u/Eggmorphous

Did you always know you were aro did your allo identity ever conflict with your aro one?

Did you have to do damage control in your life when you found out you are aro and if so what?

Are any of you pursuing a romantic relationship or QPR?

what do boundaries in friendships and relationships look like?

What does dating as an aromantic look like?

What do power imbalances in close friendships look like and how have you avoided them?

Hi so for a long time I would "fall in love" with my friends. For lack of a better term when I would get significantly close to someone I wanted to fuck them. I loved my friends and that sexual pull made me feel like I was in love with them. A feeling that caused me great distress.

Now fast forward I can't hold down a romantic relationship they are restrictive confusing and uncomfortable my closeness with friends is something I felt was a moral failing on my part and I cut them all out of my life (an action I deeply regret)

Now a few survived and one has some kind of aro tendencies. He's been exploring his identity for a long time and I've always been a safe space for him and lately he's really been coming out of his shell.

I've been so happy for him but his newfound confidence has reminded me how much I miss my friends. I miss bolstering them up and watching them grow and ... And when I do that I start wanting to fuck them out of some sort of platonic closeness. I don't want things to become romantic I just want to celebrate their joys.

My friend suggested I be in open relationships but I feel like if I don't understand why I'm doing this I'll just hurt everyone in the long haul.

I do love my partner but even that feels more like a brother to the point kissing him sometimes bothers me and I wonder why when I want to kiss my friends

I think somewhere along the way I got messed up and I'm just trying to understand and fix it

Anyways maybe hearing some of your experiences will help me understand what I'm going through

So I've been in a functionally monogamous relationship for 5 years.

​

My partner entertained the idea of polyamory early on and cause I was naive I thought that would happen.

​

I am open about my feelings and revisit the conversation now and then but it's been happening less frequently and with more rigid rejection.

​

my boundaries is that as long as I know before hand I don't really care who he dates. (Of course I care how they impact me but I would try and navigate that as it came up)

​

He on the other hand doesn't want me so much as confiding to another man about my day. (I'm the kind of person who has queer platonic relationships with my friends and this is been a point of contention for him)

​

I had cheated on him in the first year of our relationship (I take full responsibility) but have since been completely faithful (if not struggling to navigate the boundaries of monogamous friendships)

​

We have been there for each other thick or thin through every relationship trial for the past 5 years as I did everything to maintain the household my career his happiness and security my loyalty and I lost MANY friends who didn't fit into my relationship.

​

Recently he's suffered a bout of severe depression. I've been trying to help him stay afloat but after four days of barely any sleep than a date night that involved getting drunk I could not keepy eyes open.

​

Now my boyfriend has permission to take videos of me and to fuck me in my sleep but he accidentally sent a video to my best friend that night. They than proceeded to flirt roleplay exchange porn (something I've done with my friend but never in a sexual manner) and he sent more videos of me.

​

I was still drunk and half lucidly participated but didn't really realize until the next day. Now I was fine with it at first just trying to help him through his gay crisis but the longer I say with the situation the more I just don't know how to take it.

​

My friend and I have always jokes about him fucking my boyfriend but neither of us ever thought it'd happen and he doesn't really know it happened behind my back.. I'm not mad at anyone but Im having a hard time processing.