u/East-Fisherman2008 — reddlx

I want to be comprehensive here, so apologies in advance for the amount of text.
My partner and I have two purebred pugs, both female from the same mother. 7F we got as a puppy, and had for four years before adopting 5F from a negligent household (her owners were relatives that were going through a unpleasant separation, so it was a stressful situation), when she was about 1.5 years old. They had met plenty of times before and gotten along, so we didn’t follow typical new dog introduction strategies.
Early on we established a simple structure. 7F goes first for everything like treats, food, hooking up for outside, etc.
They did fight a few times, but not bad. But in the past two years it’s gotten bad, almost daily. Neither is ever hurt, and blood is never drawn. 5F is usually the instigator, most often over resource guarding (sometimes human food, often toys, mostly parents, rarely treats, never dog food). She is bigger than 7F, and has a bad habit of latching onto the back of 7Fs neck and thrashing around (again, no injuries or blood drawn). Fights usually calm down on their own, but occasionally I’ll have to remove 5F by grabbing her rump and twisting gently while lifting to unlatch her, then separating them.
That being said, 7F does instigate occasionally if she thinks 5F is overstepping. But she’s also scared of 5F and sometimes won’t walk close her to get to something (5F had knee problems a while ago that have been mostly taken care of, but a few times 7F accidentally stepped on her and a fight started).
Additionally, they can’t stand being separated most of the time. 7F is inconsolable if she can’t see 5F, and 5F will scream and yap when they are closed off from each other. Sometimes they are fine apart, but it feels random.
They aren’t completely crate trained, and sleep with us in bed. They take meals on a regular schedule in their crates, and often we can leave them there for up to half an hour and they’ll be fine.
We know both of them have separation anxiety, but 5F is much worse. She lost an older sister (also pug) before we adopted her, and then one parent left abruptly, and then we adopted her. We think that gave her serious anxiety. She’s medicated for it, and it does help.
Often we will close them out of our bedroom for personal time together, and they will sit at the door and scratch and whine and bark.
When outside, 7F is fine around other dogs. She was socialized a lot when she was younger. 5F was not, and we have had a hard time getting her socialized now. When she sees other dogs she strains and barks and will often lunge at 7F. But when she actually meets other dogs close up, she usually does just fine and wants to play. When we see other dogs on walks, we give her lots of their favorite treats to try and associate other dogs with positive reinforcement. It’s seen some improvement, but not much.
They aren’t always at each other’s throats, though. They play often (though NOT with toys, just wrestling) and they love to snuggle each other. They also love going on hikes and walks together.
We’ve tried many strategies, but have seen little improvement. Rehoming is an absolute last resort. Crate training is hard because of the noise, our apartment has thin walls and irritable neighbors.
As a final note, the most common trigger seems to be my partner, who is favorite to both pugs. Especially when my partner is eating on the couch. We’ve cut down on that, or make them keep their distance while eating. If they do begin to get tense over a parent’s presence, we try to remove ourselves from the situation until they calm down.
We love them both dearly, and want to see them get along more, so we are looking for advice and strategies. I’ve included pictures just because (7F is lighter colored and thinner, 5F is darker and thicker). I hope this hasn’t been too much detail.