I dont know if this is the right place to ask but id love to have a convo with anyone, preferably with someone who is a chatterbox just so i can forget about my thoughts for a bit.
Ever since i watched thay dumb psychological horror film a few days ago ive been dissociating and its making me feel really scared and anxious. Like derealization. Im so terrified of being alone and im so tired of constantly being scared i wish i had someone there for me but dont got anyone to talk to
Ive tried this sub once honestly pretty boring stuff, its hard to carry convos with some people here and most of the times its weird horny men. Ive given up atp. I think everyone is a bit burnt out from talking to eachother and have the same intro repeated for the gazillionth time🤣
Anyways ill give it another go, im 20f from middle east and im having a boring night where time is taking FOREVER to pass and i cant sleep because of a headache so id love to chat with anyone interesting.
Im curious and love to know a lot about others (maybe too much like trauma-aspects.. so feel free to trauma dump😁😝), i love deep topics about life, struggles etc, i love conspiracy theories, and i love drama yes not the best thing to admit but im nosy afff🙁
Im pretty much expecting a short convo but i dont mind a long term friendship from here even tho thats highly unrealistic unless you want to prove me wrong?
Cus tell me why im sitting a 2 hour lecture with no break just for attendance? And why all of a sudden in a blink of an eye there are multiple lectures with 100 or so slides in each that are included for a midterm thats worth only 15% of my pre final?
I guess i didnt notice it when i was younger because back then i was more of an anxious thing that was too stuck in her head to notice other people around her but now that im older and in uni i feel like im just a ghost, like no one sees me, notices me or acknowledges me. I never understood why. I was told pretty often that i look arrogant, closed off, rude, or theyre nervous to talk to me because i dont look welcoming. And this bothers me, because im not doing anything, im just quiet. That shouldnt be a reason to ignore me like im nothing.. it honestly hurts sitting alone in cafeterias, clasrooms, dormitories all alone with no friend. Im not embarrassed to be seen alone but its more like wow nobody wants to approach me. And im not rude ive been told im very kind when i open my mouth, ive had strangers open up to me, people i barely befriended before tell me i make them feel calm, laugh whenever i say something funny unintentionally, I've had children like me so what is it?
For the longest time i thought it was my appearance, that maybe im not pretty or attractive enough for people to talk to me. But i couldnt find what couldve threw them off especially since i take care of myself, i workout im not overweight, my skin is good, i try to look put together with nice clothing, smell good etc. I thought they found me disgusting and that just made me avoid people more, step back unintentionally when they get too close because i was worried that they'd see notice my insecurities. Im lucky that this doesnt affect my public speaking in events, confidence, and stuff but it just fuels the idea that i seem arrogant and a stuck up. I dont know how to approach people because when i do it feels so one sided and awkward, i dont make convos awkward to be honest ive been told im really fun to talk to and have no problem with carrying convos so literally whats the problem.. and its the fact that no one really pays me any compliments for my achievements etc when i post it etc celebrate and i dont care im not asking for any but its just like a wow moment when someone who hasn't done anything and messes up frequently and doesnt take anything seriously manages to get an applaud and lots of good feedback and im just unnoticed no matter how hard working and positive i can be. When i actually get a compliment i get so shocked and remember it for a lifetime lol. Ironically this only happens when im at family events or in school. Ive accepted it at this point, its what it is and its not in my position to make people like me or notice me. At the end of the day they're the side characters in my life and I'll be the one who's living it i guess
It just feels like im the only one who's alive and intense and everyone around me is so robotic and superficial, im not good at reading body language or face expressions due to years of social isolation back when i was very depressed (+ my family is really introverted so we dont go out) so more often than not i assume that they dont care/are cold