My SIL (F28) and I(F29) started as friends, but now our relationship has become competitive & one sided.
I (F29) met my husband(M33) when I was 19. A few years into our relationship, his brother(M37) started dating a woman my age (F28) We hit it off right away. we had similar hobbies and interests, and although we mostly saw each other when our boyfriends were together, I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her.
Over time though, I began noticing behaviors that made me uncomfortable. She often spoke negatively about her friends and made fun of other people, which left me wondering what she might be saying about me behind my back. I kept things friendly, but I started to keep my distance emotionally.
A few years later, my husband and I moved out of state. Since we saw family less often, there was little opportunity for tension. When she and my brother-in-law got engaged, she FaceTimed me immediately to share the news. I was truly happy for them, though part of me wondered if there was some competitiveness behind it since my husband and I had been together longer and were not yet engaged.
As time went on, I noticed that our conversations were almost entirely centered around her. I felt like I knew everything about her, while she knew very little about me. Because of that, I chose to remain cordial but not especially close.
When my husband and I eventually got engaged, she texted me asking for all the details. I kept my responses vague because I knew she tended to share personal information with her family. The same thing happened when I became pregnant. Rather than focusing on my news, she explained why she and her husband did not want children at the time.
After we moved back home, she stopped by once to see our new house but never congratulated us on the move. Although my brother in law visited often, she made little effort to come by. Sadly, I later experienced a miscarriage. They were among the first family members to visit, which I appreciated, though the conversation felt somewhat superficial and I was left feeling like they were more curious than supportive.
Months later, we got a puppy. Since she is passionate about dogs, she was quick to tell me what she believed I was doing wrong, especially because her views on vaccinations and spaying differ from mine. During one visit, she spent most of the time on the phone with her sister while holding her own dog and became irritated when my puppy tried to play. (She wouldn’t let them play because her dog wasn’t vaxxed and she was worried about her catching something)
About a year later, I became pregnant again. My brother in law visited on his own, and we shared the news with him. He was genuinely excited. The following weekend, they both came over for Mother’s Day. Even though it was obvious he had already told her, she pretended not to know what we were talking about. When we officially shared the news, her response was simply, “Oh, nice.”
That reaction felt dismissive and hurtful. At this point, I cannot help but feel there may be jealousy or some unresolved issue on her part, although I do not understand why. Overall, our relationship has become increasingly one-sided, and I no longer feel comfortable trusting her or sharing personal details.
There’s many other situations that we’ve witnessed that have left us shocked. (Her way or the highway, becoming a huge issue at a wedding, self-centered, etc.) but these are just the ones that have stuck out to me. And I needed to vent. Can you explain why she’d be this way? Is it bc she’s my SIL? Thinks her husband gets along with me ??
TLDR: I used to be close with my SIL, but over time I’ve felt she’s become competitive, dismissive, and more interested in gossip than a genuine relationship. I’ve kept things cordial, but after several hurtful interactions around major life events (engagement, pregnancy, miscarriage, and personal choices), I no longer feel comfortable trusting or sharing much with her.