Fear of stumbling back in anorexia/orthorexia but feel irresponsible with eating
Hi all I’m a 27F. I’ve struggled on and off with anorexia since I was 8 which tumbled into orthorexia as well when I was 17 and in college trying to avoid the “freshman 15.”
Since then I’ve had a baby (which honestly pregnancy helped my ED so much since gaining weight was expected and healthy) and since then (18 months ago) I’m back to how I looked and felt prior to pregnancy and most importantly I’m back to where I used to be exercise-wise. Freshly postpartum I could barely run a mile and now I just did a half marathon.
So all in all I’ve been feeling really good.
But then I was reading “The Anthropocene Reviewed” by John Green and he was talking about Dr. Pepper and mentioned how a scientist said sugar is terrible for you as a reason to drink diet instead.
I know sugar isn’t like, a health food, but I’ve tried very hard for years to not pay attention to labels, to eat intuitively, etc. But after reading that passage I’ve looked into it a bit more and am now terrified that I am setting myself up heart disease or diabetes. The only sugary thing I eat is ice cream — no soda, rarely coffee, etc — but now my brain wants me to cut out the one dessert I enjoy. And I don’t know how to unlearn this and if I do ignore it, I feel like I’m being irresponsible with my body.
Anyway, anyone have any thoughts especially how you’ve gotten through a mental hurdle like this?