u/Electrical_Archer504

So I’ve been dating this girl for about a month. We met randomly when I approached her while walking home, got her number, started hanging out a lot, and things moved pretty fast. We were basically dating after a couple of dates.

The issue is our sex life, specifically how she reacts after I finish the first round.

For context: I take foreplay seriously because I genuinely care about her enjoying herself too so i always make sure she orgasms, and also because I’m on the larger side, so I know if she’s not fully relaxed/aroused it can become uncomfortable for her instead of enjoyable.

The first time we had sex, we did a lot of foreplay first. She gave me oral, then we had sex, and I finished pretty quickly. Honestly probably around 5 minutes. I know that sounds bad, but in my experience the first round is always the shortest, especially after oral. The second round is usually much longer for me, but I need some recovery time before I’m ready again.

After I finished, I tried explaining that to her and started focusing on her instead, but she immediately seemed disappointed and frustrated. She basically assumed I was done for the night. I told her that wasn’t the case and that I just needed a little time, but she didn’t believe me. She ended up leaving shortly after.

Later we talked on FaceTime and she explained that with her ex, once he finished, that was it. So she thought all guys worked the same way and assumed I was just saying things to make her feel better.

The second time was different. We had smoked beforehand and ended up messing around in the car. This time I already knew how my body worked, so after oral I waited before penetration instead of rushing into it. I focused on her first, recovered, and then we had sex. But because of the situation (small car, both high, awkward positioning, etc.) she got overwhelmed physically and asked to stop because it was hurting. That part I completely understood.

The third time is where things got confusing again.

We were sober this time. We had sex, I finished the first round pretty quickly again, and without even making a big deal about it I smoothly switched back to focusing on her while waiting to recover.

But the second she realized I had finished, her mood completely changed again. Same frustration, same disappointment, same “you’re already done?” reaction. I reassured her again that I wasn’t actually done and just needed a little time, but she completely lost interest and wanted to stop entirely.

Now I’m confused because I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore.

From my perspective:

- I’m communicating clearly

- I’m trying to make sure she enjoys herself too

- I’m not ignoring her pleasure

- I’m literally continuing foreplay while waiting to recover

But from her perspective, it seems like the moment I finish once, she mentally checks out and feels disappointed or turned off no matter what I say afterward.

At this point I honestly feel guilty and stressed every time we have sex because I can already anticipate her reaction, which probably makes the whole situation worse.

So I guess my question is:

Am I missing something here? Is this just sexual incompatibility? Is she misunderstanding how recovery/refractory periods work, or am I handling this badly somehow?

So I’ve been dating this girl for about a month. We met randomly when I approached her while walking home, got her number, started hanging out a lot, and things moved pretty fast. We were basically dating after a couple of dates.

The issue is our sex life, specifically how she reacts after I finish the first round.

For context: I take foreplay seriously because I genuinely care about her enjoying herself too so i always make sure she orgasms, and also because I’m on the larger side, so I know if she’s not fully relaxed/aroused it can become uncomfortable for her instead of enjoyable.

The first time we had sex, we did a lot of foreplay first. She gave me oral, then we had sex, and I finished pretty quickly. Honestly probably around 5 minutes. I know that sounds bad, but in my experience the first round is always the shortest, especially after oral. The second round is usually much longer for me, but I need some recovery time before I’m ready again.

After I finished, I tried explaining that to her and started focusing on her instead, but she immediately seemed disappointed and frustrated. She basically assumed I was done for the night. I told her that wasn’t the case and that I just needed a little time, but she didn’t believe me. She ended up leaving shortly after.

Later we talked on FaceTime and she explained that with her ex, once he finished, that was it. So she thought all guys worked the same way and assumed I was just saying things to make her feel better.

The second time was different. We had smoked beforehand and ended up messing around in the car. This time I already knew how my body worked, so after oral I waited before penetration instead of rushing into it. I focused on her first, recovered, and then we had sex. But because of the situation (small car, both high, awkward positioning, etc.) she got overwhelmed physically and asked to stop because it was hurting. That part I completely understood.

The third time is where things got confusing again.

We were sober this time. We had sex, I finished the first round pretty quickly again, and without even making a big deal about it I smoothly switched back to focusing on her while waiting to recover.

But the second she realized I had finished, her mood completely changed again. Same frustration, same disappointment, same “you’re already done?” reaction. I reassured her again that I wasn’t actually done and just needed a little time, but she completely lost interest and wanted to stop entirely.

Now I’m confused because I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore.

From my perspective:

- I’m communicating clearly

- I’m trying to make sure she enjoys herself too

- I’m not ignoring her pleasure

- I’m literally continuing foreplay while waiting to recover

But from her perspective, it seems like the moment I finish once, she mentally checks out and feels disappointed or turned off no matter what I say afterward.

At this point I honestly feel guilty and stressed every time we have sex because I can already anticipate her reaction, which probably makes the whole situation worse.

So I guess my question is:

Am I missing something here? Is this just sexual incompatibility? Is she misunderstanding how recovery/refractory periods work, or am I handling this badly somehow?

I recently realized a lot of women actually think men are generally dumber than women. Like the average woman has stronger cognitive abilities than the average man. Which is so fucking funny to me because it's straight classic Dunning Kruger effect.

I've always heard women say shit like "men are dumb" and I never really thought much of it, just figured it was talk.

But a few days ago on a date this lady kept emphasizing how she can't find a man she wants to settle with because men are just too dumb. When I asked why, she hit me with "men aren't emotionally intelligent." Right then I knew what type of girl I was dealing with, social media rotted type. I tried digging deeper and she lost all substance, just circled back to the same belief with zero real examples or data. It was as easy to believe as "the sun is very far from earth" and she never even questioned it. Straight sheep.

As if that wasn't enough, I caught my secretary saying the exact same thing and she couldn't explain it either.

Really made me think about all the times I've heard women say "men are dumb." Didn't know they actually believed that shit deep down.

Stats so it's not just venting: Average IQ between men and women is basically the same. Men got wider spread though, more geniuses at the top and more straight idiots at the bottom. Women cluster tighter around the middle. That's why the dumb guy examples hit so easy.

Women do score higher on emotional intelligence stuff like reading feelings and empathy. But they also think with their emotions more their brains wire logic and feelings tighter so emotions bleed into decisions harder. Explains why her argument just looped on vibes with no facts.

It's comforting copium. "Men dumb" lets them skip looking at their own standards or whatever. Social media feeds the worst examples on repeat. Men do our own generalizations too, but this one feels extra widespread right now.

Have you guys noticed this same shit? Do the women in your life actually believe it or is it just banter? Any dates or convos where it came up?