u/Dreamylove222

So I (23F) started talking to a guy online (35M) in November 2025. For that first month, we were messaging a lot and it seemed amazing. I got attached (that’s my own issue I know) and started developing feelings pretty quickly for him. We have met a couple of times, and when we do it feels natural, enjoyable and he kisses me at the end.

As much as I’d love a relationship with him there’s some sticking points that make me debate pursuing this. The main one being he is SO busy! I don’t mean that in a criticism way or as if he is fobbing me off, but he has such an intense and long hour requiring job (in the military) and has kids he sees as per their court order. We usually message for a day, and then if I don’t message him back sooner, he’ll respond/check in \~5 days later with an apology for being so preoccupied. But he does also say unprompted “we will meet up again, we’ll make sure of it.”

He’s also a 3-4hr drive from me in a completely different city. I don’t mind this because I’ve done long distance before, but I could potentially be moved closer to him with a new job next year. However this is a fixed 4 year contract I wouldn’t be able to change locations for, so if things don’t go well for us I’m stuck in a place I wouldn’t have chosen to move to if he weren’t there.

Because of the amount of stuff already on his plate, I’m reluctant to pursue the relationship. Moreover though I feel my move may make it easier, it puts a lot a pressure on it to work. If I don’t move though it’ll be a continuation of what’s going on now and I don’t see how we can progress like this.

When we first started talking has said he’s open to any outcome of us and is happy either way. I want to respect his space because he needs time to recover after being with others and sounds exhausted when we do chat given work etc.

I’m ultimately just very confused on what to do and whether or not to pursue him, and how to make it work I guess if we wanted to actually date.

So I (23F) started talking to a guy online (35M) in November 2025. For that first month, we were messaging a lot and it seemed amazing. I got attached (that’s my own issue I know) and started developing feelings pretty quickly for him. We have met a couple of times, and when we do it feels natural, enjoyable and he kisses me at the end.

As much as I’d love a relationship with him there’s some sticking points that make me debate pursuing this. The main one being he is SO busy! I don’t mean that in a criticism way or as if he is fobbing me off, but he has such an intense and long hour requiring job (in the military) and has kids he sees as per their court order. We usually message for a day, and then if I don’t message him back sooner, he’ll respond/check in ~5 days later with an apology for being so preoccupied. But he does also say unprompted “we will meet up again, we’ll make sure of it.”

He’s also a 3-4hr drive from me in a completely different city. I don’t mind this because I’ve done long distance before, but I could potentially be moved closer to him with a new job next year. However this is a fixed 4 year contract I wouldn’t be able to change locations for, so if things don’t go well for us I’m stuck in a place I wouldn’t have chosen to move to if he weren’t there.

Because of the amount of stuff already on his plate, I’m reluctant to pursue the relationship. Moreover though I feel my move may make it easier, it puts a lot a pressure on it to work. If I don’t move though it’ll be a continuation of what’s going on now and I don’t see how we can progress like this.

When we first started talking has said he’s open to any outcome of us and is happy either way. I want to respect his space because he needs time to recover after being with others and sounds exhausted when we do chat given work etc.

I’m ultimately just very confused on what to do and whether or not to pursue him, and how to make it work I guess if we wanted to actually date.