u/Dumbwidow

As the title says, I’ve never really dated. The first person I dated proposed and we were engaged. 90’s. I broke up with him because I didn’t feel a connection. I then ended up with the person I would end up marrying for almost 30 years. I never felt I missed out on anything and he was the love of my life. He died unexpectedly over 5 years ago.
This year I decided I really wanted to find a fwb and found a man who really scratches my itch. Unexpectedly, met on Reddit and when we first started chatting, it was with zero intention of having a fwb. I really enjoy my time with him, but it’s not as frequent as I’d like. From the start I clarified I wanted just a fwb situation, not a relationship and no dating. He wanted the same. Sadly and unexpectedly, I started to really like him, but I cannot tell him. All clues point to he doesn’t feel the same way so I’m definitely not setting myself up to be shot down and he’s not willing to be exclusive.
I’ve decided to dive into the dating pool but have no idea where to start. I’m in my 50’s and fortunately inherited some decent genes so I’m not hard to look at.
My question is, what dating apps would be the best ones for me to start with? I have zero interest in ever remarrying and for now I want someone I can see on a regular basis for friendship and exclusive adult fun.

It’s been 4 days since I had to let my dog go. He was 13 and a lab mix. If there’s such a thing as a perfect dog, he was it. Never had an accident inside and never chewed as a puppy, smart, great listener, funny, loyal, and a super watch dog.
My husband brought him home when he was just 4 weeks after finding him in a box. My husband passed away 5 years ago and I feel like my dog was a link to my husband and now it’s gone. I know it silly because we do have a son. But having him is what helped me through the grief of losing my husband. Coming home to his wagging tail and big brown eyes made everything better.
I have no motivation to do anything. I haven’t eaten, left the house, worked out, showered, or talked to anyone. I’ve lost 5 other dogs over the last 10 years (old age and cancer), but this one has hit the hardest. I know it will get better with time, but going through it just really sucks.

I made a burner account for this post because I don’t want this tied to my regular account.
I’m a widow. My husband passed away very unexpectedly over 5 years ago. He was everything to me. We had a beautiful relationship, the kind most people would want, and I fully accept that I will never find a love like that again. We were together 32 years.
I’m not exactly ancient and I think I look decent for my age. Late last year I decided I needed to find a fwb. I set rules for myself: no dating, no feelings, just someone decent to scratch my itch. For context, I’ve had less than 5 partners, ever.
I met someone through Reddit, completely unexpectedly, and we clicked in some key areas. Fast forward, and we’ve met a dozen times for a specific activity.
Aside from feeling a bit guilty because I still feel married, I’ve never experienced such amazing orgasms with anyone, not even my husband. Here’s my problem: I caught stupid feelings for this guy. I’m suppressing them, ignoring them, pretending I’m just in a sex haze, keeping busy-pretty much anything I can do to get away from my feelings. I’m thinking of just ending our arrangement and staying celibate for the rest of my life. Telling him isn’t an option. I don’t even know if we’re exclusive fwb and we always use protection. I never in a million years thought I could even like someone else because I’m still in love with my husband. I may end up deleting this. I’m usually a pretty decisive person.
What do I do: end it to avoid getting hurt or keep the arrangement and stifle my feelings? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
EDIT: Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and offer advice. I believe I do need to go back to therapy. His death was traumatic and I had to be strong for his family and children and our son. I kind of put myself last. I think I will pause the FWB situation for now. I can’t go through that type of pain again.