u/Ecstatic_Tear5034

Hey everyone, using a throwaway account for privacy.

​I’m reaching out because I desperately need some perspective. Honestly, the only reason I went to university in the first place was to get validation from my family—a family that has always put me second and made me feel worthless.

​Recently, I finally found the strength to cut ties and run away from them. But now I’m facing reality. Right now, it’s physically impossible for me to study. I have to work constantly just to afford rent, put food on the table, and survive on my own.

​I’m seriously considering either taking a gap year (academic leave) or dropping out entirely. I need to clear my head, support myself, and finally figure out who I actually am away from their control.

​How bad of an idea is this? Has anyone else done something similar? I feel terrified but also like it's my only choice.

Hi everyone. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this and shares some support or advice.

To understand my situation, I need to share a bit about my background. I’m 19M, currently a manager for a metalcore band and working in a McDonald's kitchen. My family rejected me twice because I wasn't their "dream child." Growing up, I was passed between my grandmothers while my parents focused on my older brother. One of my grandmothers was a "punk" at heart; she taught me that personal space and being yourself are the most important things in the world. She was my only real connection.

School was a nightmare. I was bullied for my appearance and asthma. By 7th grade, I started skipping school and ended up with a D-grade in math—not because I didn't know the material (I was actually years ahead), but because the teacher joined the bullies to fit in with the students. Eventually, my parents threatened to send me to a boarding school. I told them to go ahead, and they did. Ironically, those were the best years of my life. It was a place of "ordered anarchy" where young teachers prioritized our personalities over grades. I met my best friend there, who now lives in another country, and communicating with him at a distance made long-distance relationships feel natural to me.

Eventually, I became a music manager. During a show 340km (approx. 210 miles) from my city, I met a girl who played bass in another band. After a few meetings, I asked her out, and she said yes. At first, it felt like nothing changed, but during our tour, seeing my bandmates with their partners made me realize how much I missed her.

Everything changed for the better when she visited me for New Year’s. I realized I had just been misreading her emotions. For a while, things were amazing. I visited her every 2-3 weeks, staying with her and her parents.

Then, a crisis hit us both. Against my will, I was put on a 5/2 night shift schedule for 2.5 months. My mental health tanked. Simultaneously, my girlfriend fell into a deep depression. I tried to support her, but being "dead" from the night shifts, I wasn't as helpful as I wanted to be, which I deeply regret. On top of that, my workplace denied me time off for her birthday. I eventually quit to save my health and relationship.

On our 6-month anniversary, I visited her, but she was cold and distant. She told me she had built up a lot of resentment from the time I worked nights and she was depressed. She felt I was losing my personality. She asked for a "break" until her university entrance exams were over (about 3 months).

I left her place feeling broken. At the same time, my parents disowned me again because I decided to move out to live with a friend (they saw it as an escape because I did all the housework).

Since then, we’ve had periods of "total silence" and periods of talking. I recently had a mental breakdown and snapped at her in a message, which made things worse again. We love each other deeply, and I truly believe in this relationship. Her exams are almost over, but after everything—the family rejection, the work exhaustion, and the emotional distance—I am just so tired.

I would love to hear your thoughts or if anyone has had a similar experience. How do you survive the "exhaustion" of fighting for an LDR when the rest of your life is also falling apart?

TL;DR: 19M, metalcore manager with a history of family rejection and bullying. In an LDR with a girl who is currently on a "break" due to her depression and exam stress. I’ve recently moved out from my parents (who disowned me for it) and I’m struggling to keep the relationship alive while feeling completely burnt out.

Hi everyone. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this and shares some support or advice.

To understand my situation, I need to share a bit about my background. I’m 19M, currently a manager for a metalcore band and working in a McDonald's kitchen. My family rejected me twice because I wasn't their "dream child." Growing up, I was passed between my grandmothers while my parents focused on my older brother. One of my grandmothers was a "punk" at heart; she taught me that personal space and being yourself are the most important things in the world. She was my only real connection.

School was a nightmare. I was bullied for my appearance and asthma. By 7th grade, I started skipping school and ended up with a D-grade in math—not because I didn't know the material (I was actually years ahead), but because the teacher joined the bullies to fit in with the students. Eventually, my parents threatened to send me to a boarding school. I told them to go ahead, and they did. Ironically, those were the best years of my life. It was a place of "ordered anarchy" where young teachers prioritized our personalities over grades. I met my best friend there, who now lives in another country, and communicating with him at a distance made long-distance relationships feel natural to me.

Eventually, I became a music manager. During a show 340km (approx. 210 miles) from my city, I met a girl who played bass in another band. After a few meetings, I asked her out, and she said yes. At first, it felt like nothing changed, but during our tour, seeing my bandmates with their partners made me realize how much I missed her.

Everything changed for the better when she visited me for New Year’s. I realized I had just been misreading her emotions. For a while, things were amazing. I visited her every 2-3 weeks, staying with her and her parents.

Then, a crisis hit us both. Against my will, I was put on a 5/2 night shift schedule for 2.5 months. My mental health tanked. Simultaneously, my girlfriend fell into a deep suicidal depression involving self-harm. I tried to support her, but being "dead" from the night shifts, I wasn't as helpful as I wanted to be, which I deeply regret. On top of that, my workplace denied me time off for her birthday. I eventually quit to save my health and relationship.

On our 6-month anniversary, I visited her, but she was cold and distant. She told me she had built up a lot of resentment from the time I worked nights and she was depressed. She felt I was losing my personality. She asked for a "break" until her university entrance exams were over (about 3 months).

I left her place feeling broken. At the same time, my parents disowned me again because I decided to move out to live with a friend (they saw it as an escape because I did all the housework).

Since then, we’ve had periods of "total silence" and periods of talking. I recently had a mental breakdown and snapped at her in a message, which made things worse again. We love each other deeply, and I truly believe in this relationship. Her exams are almost over, but after everything—the family rejection, the work exhaustion, and the emotional distance—I am just so tired.

I would love to hear your thoughts or if anyone has had a similar experience. How do you survive the "exhaustion" of fighting for an LDR when the rest of your life is also falling apart?

TL;DR: 19M, metalcore manager with a history of family rejection and bullying. In an LDR with a girl who is currently on a "break" due to her depression and exam stress. I’ve recently moved out from my parents (who disowned me for it) and I’m struggling to keep the relationship alive while feeling completely burnt out.