u/Effective_Grade732

My partner and I are pretty equal in everything else — good jobs, neither of us comes from a family that can financially support us. But as I approach 30, I've started rethinking kids, and I keep getting stuck.

On the physical side: Giving birth means I'd be the one taking on all the physical pain(I have chronic disc issues already) and career sacrifice. And honestly, none of that excites me. There's this traditional narrative that carrying a baby creates an irreplaceable emotional bond — but I have an incredibly deep bond with my dad, who never birthed me, and with a dog I picked up from a shelter. I'm genuinely not sure how much of that narrative is true versus just a way of guilting women into accepting the cost without question.

On wanting a kid at all: The idea of raising a child has its charm. But I keep asking myself — how much of that comes from genuinely wanting it, and how much comes from the comfort of following a social script? For a couple like us with no big family support system, it would mean enormous amounts of time and energy. And sure, maybe I'd get a few years of feeling needed and loved — but then who knows who that kid becomes? I've watched so many friends grow up resenting their parents. It just... feels like a huge risk and I dont know what's the reward.

On identity: There's also this — becoming a mom means getting pulled into yet another social box. Hanging out with your kid's kindergarten friends' moms, shuttling them to after-school dance class, slowly losing yourself until you're no one more than "someone's mom."

But then: It all seems so easy and natural for so many women. Which makes me wonder — was having kids ever a truly deliberate decision for you, or was it something you never really questioned? And has anyone here considered or gone through with surrogacy?

That’s … 26 days? 🤷‍♂️