for the first time he cried at the door, stopped on his own, and went upstairs to stand on the couch. I've also been practicing short departures throughout the day.

Just today I went to the bathroom for about 4 minutes while we were in my office and, for the first time, he didn't even get off his bed to follow me.

We both work full time. Right now he comes to work with me, but in about 2 months that won't be an option anymore. We have a vet appointment coming up and I'll definitely be discussing anxiety meds if they're appropriate.

My biggest fear is that this is one of those hopeless cases that never improves. At the same time, he's shown so much progress with every other fear he's had that part of me feels like confidence building and time might help a lot.

Has anyone had a dog like this who eventually turned out fine? Does this sound severe, moderate, or fairly typical for a fearful rescue that's only been home for 2 weeks?

TLDR: Rescue dog has been home for a little over 2 weeks. Very fearful but making huge progress with almost everything. Panics when I leave, especially if confined, but seems noticeably better when free roaming. Already showing small improvements like settling on the couch after I leave a room and not even getting up when I went to the bathroom for a few minutes. Looking for honest opinions on how severe this sounds and whether anyone has had a similar dog who eventually became comfortable being alone.

I just rescued my dog yesterday and I’m honestly obsessed with him already.

The rescue estimates he’s around 3 months old and he was already neutered, picked up as a stray. But I’m starting to think he might be a bit older and just really small. He has all of his adult teeth (they look pretty new), and he doesn’t really have that chaotic young puppy energy. He’s actually pretty calm and observant.

Because of that, I’m guessing he may have spent more time on his own than we initially thought. He’s not aggressive at all, just cautious. He’s definitely skittish, but still curious. Once he realizes something is safe, he warms up pretty quickly.

We have an older, calmer dog at home who I think will help a lot, and overall I’m not too worried about building his confidence long-term. He seems like a great candidate for that.

There are just two things I want to get ahead of:

1. He barks at certain people when they approach him, especially if he’s unsure. It doesn’t seem aggressive, more like fear or “please don’t come closer.”
2. On walks, he’ll frequently stop, sit, or try to hide. I completely understand why, since everything is new and probably overwhelming, but I’m not sure how to handle it without accidentally teaching him that he gets to control the walk by stopping.

I want to build his confidence without scaring him more. He’s so sensitive right now that I don’t even feel right using a firm correction.

Any advice on working through these kinds of fear-based behaviors, especially this early on? Would love to hear from anyone who’s raised a shy or formerly stray pup.

I just rescued my dog yesterday and I’m honestly obsessed with him already.

The rescue estimates he’s around 3 months old and he was already neutered, picked up as a stray. But I’m starting to think he might be a bit older and just really small. He has all of his adult teeth (they look pretty new), and he doesn’t really have that chaotic young puppy energy. He’s actually pretty calm and observant.

Because of that, I’m guessing he may have spent more time on his own than we initially thought. He’s not aggressive at all, just cautious. He’s definitely skittish, but still curious. Once he realizes something is safe, he warms up pretty quickly.

We have an older, calmer dog at home who I think will help a lot, and overall I’m not too worried about building his confidence long-term. He seems like a great candidate for that.

There are just two things I want to get ahead of:

1. He barks at certain people when they approach him, especially if he’s unsure. It doesn’t seem aggressive, more like fear or “please don’t come closer.”
2. On walks, he’ll frequently stop, sit, or try to hide. I completely understand why, since everything is new and probably overwhelming, but I’m not sure how to handle it without accidentally teaching him that he gets to control the walk by stopping.

I want to build his confidence without scaring him more. He’s so sensitive right now that I don’t even feel right using a firm correction.

Any advice on working through these kinds of fear-based behaviors, especially this early on? Would love to hear from anyone who’s raised a shy or formerly stray pup.

I believe in God. I do not believe in organized religion.

And before people immediately assume I am an atheist or “angry at God,” that is not the case at all. I fully believe there is something greater than humanity. I just do not believe that thing requires a church, a hierarchy, a holy book, or human authority figures speaking on its behalf.

To me, God is existence itself. Consciousness. Nature. Life and death. Good and evil. Energy. Creation. I do not believe God is a man in the sky demanding obedience and worship.

What I cannot understand is organized religion and the way people surrender themselves to it completely.

Specifically Christianity, because that is what I am surrounded by in the southern United States. People are raised being told that a book written thousands of years ago, translated countless times, edited repeatedly, and interpreted differently by thousands of denominations is the flawless and absolute truth of existence. Not symbolic truth. Literal truth. Perfect truth.

And people build their entire identities around it.

Their morality, sexuality, relationships, politics, purpose, worldview, and sense of self become attached to obedience toward something they were told not to question.

That is the part I genuinely cannot conceptualize.

Because from my perspective, organized religion often sounds less like spirituality and more like submission. “Give your life to God.” “Deny yourself.” “Follow.” “Obey.” “Trust authority over your own understanding.” Whether that authority is scripture, a pastor, a husband, a church, or whoever claims to speak for God.

Why would an all powerful creator want obedience instead of authenticity?

Why would a loving God create human beings with curiosity, individuality, critical thinking, and emotional depth only to demand that they suppress those things in favor of devotion?

And why is questioning treated like rebellion?

This is one of the biggest issues I have with religion. The moment you begin asking difficult questions, many believers become deeply uncomfortable or defensive. If something is truly the absolute truth, why should questioning it be threatening?

The Bible itself contains contradictions, historical inconsistencies, morally questionable passages, scientific inaccuracies, and teachings that have constantly evolved based on culture and interpretation. Entire books were removed or excluded by human beings. Different denominations disagree on major theological issues while all claiming divine truth. Yet somehow people are expected to treat it as unquestionable perfection.

Beyond that, organized religion has historically been used as a tool for power, control, and manipulation just as often as it has been used for good. Religion has justified war, sexism, homophobia, shame, abuse, colonialism, social control, political influence, financial exploitation, and moral superiority for centuries. People use religion to judge others while excusing themselves. Churches pressure struggling people for money while leaders gain wealth and influence. Parents disown children over doctrine. Entire communities divide people into “saved” and “unsaved,” “worthy” and “unworthy.”

And despite all of this, questioning religion is often treated as more offensive than the actual harm religion has caused.

I understand religion gives many people comfort, hope, structure, and community. I am not denying that. But I do not understand why spirituality has to involve surrendering yourself to authority and suppressing independent thought.

I think many people cannot imagine a God without rules, hierarchy, identity, punishment, and organized systems attached to it.

But personally, I do not believe we were created simply to obey.

I think we were created to experience life. To love, create, connect, question, evolve, fail, learn, and become fully ourselves.

Not just follow.

Why do you want to follow, why not expand your mind?

Okay, this may fit better somewhere else, but I genuinely want to hear people’s perspectives on this because religion has always fascinated me, especially as someone who believes in God, but not organized religion.

And before anyone assumes otherwise: I’m not “anti-God.” I absolutely believe there is something bigger than us. I just don’t believe that thing needs a name, a body, a book, a church, or a hierarchy. To me, God is everything and nothing all at once (nature, people, love, pain, energy, life, death, good, evil, consciousness itself.) I don’t think God is a man sitting in the sky demanding obedience. I think existence itself is divine.

What I genuinely cannot wrap my head around is organized religion, specifically the way people devote their entire identity, morality, and purpose to stories written thousands of years ago, rewritten repeatedly, translated across countless languages, interpreted differently by every denomination, and then presented as unquestionable fact.

Using Christianity as the example, since that’s what I’m surrounded by in the southern U.S: people are told a single book is the absolute, perfect truth of existence. No flaws. No contradictions. No room for questioning. And somehow the expectation is that you should dedicate your entire life to it, your thoughts, your behavior, your relationships, your sexuality, your money, your time, even your sense of self.

And people want to.

That’s the part my brain genuinely struggles to understand.

Because stripped down, what I often hear is: “Give your life to someone else. Submit yourself. Follow. Obey. Don’t trust your own instincts, trust the authority above you.”

Whether that authority is God, a pastor, a church, your husband, your father, or whoever claims to speak “for” God.

Why would a loving God want blind devotion instead of authentic living? Why would the creator of humanity want people to suppress themselves, fear questioning, and dedicate their entire existence to proving loyalty?

And the second you ask questions, people get defensive. Not even angry sometimes, but genuinely uncomfortable. Like questioning the logic behind it is itself offensive.

But if something is truly absolute truth, shouldn’t it be able to withstand questioning?

That’s what fascinates me most. Not even the religion itself, but the psychology behind belief. I went to church recently for a friend’s birthday, and the pastor talked about the Bible as literal perfection, the flawless word of God, and everyone around me accepted it completely. I sat there honestly enthralled. I wasn’t mocking anyone. I genuinely wanted to understand how someone’s brain fully accepts that as undeniable truth without questioning the obvious inconsistencies, historical edits, contradictions, or the fact that human beings decided what books were even included in the Bible to begin with.

And beyond that, organized religion has historically been used for so much harm alongside the good. People use it to judge others, shame people, control women, justify hatred, feel morally superior, gain political power, manipulate vulnerable people, demand money, excuse abuse, and divide people into “worthy” and “unworthy.” Entire systems of power have hidden behind religion for centuries.

That doesn’t mean religion can’t help people. I know it gives many people comfort, hope, community, structure, and purpose. I respect that completely. But I don’t understand why belief so often has to come packaged with obedience, fear, hierarchy, and the rejection of independent thought.

I’ve honestly come to terms with the fact that many people cannot conceptualize a God without a story, a face, a set of hard rules, or a religion attached to it. But I don’t think a higher power would create human beings just to spend their lives following instructions and proving devotion.

I think if God exists, we were put here to experience life, to love, connect, learn, create, question, evolve, and become ourselves.

Not just follow.

genuinely want rebuttal and conversation from this. I'm again, NOT anti-God or a HATER of religion, it honestly just fascinates me more than I can explain that peoples brains work this way.