I got dumped because I got upset about missing my cat’s birthday
I’ve never told this story before because years after we broke up I was left thinking I was the problem…I still am not really sure so I guess I am just hoping for some input
TLDR at the bottom
This was around 2 years ago. We dated for about 5 months and in the beginning he came on really strong. Asked all the right questions, said all the right things, wanted deep conversations, seemed super interested in me. Within a month he asked me to be his girlfriend and invited me to his family cottage with just him and his best friend.
I remember thinking ‘wow ok maybe I finally met someone emotionally mature’ because he talked constantly about communication and wanting me to tell him if I was unhappy or upset.
Then things started getting..tense?
Every few weeks there would be what felt like a relationship performance review.
He’d come to me with a list of tiny things him and apparently his best friend had noticed and thought I should “fix.”
Stuff like:
“I dont like when you come hug me a lot while I’m talking to them”
“I don’t like the fact that you pick the crust off of your hamburger bun and eat it”
“You’re too needy because you wanted to be around me too much at the cottage.”
For context… it was my FIRST time there and I barely knew anybody. He was literally the only person I felt comfortable around?
I also remember after the first cottage trip I was standing in the kitchen with his best friend we were talking and I casually asked “so am I the first girl he’s brought here?”
Idk. I was excited. Giddy. It felt like a completely normal question. Spoiler alert yes I was the first
Never thought about it again.
Until weeks later when apparently that was another issue too because according to his best friend who told him I asked that, that was a high schooler question so now he thought so too.
That started happening alot. Tiny random things would come back later as evidence of flaws i had and I never knew when I was being evaluated just for being myself. I couldn’t relax in the bedroom if he wanted to watch hockey, he complained if I wanted some alone time for half an hour sometimes.
I also remember him randomly telling me one day his best friend didn’t like me.
No reason.
No explanation.
Just “yeah he doesnt like you.”
And I remember sitting there like…. ok?? what am I supposed to do with that information exactly?
Then around 2 months in when I told him I was a little hurt by an insult he made, he said sorry and if I wanted to break up that’s fine and told me he was falling in love with me.
I never threatened to leave. Never hinted at leaving. Nothing.
At the time I thought it was romantic but it was probably just rejection sensitivity.
Another thing that confused me was I wanted to get emotionally closer and deeper with him over time but everytime I tried I felt like I hit a wall somehow. He seemed emotionally open in the beginning but later on it felt like I knew less and less about him while he knew more and more about me.
Then around month 4 he invited me back to his family cottage for a whole weekend to meet his parents. A WHOLE weekend with people I didn’t know PLUS his aunt, and extended family. and I explained I can get socially overwhelmed and I’d probably need support.
He told me no, I’d need to stay social, couldn’t retreat if overwhelmed and couldn’t go to him for comfort.
I remember thinking wait…. I’m meeting YOUR family for the first time and im not allowed to lean on my own boyfriend?
Then month 5 came and out of absolutely nowhere he ended things.
No attempts at fixing anything. No conversations really leading up to it. Nothing.
And his first reason was
“You were upset about missing your cats birthday”
I wasn’t upset lol. I was mildly disappointed and made one comment because I’ve had a habit of missing it prior years and wanted to get a toy.
Then told me I was emotionally manipulative for trying to be closer, asking little questions wanting some reassurance sometimes (I have anxiety disorder and am neurodivergent, he has adhd and npd)
When I asked for clarification he screamed at me down the phone in a way I had literally never experienced before.
It was the loudest I’ve never heard anyone scream I didn’t think people could yell that loud.
And he did it more than once.
I cried harder than I’ve probably cried over anyone.
I begged him to try again.
I told him I’d go to therapy.
I told him I’d change.
I remember saying I could become what he needed if he’d just give me another chance.
And the sad thing is I genuinely meant it
later on we reconnected and became friends with benefits for a few months.
Then I caught feelings again..I know.
He brought me flowers on Valentines day, offered to take me out (which weirdly never actually happened), and somehow we drifted into this weird situationship
Then eventually I asked one small emotionally vulnerable question because honestly I felt emotionally hungry at that point.
Nothing huge.
I just wanted to feel closer.
Same thing happened again. Discomfort. Distance.
Then a few weeks later he ended things again.
The weirdest part?
The first time I begged.
Second time I didn’t even try to keep him.
I just remember feeling tired.
Like somewhere along the way I spent so much time trying to become what someone else needed that I stopped asking whether my needs mattered too. But this time I realized my worth. And I want to know YOUR opinions: is he an emotionally avoidant narcissist?!
TLDR: dated a guy who came on very strong, then every few weeks gave me “feedback” on tiny flaws him and his friend thought I should fix. Got dumped out of nowhere and one of the reasons was apparently missing my cats birthday. Got back together later, same emotional pattern happened, and by the second ending I was too exhausted to even fight for it.