u/DreamTheDream01

I'm pretty lonely, and having a hard time finding places to go to make friends. I mean I've found them, but people seem pretty averse to making new friends. I'm not sure what people do. I've gone to a couple of events about things I liked, and I've always felt like it seemed awkward.

I believe I'm extroverted, but maybe I'm not. I always find it easy to talk to people. I'm just still never sure if the other people feel that way. I've tried making conversation with people, and most of the time they literally shutdown and stop talking.

That's pretty much when I know I'm annoying someone so I move on. I mean I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I ask the normal questions that people would ask. Always trying to start a conversation about something or find something that me and the other person have in common.

Maybe I'm bad at being social or too good that it scares people. Not sure. I know I just talk a lot.

I've lost my job quite recently, and although I have found another it's going to be a while before I get paid. I'm pretty broke, so I'm thinking I'll probably have to use a food bank or find somewhere to get food.

I don't know why but I feel embarrassed. I'm not sure if I should really be using it. How bad off do I need to be in order to qualify? I mean for now I do have my apartment, clean clothes, and transport. I feel like I'd be taking food away from people who have been starving for a while.

I just haven't been paid by my new job and it will be a couple weeks, because I actually don't start until next week.

I'm kind of just shooting my shot in the dark, but currently I'm fucked. I don't want to be. I mean all I need is one job and I'll be okay. $15/hr is fine. I can afford all of my bills even with $15/hr. I just can't for some reason get any responses for jobs I apply to, and all the entry level easy jobs seem to be taken in my city.

I got fired from my job, and I'm currently looking for a new one. I've been looking pretty much every single day. I don't know what else I'm suppose to do. I worked so damn hard to get to where I am today, and I'm watching crumble beneath me over a stupid ass mistake. I'm devastated. I'm not currently mentally stable, but I'll definitely be mindlessly pressing "apply to job" on indeed for the next couple of hours until I drink my self to sleep.

I didn't want it to really get to this point. I was mainly drinking to hurt my self and so I could get the courage to do something that would make me non-existent. I mean it's not too bad. I'm not getting blackout drunk on a daily basis, but I am making sure I'm getting drunk. I feel like my life has been going downhill for a while now. Not really due to the alcohol. I've had mental health issues before the alcohol.

I got sexually assaulted in the middle of march at one of my favorite gay bars, and I was drugged. I'm pretty sure it didn't go farther than just him forcing me to make out with him and him shoving his hands down my pants without my consent. From the stories it seemed like I made a scene of passing out and he left.

That was a struggle though and it was pretty dark. I still think about it although after I found out we didn't have sex I've been better. The first week or so was hard and that's when I started drinking. I kind of threatened jump out of my apartment building on the 11th floor, and I was involuntarily admitted to a hospital. I was drunk that night.

I kept drinking but not as bad after the psychward, but then a couple of weeks go by, and I fuck up my job and get fired after making a mistake. Then I get fired because the insurance didn't like that I had weed in my system in a legal state. My bosses liked me. I was up for promotion after only being there for 3 months. I was going to be promoted to the highest paying job in the garage. Then I fucked up.

Now I've been applying to jobs for the past week or so, and I'm not really getting many hits besides shitty jobs I won't make money at. I've got an interview for a shop tomorrow. Hopefully I get it. I've been drinking pretty heavily since I lost my job though. I thought I was going to do something, but I just get too scared to do it.

If I fail I could fuck up the rest of my life and not be able to put my self out of my misery or I'd be sent back to the hospital. Which despite what people think actually does nothing to really help people mentally. I'd even wager to think they probably hurt more people than they help.

I'm just kind of tired of feeling sick all the time. I hate drinking. I want to stop. I don't think I need alcohol to hurt my self anymore.

I'm trying so much. I've been depressed for like 10 years and my only light up until this point has been waiting to move out of my parents so I could start my transition. I got it, and well I feel better than ever, but it's not an instant cure all because it wasn't the only thing I was depressed about. I think I'm just spiraling at this point and I can't stop it.

I've been trying to find things that could possibly make me happy, but nothing really does. I wanted to start socializing with more people but it's really hard. I'm not really sure where I can go to meet people that it's not weird. I'm not sure it's really me. I feel like I'm pretty good at talking to people. Just seems like when I go to places where social things should be happening people are already in groups talking to their friends and it's hard to speak to people because most people don't like talking to new people.

It's very hard cause it's kind of like a brick wall. People have a hard time socializing with new people, because most of the time they aren't really looking for it. I'm kind of alone and desperate, so I guess I'm more willing to socialize with new people.

I had therapists, working out, hookups, hobbies, etc. I don't know what I'm really doing. I started drinking a while back cause I've kind of given up on my self. I kind of just think about what I could do to my self on most days. Wish I could disappear.