u/Early-Ideal-1430

I have many personal secrets that would probably shock my friends if they were to find out. but whenever I’m out with a friend I tend to say secrets people have entrusted me with or a personal secret of my own.

Usually it’s just me whispering it or just saying it under my breath when I’m walking beside them, other times it’s me straight up saying a secret in a coded way where it wouldn’t make sense for the risk and the fact they are clueless. For example I just include words related to that set ‘secret’ in my sentences when I talk to them.

Hi guys, I’m not diagnosed or anything but ever since I was a child I always knew I was different. I noticed nobody was doing the same habits as I was, and that I am the only one who has to do them. It’s hard to explain, but one exhausting habit I used to do as a child was place my hand on my chest and feel my heartbeat. One time I had a flutter and I couldn’t stop, I had to keep checking. I’ve grown up and have adapted to it so I just shrug it off as ocd, thinking it can’t be that bad. These habits come and go, usually after a few months or weeks. Although some of these habits stick around during main activities like gaming or driving. It’s getting worse as I have started driving and I can’t drive comfortably without having to check all my mirrors perfectly, and i repeatedly do it. But as I’m doing so, my brain looks for an outside source that ‘interrupts’ the process, for example a car beeping and it causes me to continue until I get it done. It scares me a little because it irritates me when I force myself not to, my brain just comes up with another habit like perfectly switching lanes between three lines, it’s crazy. I know this is probably obvious symptoms of ocd, but I’ve had it for so long undiagnosed that it’s just became everyday normal life.