no longer interested to involve in church
It's not like I don't believe in Jesus anymore or struggle with any doctrine, but after more than a decade of going to church, I'm just tired of people. The churches that I went to claim they're living in heaven, but based on my experience, they aren't much different than joining any other kind of community. People go there to find meaning, to socialize, or to join a group to defend a certain doctrine, but I'm just tired of that drama. Church splits, suspicious leaders' ambition, and echo chambers are the reasons why I treat churches as just the same old thing that's been happening in the past yet remains unresolved. I can't tell if which one is true when leaders in a city can't work together but claiming God tell them do this and that, or having this and that inspiration or vision from above. If God is one why different groups of people wanted to go different way? or this whole thing is a scam, people just use religion to sell you a space to relax on Sunday, just like a business offering a service?
Maybe it also has to do with getting older, where peace of mind is very important and I don't need a huge circle of companions. That's why I'm cool with going to church once a month and never wanted to get involved with just one group of people. It's like investing, I buy index fund not individual stock despite the management of a company keep pitching me the benefits.
Leaving all the drama, I found other hobby like cycling, hiking and other sport are worth my time more.