u/Educational-Cap-3134

I (33M) have been married to my wife (32F) for 3.5 years, and I’ve damaged her trust in a way I’m struggling to fully understand.

I had a female colleague at work who helped me frequently with work-related tasks. We rarely talked about anything outside of work. There was never any flirting, romantic interest, physical contact, or emotional attachment from my side nor from her side. We never had what I would consider a friendship outside of work.

The issue is that I never told this colleague that I was married.

Looking back, I realize part of the reason was selfish. I benefited from her help at work, and I suspected that openly talking about my marriage might have changed the dynamic between us. I wasn’t trying to start an affair or pursue her romantically, but I also wasn’t being completely transparent.

Everything blew up when my wife saw that this colleague called me at 3 a.m. one night. Apparently she was dealing with anxiety and reached out. This wasn’t part of some ongoing emotional-support relationship. We had never had deep personal conversations before that.

My wife became suspicious and started asking questions. When she found out that this colleague didn’t even know I was married, she felt deeply betrayed.

From my perspective, there was no affair—physical or emotional. But I also recognize that I wasn’t honest, and my motives weren’t completely innocent because I benefited from keeping my marital status to myself.

Now whenever I try to explain that nothing romantic happened, it sounds like I’m making excuses or minimizing the situation.

If you were in my wife’s position, how would you view this? Would you consider it cheating, emotional cheating, or simply dishonesty and poor boundaries?

More importantly, if you were my wife, what would it take for you to rebuild trust after something like this?

I’m not looking for validation. I know I made mistakes and hurt my wife. I’m trying to understand the situation more clearly and figure out how to repair the damage.
I really love her and want her back.

Pata hai aaj kya hua?

Tonight, I was eating alone at a restaurant, which isn’t unusual anymore.

I accidentally spilled my Coke all over the table.

For a second, I looked up expecting someone to laugh and say, “Bhai, tu bhi na…” or help me move things out of the way.

Then I remembered.

There was no one sitting across from me.

And somehow, that hurt more than it should have.

I used to have friends. People I’d call when life was good or when everything was falling apart. Now, even when I try to reach out, it just doesn’t feel the same anymore.

I moved to Hyderabad hoping for a fresh start. But office se ghar, ghar se office… bas yahi routine reh gaya hai.

I got promoted recently too.

I stared at my phone thinking who I should tell first.

And then I realized… koi hai hi nahi.

No one to celebrate with.

No one to say, “Proud of you, yaar.”

The funny thing is, I don’t cry about it.

Main bas chup ho gaya hoon.

I go to movies alone. I eat alone. I have conversations in my head that I wish I could have with someone else.

A spilled Coke shouldn’t make a grown man this sad.

But I guess it wasn’t about the Coke.

It was about realizing that I miss having people in my life.

And I don’t know how to survive being alone. I’m so scared..

My understanding is:
The ₹42k is a one-time lump-sum payment (separate from salary) that I will be getting in June.

And,
Starting from July, my monthly salary should roughly be new base salary ÷ 12.
Is that assumption correct?