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Hey everyone. I (19F) am posting this because I’ve been logging the exact patterns of behavior my dad and uncle have been using against me. I finally managed to pull my past notes together, and seeing it all in one place is completely overwhelming. They have built an environment designed to strip away my independence, ruin my confidence, and keep me financially stuck so I can't leave.

I need to lay this out chronologically just to process it and get some outside perspective. Here is exactly what I've been dealing with:

1. Financial Sabotage and Shifting Goalposts

• Bank Account Invasion: My uncle recently forced my dad to go through my private Chime bank account history line by line. Because I spent over $100 on gas and $100 on food/essentials over a week or two, my dad accused me of having a "food fetish" just for buying food and essentials.
• Extorting my Savings: Under the guise of teaching me "a lesson" on money management, my uncle forced me to transfer $300 straight out of my emergency car maintenance fund. He is holding it over my head, threatening that if I don’t find a job within 30 days, he’ll hand that money to my dad. That is money that could have gone toward my college tuition or to fix a minor inconvenience on my car.
• The Rent Trap: On top of taking my savings, my dad suddenly hiked my demanded payment from the agreed-upon $300 a month to $450 a month, knowing damn well I don't have a steady income yet due to being canned from my previous job and yet seeking new employment. He also threatened to take another $300 out of my pocket if my medical evaluation paperwork isn’t sorted out immediately. He also told me that I supposedly owe him nearly 7k in 'debt' for previous car repair that happened before I even had a job, for car insurance, and for rent (which very vaguely told by my uncle who stated that "not in too long, you'll be helping out paying rent.") even though I had originally only owe only $1,500 for previous car repair and insurance at the time of original agreement.

2. Micro-Managing Career and Higher Education

• FAFSA and Class Sabotage: When I was getting ready for college, my dad and uncle actively discouraged me from completing my FAFSA, telling me straight up that I wouldn't qualify for financial aid anyway. Then, after talking to my uncle, my dad insisted I might need to drop one of my classes. He constantly acts anxious about how I'll handle online coursework, even though I have a reliable computer setup.
• Destroying my Confidence: They constantly scream at me to get a job, but the second I try, they tear me down. My dad has told me to my face that I "can't handle fast food kitchens" and that I'm "only capable of being a Walmart stocker."
• The Waiting Accusations: He repeatedly accuses me of "doing nothing but waiting" for job responses, completely ignoring the fact that I am actively applying, handling interviews, and scheduling advisor meetings. At the same time, he tries to force me to apply to specific clothing stores like Ross, completely disregarding my own goals or technical skills.

3. Total Privacy Violations and Body Regulation

• Device Surveillance: I am given absolutely zero privacy. I've been forced to sit there while they visually scroll through my private phone records, apps, and history during lectures and 'discussions'.
• Invasive Grooming Demands: My dad completely crossed a line by commenting on my body and trying to dictate how I groom myself. He asked about what happens if I'm going to where a bikini and if my pubic hair sticks out, I've told him that I would trim the night before and he straight up told me that I shave my pubic hair before going out somewhere like that because it's 'disgusting' to him, completely ignoring my boundaries and my explanations about physical chafing and underwear comfort.
• Medication and Hygiene Policing: He tightly controls exactly when I take my medications, forcing strict rules even if my sleep schedule changes. He even micromanages tiny things, like ordering me to wash my phone screen with dish soap and a damp paper towel because he claims my "face is oily."
• Identity Disapproval: The lack of support isn't new. When I came out to him as bisexual back in my sophomore year of high school, he completely "jumped my ass" and criticized me for it.

4. Forced Compliance and Safety Violations

• Dangerous Driving Interferences: My dad demands that I answer his phone calls via my car’s Bluetooth radio instantly while I am actively driving on the road.
• Punishing Safety Decisions: If I choose safety and don't answer—like the time I was stuck waiting at a train crossing with the crossbars down—he throws a fit and scolds me for it later. Because of this constant hovering, even my solo hobbies like bank fishing and gaming have become completely flooded with anxiety and frustration.

5. Medical Autonomy Hijacking

• Overriding Medical Teams: My medical referral team was already directly handling my neuropsych evaluation, but my dad completely overrode them. He forced me to call clinical psychology myself while he sat downstairs waiting, then bitched at me because I only used my first name on the call instead of my full first and last name.
• Taking Over Transportation: I explicitly planned to drive my own car to my evaluation appointment so I could have a shred of control over my day. Instead, my dad took over, demanding that he drive me in his car because he is desperate to sit in on the evaluation and attempt to dig into my personal diagnoses.
• The "Time Bandit" Label: While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, he sits there and calls me a "time bandit," tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.
• Weaponizing My ADHD: They constantly use my ADHD as a weapon against me. While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, my uncle sits there and calls me a "time bandit," and my dad tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence and to do things my own way, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.

6. Psychological Warfare and Traumatic Stress

• The "Grey Rock" Trap: Trying to protect my peace by using the "grey rock" method (keeping responses short and emotionless) backfires instantly. He treats it as a threat, demanding submission and trying to force me to say things like "yes, sir" or forcing me to sit and endure his rants.
• Property Extortion: If I try to set a boundary and refuse to sit down for a forced "discussion" or argument, he immediately uses material threats, like saying he will strip my personal property or take the TV out of my bedroom.
• Severe Death Guilt-Trips: He uses extreme emotional manipulation regarding his health, telling me that he "could have a heart attack in bed" and that he is "about to give up" because I won't instantly do everything he says. He's also told me that if he were to pass away now, that I would be fucked because I wouldn't have anyone to 'tell' me what to do.
• The Medication Control Trap: My independence is stripped down to my daily health routine; my dad tightly controls exactly when I take my medications. He forces strict dosing rules on me—even when my sleep schedule varies or I wake up late—and uses my ADHD management as another way to hyper-regulate my day.
• Living in Hyper-Vigilance: This environment has left my brain in a state of constant, instinctual trauma response. Just hearing his footsteps walking around the house triggers instant anxiety because I am always anticipating criticism about my room, my choices, or my life.

They both are actively draining my financial resources despite knowing damn well that I don't have a job or a source of income yet, ruining my confidence/self-esteem so I feel like I can't survive on my own, and then calling me entitled or a child when I try to build a life or do something differently.

I’m working as hard as I can to get my college schedule sorted, get a job, and secure my own independence as a young adult wanting to get into creative game design, but dealing with this hyper-vigilance every single day is exhausting. Has anyone else survived a situation like this? How do I keep my head up and protect my savings while I plan my exit?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far because everyday, I start to feel like more and more like I'm just becoming crazy.

Hey everyone. I (19F) am posting this because I’ve been logging the exact patterns of behavior my dad and uncle have been using against me. I finally managed to pull my past notes together, and seeing it all in one place is completely overwhelming. They have built an environment designed to strip away my independence, ruin my confidence, and keep me financially stuck so I can't leave.

I need to lay this out chronologically just to process it and get some outside perspective. Here is exactly what I've been dealing with:

1. Financial Sabotage and Shifting Goalposts

• Bank Account Invasion: My uncle recently forced my dad to go through my private Chime bank account history line by line. Because I spent over $100 on gas and $100 on food/essentials over a week or two, my dad accused me of having a "food fetish" just for buying food and essentials.
• Extorting my Savings: Under the guise of teaching me "a lesson" on money management, my uncle forced me to transfer $300 straight out of my emergency car maintenance fund. He is holding it over my head, threatening that if I don’t find a job within 30 days, he’ll hand that money to my dad. That is money that could have gone toward my college tuition or to fix a minor inconvenience on my car.
• The Rent Trap: On top of taking my savings, my dad suddenly hiked my demanded payment from the agreed-upon $300 a month to $450 a month, knowing damn well I don't have a steady income yet due to being canned from my previous job and yet seeking new employment. He also threatened to take another $300 out of my pocket if my medical evaluation paperwork isn’t sorted out immediately. He also told me that I supposedly owe him nearly 7k in 'debt' for previous car repair that happened before I even had a job, for car insurance, and for rent (which very vaguely told by my uncle who stated that "not in too long, you'll be helping out paying rent.") even though I had originally only owe only $1,500 for previous car repair and insurance at the time of original agreement.

2. Micro-Managing Career and Higher Education

• FAFSA and Class Sabotage: When I was getting ready for college, my dad and uncle actively discouraged me from completing my FAFSA, telling me straight up that I wouldn't qualify for financial aid anyway. Then, after talking to my uncle, my dad insisted I might need to drop one of my classes. He constantly acts anxious about how I'll handle online coursework, even though I have a reliable computer setup.
• Destroying my Confidence: They constantly scream at me to get a job, but the second I try, they tear me down. My dad has told me to my face that I "can't handle fast food kitchens" and that I'm "only capable of being a Walmart stocker."
• The Waiting Accusations: He repeatedly accuses me of "doing nothing but waiting" for job responses, completely ignoring the fact that I am actively applying, handling interviews, and scheduling advisor meetings. At the same time, he tries to force me to apply to specific clothing stores like Ross, completely disregarding my own goals or technical skills.

3. Total Privacy Violations and Body Regulation

• Device Surveillance: I am given absolutely zero privacy. I've been forced to sit there while they visually scroll through my private phone records, apps, and history during lectures and 'discussions'.
• Invasive Grooming Demands: My dad completely crossed a line by commenting on my body and trying to dictate how I groom myself. He asked about what happens if I'm going to where a bikini and if my pubic hair sticks out, I've told him that I would trim the night before and he straight up told me that I shave my pubic hair before going out somewhere like that because it's 'disgusting' to him, completely ignoring my boundaries and my explanations about physical chafing and underwear comfort.
• Medication and Hygiene Policing: He tightly controls exactly when I take my medications, forcing strict rules even if my sleep schedule changes. He even micromanages tiny things, like ordering me to wash my phone screen with dish soap and a damp paper towel because he claims my "face is oily."
• Identity Disapproval: The lack of support isn't new. When I came out to him as bisexual back in my sophomore year of high school, he completely "jumped my ass" and criticized me for it.

4. Forced Compliance and Safety Violations

• Dangerous Driving Interferences: My dad demands that I answer his phone calls via my car’s Bluetooth radio instantly while I am actively driving on the road.
• Punishing Safety Decisions: If I choose safety and don't answer—like the time I was stuck waiting at a train crossing with the crossbars down—he throws a fit and scolds me for it later. Because of this constant hovering, even my solo hobbies like bank fishing and gaming have become completely flooded with anxiety and frustration.

5. Medical Autonomy Hijacking

• Overriding Medical Teams: My medical referral team was already directly handling my neuropsych evaluation, but my dad completely overrode them. He forced me to call clinical psychology myself while he sat downstairs waiting, then bitched at me because I only used my first name on the call instead of my full first and last name.
• Taking Over Transportation: I explicitly planned to drive my own car to my evaluation appointment so I could have a shred of control over my day. Instead, my dad took over, demanding that he drive me in his car because he is desperate to sit in on the evaluation and attempt to dig into my personal diagnoses.
• The "Time Bandit" Label: While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, he sits there and calls me a "time bandit," tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.
• Weaponizing My ADHD: They constantly use my ADHD as a weapon against me. While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, my uncle sits there and calls me a "time bandit," and my dad tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence and to do things my own way, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.

6. Psychological Warfare and Traumatic Stress

• The "Grey Rock" Trap: Trying to protect my peace by using the "grey rock" method (keeping responses short and emotionless) backfires instantly. He treats it as a threat, demanding submission and trying to force me to say things like "yes, sir" or forcing me to sit and endure his rants.
• Property Extortion: If I try to set a boundary and refuse to sit down for a forced "discussion" or argument, he immediately uses material threats, like saying he will strip my personal property or take the TV out of my bedroom.
• Severe Death Guilt-Trips: He uses extreme emotional manipulation regarding his health, telling me that he "could have a heart attack in bed" and that he is "about to give up" because I won't instantly do everything he says. He's also told me that if he were to pass away now, that I would be fucked because I wouldn't have anyone to 'tell' me what to do.
• The Medication Control Trap: My independence is stripped down to my daily health routine; my dad tightly controls exactly when I take my medications. He forces strict dosing rules on me—even when my sleep schedule varies or I wake up late—and uses my ADHD management as another way to hyper-regulate my day.
• Living in Hyper-Vigilance: This environment has left my brain in a state of constant, instinctual trauma response. Just hearing his footsteps walking around the house triggers instant anxiety because I am always anticipating criticism about my room, my choices, or my life.

They both are actively draining my financial resources despite knowing damn well that I don't have a job or a source of income yet, ruining my confidence/self-esteem so I feel like I can't survive on my own, and then calling me entitled or a child when I try to build a life or do something differently.

I’m working as hard as I can to get my college schedule sorted, get a job, and secure my own independence as a young adult wanting to get into creative game design, but dealing with this hyper-vigilance every single day is exhausting. Has anyone else survived a situation like this? How do I keep my head up and protect my savings while I plan my exit?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far because everyday, I start to feel like more and more like I'm just becoming crazy.

Hey everyone. I (19F) am posting this because I’ve been logging the exact patterns of behavior my dad and uncle have been using against me. I finally managed to pull my past notes together, and seeing it all in one place is completely overwhelming. They have built an environment designed to strip away my independence, ruin my confidence, and keep me financially stuck so I can't leave.

I need to lay this out chronologically just to process it and get some outside perspective. Here is exactly what I've been dealing with:

1. Financial Sabotage and Shifting Goalposts

• Bank Account Invasion: My uncle recently forced my dad to go through my private Chime bank account history line by line. Because I spent over $100 on gas and $100 on food/essentials over a week or two, my dad accused me of having a "food fetish" just for buying food and essentials.
• Extorting my Savings: Under the guise of teaching me "a lesson" on money management, my uncle forced me to transfer $300 straight out of my emergency car maintenance fund. He is holding it over my head, threatening that if I don’t find a job within 30 days, he’ll hand that money to my dad. That is money that could have gone toward my college tuition or to fix a minor inconvenience on my car.
• The Rent Trap: On top of taking my savings, my dad suddenly hiked my demanded payment from the agreed-upon $300 a month to $450 a month, knowing damn well I don't have a steady income yet due to being canned from my previous job and yet seeking new employment. He also threatened to take another $300 out of my pocket if my medical evaluation paperwork isn’t sorted out immediately. He also told me that I supposedly owe him nearly 7k in 'debt' for previous car repair that happened before I even had a job, for car insurance, and for rent (which very vaguely told by my uncle who stated that "not in too long, you'll be helping out paying rent.") even though I had originally only owe only $1,500 for previous car repair and insurance at the time of original agreement.

2. Micro-Managing Career and Higher Education

• FAFSA and Class Sabotage: When I was getting ready for college, my dad and uncle actively discouraged me from completing my FAFSA, telling me straight up that I wouldn't qualify for financial aid anyway. Then, after talking to my uncle, my dad insisted I might need to drop one of my classes. He constantly acts anxious about how I'll handle online coursework, even though I have a reliable computer setup.
• Destroying my Confidence: They constantly scream at me to get a job, but the second I try, they tear me down. My dad has told me to my face that I "can't handle fast food kitchens" and that I'm "only capable of being a Walmart stocker."
• The Waiting Accusations: He repeatedly accuses me of "doing nothing but waiting" for job responses, completely ignoring the fact that I am actively applying, handling interviews, and scheduling advisor meetings. At the same time, he tries to force me to apply to specific clothing stores like Ross, completely disregarding my own goals or technical skills.

3. Total Privacy Violations and Body Regulation

• Device Surveillance: I am given absolutely zero privacy. I've been forced to sit there while they visually scroll through my private phone records, apps, and history during lectures and 'discussions'.
• Invasive Grooming Demands: My dad completely crossed a line by commenting on my body and trying to dictate how I groom myself. He asked about what happens if I'm going to where a bikini and if my pubic hair sticks out, I've told him that I would trim the night before and he straight up told me that I shave my pubic hair before going out somewhere like that because it's 'disgusting' to him, completely ignoring my boundaries and my explanations about physical chafing and underwear comfort.
• Medication and Hygiene Policing: He tightly controls exactly when I take my medications, forcing strict rules even if my sleep schedule changes. He even micromanages tiny things, like ordering me to wash my phone screen with dish soap and a damp paper towel because he claims my "face is oily."
• Identity Disapproval: The lack of support isn't new. When I came out to him as bisexual back in my sophomore year of high school, he completely "jumped my ass" and criticized me for it.

4. Forced Compliance and Safety Violations

• Dangerous Driving Interferences: My dad demands that I answer his phone calls via my car’s Bluetooth radio instantly while I am actively driving on the road.
• Punishing Safety Decisions: If I choose safety and don't answer—like the time I was stuck waiting at a train crossing with the crossbars down—he throws a fit and scolds me for it later. Because of this constant hovering, even my solo hobbies like bank fishing and gaming have become completely flooded with anxiety and frustration.

5. Medical Autonomy Hijacking

• Overriding Medical Teams: My medical referral team was already directly handling my neuropsych evaluation, but my dad completely overrode them. He forced me to call clinical psychology myself while he sat downstairs waiting, then bitched at me because I only used my first name on the call instead of my full first and last name.
• Taking Over Transportation: I explicitly planned to drive my own car to my evaluation appointment so I could have a shred of control over my day. Instead, my dad took over, demanding that he drive me in his car because he is desperate to sit in on the evaluation and attempt to dig into my personal diagnoses.
• The "Time Bandit" Label: While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, he sits there and calls me a "time bandit," tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.
• Weaponizing My ADHD: They constantly use my ADHD as a weapon against me. While I am actively making calls to DHS, checking Medicaid documents, and setting up appointments, my uncle sits there and calls me a "time bandit," and my dad tells me I'm mentally a child for wanting independence and to do things my own way, and wonders why my depression and anxiety are getting worse.

6. Psychological Warfare and Traumatic Stress

• The "Grey Rock" Trap: Trying to protect my peace by using the "grey rock" method (keeping responses short and emotionless) backfires instantly. He treats it as a threat, demanding submission and trying to force me to say things like "yes, sir" or forcing me to sit and endure his rants.
• Property Extortion: If I try to set a boundary and refuse to sit down for a forced "discussion" or argument, he immediately uses material threats, like saying he will strip my personal property or take the TV out of my bedroom.
• Severe Death Guilt-Trips: He uses extreme emotional manipulation regarding his health, telling me that he "could have a heart attack in bed" and that he is "about to give up" because I won't instantly do everything he says. He's also told me that if he were to pass away now, that I would be fucked because I wouldn't have anyone to 'tell' me what to do.
• The Medication Control Trap: My independence is stripped down to my daily health routine; my dad tightly controls exactly when I take my medications. He forces strict dosing rules on me—even when my sleep schedule varies or I wake up late—and uses my ADHD management as another way to hyper-regulate my day.
• Living in Hyper-Vigilance: This environment has left my brain in a state of constant, instinctual trauma response. Just hearing his footsteps walking around the house triggers instant anxiety because I am always anticipating criticism about my room, my choices, or my life.

They both are actively draining my financial resources despite knowing damn well that I don't have a job or a source of income yet, ruining my confidence/self-esteem so I feel like I can't survive on my own, and then calling me entitled or a child when I try to build a life or do something differently.

I’m working as hard as I can to get my college schedule sorted, get a job, and secure my own independence as a young adult wanting to get into creative game design, but dealing with this hyper-vigilance every single day is exhausting. Has anyone else survived a situation like this? How do I keep my head up and protect my savings while I plan my exit?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far because everyday, I start to feel like more and more like I'm just becoming crazy.