Still having disordered thought but can no longer restrict - anyone else?
So I was pretty into my restrictive ED from about spring of 2024 to spring of 2025. I was eating one meal a day, got down to a pretty low BMI, and was constantly weighing myself. During spring break of 2025 I kind of had a 'cheat week' and ate whatever. I gained some but ever since than i have not been able to restrict at all. I'm not binging but I'm definitely frequently overeating and am at the highest weight I've been at (right at a healthy weight) I've tried numerous times to get back into the headspace and start restricting again but I literally can't. The thoughts are still there, I have horrible food noise, guilt when I'm eating, distress over my body. Like I can constantly feel all the fat moving but I cannot being myself to restrict. I'm definitely way more insecure and not satisfied with my body than I was when I was severely restricting.
It makes me feel like a wannarexic and like I'm forcing myself to have the disorder. Has anyone had this weird period where they're physically recovered but not mentally at all? (I wasn't try to recover at all I just lost my ability to restrict).