u/Efficient_Letter5166

I am 27 years old. Woman. I have master's degree. I do sports, I dance. I work. I am cool and understanding. Have a sense of humor. Great empathy and ability to see the bad, the devil in the world.. None of this matters. It doesn't matter. Because I also have scoliosis.. my back is fused with titanium... I was on a disability...although my condition doesn't actually interfere with my everyday activities, I can even do physical activities... There isn't a day I dont see myself as a disabled, as excluded, as less than a person, as no worthy of having a husband.

I like communicating with people, they also like me. I have many friends...yet I will never be "normal" like them... I can't include myself in most conversations because they include activities only healthy people could do. I know that everyone secretly judges me because of this and when they notice the rib hump or scar...I know everyone considers this ugly and ugly people shouldn't live, according to society...

What does society wants from us? Will everyone live better if we all, the people with disabilities, suddenly are not living anymore? Why society wants to get rid of us, instead of seeing the ABILITIES we DO have?

I read on reddit and even we hate on each other...

I can proudly but sadly say I don't meet intelligent people like me and my family often. And I am sure its because we endured this health challenge for which no one has fault. I have not done anything wrong to society. In fact, the opposite. Why am I more hated just because I happened to be unlucky and have scoliosis?

I am so tired...

So I met this man. I will call him A. He asked for my contacts. He texted me, asked me out even. Then suddenly stopped. Turned out he is in a relationship. I was heartbroken I always asked him am I not enough - we were meeting each other at social dances. He told me everytime I am pretty, sexy. Then whenever I texted him - did he lie - he never answers, and even sees my messages hours and days after.

I started dating his friend B - great man, caring. But he told me he never thought of me romantically. He didn't see me as a woman, but a child. I am 28f BTW. But that after he saw how hurt I am by his friend - he felt I am grown woman with feelings and that he felt strong attraction.

Anyways, when I asked B, did his friend A thought i am ugly and thats why he didnt even chose to cheat with me(because he cheats anyways i gueess) he told me maybe yes, maybe I am not pretty for him but he is just respectful/afraid/won't ever tell me in the eyes . He also told me A is afraid of my emotionality and that I can potentially harm his relationship.

When I told B I feel ugly, that I haven't won the generic lottery - he makes sure to calm me, to tell me great things - but never ever tells me - "you are wrong, you are beautiful/pretty/attractive".

Last time I saw A, at the bathroom of a social dance club - he hugged me by the waist, booty, we were body-to-body. Then he didnt kiss me, told me he will smell like woman's perfume and said "I am sorry for the touch on the booty".

I will always know I am ugly from now on. No matter how many man have hit on me/asked me out. Maybe I shouldn't date and never find love.

Do you think we deserve to have kids? Is it morally right knowing we have scoliosis and that most certainly it will pass down the generations? I am a woman, have a severe case and had a fusion. I dont think I should have kids although I want. Maybe this condition is here to tell me I shouldn't reproduce.

I really hate scoliosis. I feel like I could be so much more of a person, of a woman, if it wasn't for this condition. I am fused, still noticeable and ugly. I had about 90 degrees as a teenager. Juvenile Idiopathic scoliosis.

I sometimes feel like it could have been avoided. My childhood wasn't happy. My parents were poor. My clothes were ugly. My mother chose clothes for me as a child, that I hated, they were boyish and I didn't feel girly.

Maybe that contributed to the mistake in the schema/development of the body. Is it possible? I also never had a mirror at home, to look at my body. I am almost sure these factors contributed, along with the lack of money , causing stress, and also the emotional trauma from my parents always arguing... I feel like even my face could develop more defined and prettier. I don't think this condition is entirely genetic, as most people assume.

I could be so beautiful, my body shape is overall pretty, if it only wasn't for this... I could be 9/10, I am now 1/10...

There isn't a minute that a dont think of this awful condition, that I didn't wish to be free, to be beautiful, to be able, able to achieve whatever I dream of... I am not. We will always be in a cage. A cage from the condition, from the fusion, from the pain, from the emotional trauma...