u/DreamingEvergreen

Of course I love them both, but I’m sitting here pumping and tearful before they wake up.

I was out on bedrest at 22 weeks. I had a c-section at 35 weeks, and they were both taken to the NICU immediately. I didn’t see them for hours. Didn’t hold them for days. They were in the NICU for 34 and 52 days (which I know compared to many isn’t nearly as long), but prior to the c-section so many people on my medical team made comments about how babies born at 35 weeks often don’t need any NICU time, so I really wasn’t mentally expecting stays of that length.
When they were discharged we had medical equipment. We were averaging 4-7 appointments per week. They’ve each had surgeries. A year later, and we’re still probably averaging 3-4 appointments per week. There have been so many specialists. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of medical appointments I’ve been to this past year (plus during my high risk pregnancy).

Of course I love them both. It’s not a lack of love for them, I just feel like their first year was kind of…cheated? My spouse has been an amazing parent the past year, and we’ve largely done it together just the two of us because we have no family within 1500 miles of us. Now that we’re at their first year I feel like I just keep thinking of everything that happened after their birth rather than just sitting here in excitement.

Both babies sleep through the night for the first time ever (7:00pm-6:00am and they’re still asleep). (I still was up to pump but still.)

And they have each been napping 2x per day in their cribs this past week.

Last weekend we gave up on having them in the same room, and moved them into separate rooms. We lost our guest room/ office/ workout space (but lol we bought a peloton last December and have only been able to use it a handful of times anyway), and it has improved their sleep SO much.

9 months adjusted/ 10 months actual

My 8 months adjusted (9 months actual—she was a premie) is 24lbs. She’s above the 99th percentile in weight, but also in height, head circumference, etc. and has been for most of her life. I’m 5’11 and my husband is 6’2, so I’m guessing she likely is also going to be tall.

Her normal pediatrician is out on maternity leave, so we saw a fill in for her most recent appointment. He said he wants us to decrease the amount of formula/ breast milk she’s getting and cut overnight feeds (she wakes up once per night for a bottle). She’s been averaging about 32-33oz per day of milk, and he wants us to go down about 25% and increase solids. She’s not at the point where she’s really consuming much from solids though (we offer 2x per day and he wants us to increase to 3x per day with 2 snacks).

But I feel like 8 months adjusted is still pretty young for weaning milk? I thought babies were supposed to get most of their nutrition from milk the first year? Is this a normal recommendation at this age?

She’s a (fraternal) twin, and her twin only weighs 17lbs. The fill in pediatrician didn’t make this weaning recommendation for her smaller twin.

Sitting here pumping before work just feeling bitter that so much of the rest of the world has figured out that parents being with their young babies is important, but in America we only have 6-8 weeks semi-paid/ 12 weeks unpaid—even when you have more than one baby, and even if they spend months in the NICU, no additional time.

I already feel like neither of them get enough of my focus since it’s always split between them, and then having to spend the majority of the day away from them when they’re so small just leaves me feeling like I’m missing out.

I don’t want to be a stay at home mom forever, but I wish we at least could stay at home with them for the first year without risk of losing our career, health insurance, retirement, etc. I know this isn’t unique to me. It just makes me so mad for all of us.