u/EcoFeministWitch

Ragazzi consigli su dove appostarsi stasera per vedere l'eclissi ? Non lontanissimo che sono a piedi dal centro.

Ciao ragazzi, cerco consigli per locali chill in cui andare ora che sia l' Epyc che i Bastioni sono in ferie.

Ambiente relax, senza troppe pretese. Grazie Locals

Sorry for the writing, this is my first time posting on this platform for advice, please don't judge my English.

My partner (44m) and me (35f) are together from more or less 5y a go. We met during my vacation in his region (we are from the same country but with a huge distance and big cultural differences).

When we met I just finished my art degree in a foreign country and I was working an alimentary job.

I decided after 6 months long distance to give it a try and I moved to his area 4 years ago.

I have tried so hard to adapt myself to his family's expectations I was completely depressed. I spent a long time looking for work, but they decided what kind of work I could do and what kind was not ok, my partner needs to look like someone who can pay for our life without my contribution like a "real" man.

I spent my 20's in a really poor condition, but I was independent and I worked my ass off for my studies.

I just discovered that he is constantly accepting money from his parents and his sister for keeping it up with a standing I never choose in the first place.

After my country recognised my diploma, I went back to school for a master in art education.

Best decision ever, after 3y my days became full of interesting conversations, classes, friends.

When the last semester started this January I was panicking, the idea to come back in his hometown, leaving one more time the city life for his very old school mindset town was out of question but in the same time I knew he would find arguments to stay in his reality without considering my needs.

Lucky me, I enrolled in free psychological support for working on me, I truly believed I was the only problem, thanks to the gaslighting from his community and family.

Old school patriarchal family, 3 children (the Scape goat, the lonely middle, the little perfect star), they use money and presents to exercise power over the people in their life, no interest on you or your identity, you need to fulfil your role of devoted DIL, clean for them, gather for them, be present and happy every Sunday, every birthday, every holiday. My SIL and MIL live with an eating disorder, and their love for control goes out of their body, from day one they tried to decide how I need to look and how I need to speak.

My partner is the classic middle child, even when he was in a car accident he didn't call his family, his mission always was never creating problems or altercations. He can't stand by my side, he lets me face all this manipulation and mean girls mindset, every time I complain he feels the need to protect his family.

My therapist suggested counseling for both of us, because my struggles were linked to his behaviour and our communication problem.

He didn't believe in psychology, but he gave it a try for me.

Two months in, we are facing one of our biggest logistic problem: the summer family home, where toxic behaviour and control are the daily bread.

He is used to spending all the summer with his family and I can't anymore. I asked to sit down and looking for a compromise together from October, he doesn't answer me or he can't understand why I need to be so complicated. Even if his family hurts me, I need to understand and adjust to them.

The problem came up at the end of the session so we waited a week to speak again about the summer issue, when the date came he was really emotional and strong in his position: he needs space from me, because he can't choose between me and his family (never asked, I want a compromise), he wanted me to go spend the summer with my family so he could be chill with his family in their summer locations.

It hurts bad, we have problems, I know, but I was fighting for us, he just wanted a thoughtless summer with them.

He asked for a time of reflection 2 days before my last exams (I failed it) and 5 days before my birthday. When I came home in the village looking for my summer clothes he said that he couldn't believe I was doing the luggage and acting accordingly to his words.

I decided to stay in the city where I'm finishing my studies, a few friends will join me for a trip and I can spend my time studying.

He's really angry about me not accepting anymore money from him, he can't understand why I'm stubborn and I don't let him help me.

The last seven days were an emotional roller coaster, I was speechless, angry, sad but I accepted immediately his needs and I told myself it was the perfect occasion for me-time and self care.

The problem is I can't stop thinking about all the situations, his family dynamics, his emotional past, I need a rational reason to understand why we arrived there, how a love with so much potential can die like that? I tried so hard and now I'm feeling empty and dumb, and I don't want to spend more time trying to understand someone who let me down like this.

Tomorrow we will have counseling and I want to end this therapy during the reflection period, I don't need to spend my time thinking about how to make it work when he decides to put more distance between us after a year of living apart and seeing each other on the weekend.

I started to think that maybe he wanted to leave me from a long time or even worse, this is just a manipulative attitude to put me back in the good girl role.

WIBTAH if I stop the couple therapy and really free my mind from this mess?