u/DreamBigLittleMum

Insight on what's going on here? Are we being too 'nice'?

We're a smallish business of ~30 staff (varies seasonally). There's the big boss, and four line managers with a team of 4-6 employees each.

I've been here for 15 years, worked up from the most junior role to manager. In the last 5 or so years the culture seems to have definitely taken a downturn. Whiny, is probably the best way to describe it? Lots of low level issues that people talk about, but if you offer to log it formally, escalate it, or take action to address it, people say 'Nah, don't worry about it'. We have a regular audit by our industry body that takes feedback from staff and anonymises it, and it never raises anything significant. Last one we did we scored 85/100 for development, 88/100 for health and wellbeing and 81/100 for support. Summary was 'Congratulations, your employees agree that you are a good employer'. 🤷‍♀️

Most people don't talk about these issues to the managers, just round the office when we're not around. We try to be very accessible to people, we have weekly team catch ups with opportunities for ad hoc one-to-one catch ups afterwards, we have formal quarterly one-to-ones, quarterly company meetings with a completely open agenda, we all sit together in an open plan office. Often it's someone else who takes it upon themselves to say so-and-so isn't happy about xyz. If you raise it with the original person they sometimes say 'Actually yeah, that is a problem' but very often it's 'What? No. I never said that/I didn't want that brought to your attention'.

I've asked a number of people why staff won't talk to managers directly and I either get shrugs or the answer from a few more outspoken staff is that people feel like they get 'shut down' too much. Someone said we look too stressed. We implement employee feedback all the time, including really major stuff. For example, our contracts are for a 40 hour week, people wanted to go down to 37 hours. We offered them the option to go down to a 36 hour week pro-rata, they complained bout the pro-rata bit. Our pay is above average for the industry and we couldn't just give everyone a blanket overnight pay rise.

We also implement minor stuff, like people complained they didn't like just going to restaurants for our quarterly socials, so we sent out a form to gather information on what type of socials people would like (weeknight or weekend, what types of activities etc) and based on that feedback we booked a private arcade. We got everyone to agree the date before booking. Almost no-one turned up to the actual event. When asked, people said they were too tired on the day.

Our boss is extremely conflict avoidant and will *always* say yes if he can. This has resulted in two staff members having their job titles changed to include the word manager despite not having any formal management responsibilities. One of them is regularly mistaken for my boss, which doesn't particularly bother me as I don't really care about titles, but it just demonstrates how much the business accommodates staff requests.

Recently we had a senior staff member (who has been with us about a year) complain that people were coming to her instead of the managers and she was becoming the go to person for everyone's problems and it was becoming an issue for her. We have another member of staff (referred to by others as the 'office mum') who also complains about this. We set up an anonymous digital suggestion box so that she could direct issues there if people didn't want to speak to managers directly. No one has used it to date. She came back after a while and said a few staff had been talking and they wanted to have a company-wide meeting specifically without managers present so that they could all air out their grievances and have a spokesperson (her) bring them to the management team. We talked a lot about this and decided it wouldn't be a very productive approach. Firstly it seemed like it might just become a cooking pot of discontent when she is the only person to have formally raised or requested this. To quote another manager 'If the want to do that, can't they just go to the pub?'. I spoke to my staff about it and two seemed pro and the other two were against (these two are newer to the company, one said basically our staff don't know they're born). Secondly she had expressly complained about being everyone's go-to and that meeting would formally cement her in that position.

We already have an employee led group (no managers involved) who formally convene on their own schedule for this exact purpose, so we said that while we appreciated her trying to proactively resolve the issue, we recommended making use of the existing group. She came back saying she was disappointed especially given that we've already got a reputation for shutting people down.

I feel like I'm at my wits end. I can't work out if we're being so permissive that it's creating this atmosphere. We don't have any KPIs or anything. I wonder if people have nothing better to do but moan? Or if I'm missing something and we really are shutting people down too much.

In this time performance overall has been dropping. We've made the least money since COVID and staff chargeability is at a record low. It's like all the momentum has gone out of the business. I've got one foot out of the door myself for this reason but I'm still trying to give it my all as a manger.

Is this normal? What should we do about the meeting request, if anything? Is their anything we can do to fit this weird vibe in the office right now?

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u/DreamBigLittleMum — 3 days ago

I think I'm in trouble 😬

I'm not diagnosed with anything but I definitely have trouble with executive function. I am completely time blind, I have no concept of how much time has passed, and I really struggle to prioritise things correctly and transition between tasks. I cannot keep a memory in my head for more than two seconds and that has been horribly exacerbated by having a 3 year old and a 1 year old, especially as they both still wake in the night.

Despite this, up until now I've done alright. I'm a project manager and line manager and I kept a reasonably tidy house, stayed on top of my finances etc. but I managed this because I use lists,. Hundreds of lists. Lists of things to pack, lists to breakdown tasks, lists to remember to lock my front door and plug in my car. And alarms, and systems, and habit stacking and carefully designed environmental cues etc etc. Any time my routine changes or I get a new task, I have to make a list or set up a 'system'. I wasn't fully aware this was unusual until I moved in with my partner and witnessed him keep all of this stuff just... in his head. After that I just accepted that my brain works differently and I just have to put a bit more time and effort in.

But now here is my problem. I've been back at work full time for three months and THERE. IS. NO. TIME. No time to adjust my systems every time something changes, and so everything has fallen apart. My partner has been on Shared Parental Leave for these three months and has basically been taking up the slack, everything from waking me up in the morning, reminding me to pump, picking up all the household jobs I constantly forget to do (like taking the bin out on my way to the car to work), reminding me to pay my credit card bill!

My partner is going back to work this week and (quite rightly!) wants to rebalance the mental load and chores but I am honestly terrified that I just can't do it. There is not enough time in the day for me to use my tried and tested systems. I feel like I frantically run from task to task, shedding important memories and dropping essential jobs along the way.

I can't use work time because I'm already on a compressed week and we have timesheets and chargeability targets that don't allow for the 2+ hours I probably spend managing my broken brain. And I currently only have one conscious hour a day that isn't occupied by two small people finding ever more creative ways to give me a heart attack.

I'm fucking up every single day. Losing more and more control if my life. Does anyone relate to this? Any advice from those who survived is much appreciated.

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u/DreamBigLittleMum — 23 days ago

Partner and I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old and both work full time. I always thought 'not a second to spare' was just a turn of phrase before now but time is **tight**.

What are your game-changing, time-saving tips?

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u/DreamBigLittleMum — 4 months ago