I haven't had such a hard cry at a character >!dying in a while.!<
I think because >!her execution was so sudden!< and there was no chance for her to process or speak with anyone. And the hopeful dream she had just before she woke up, it just punctuated everything.
It was definitely a shocking moment.
I feel like I'm at the end of my 21 year relationship (married for 15) with my husband.
He had a textbook narcissistic mother who did everything she could to sabotage our relationship in the beginning. At first he battled her, which was emotionally taxing on me because he took her bait every time, almost like he loved the fight. Eventually, she turned all of his family against him, so it became like an 'us against the world' kind of feeling with them. Once our daughter was born in 2014 he finally cut her completely off, they never spoke again, she died a couple years ago.
The longer I'm with him, the more I see his mother's behaviors. The confusing part for me is that he has been in therapy for two years now, has gotten on medication for his ADHD, but we're not doing better as a couple. Is this something that has become ingrained in him and I'm in over my head expecting things can be different? He seems so willing to better himself and not be like her, but in the moment he almost always defaults to negative/passive aggressive behaviors.
In moments when I recognize it, I will tell him, but he takes it as an insult and a personal attack rather than a behavior he should stop. We have talks after, he says he wants the accountability, that he doesn't want to be like her, attempts to repair, but a week later it's another problem. Things have really been breaking down the past couple of years, with the past few months being a tipping point for me.
One day we had a conversation in the car, which led to a huge fight at home. He accused me of gaslighting and manipulating him when I said something wasn't said in the car. I was in complete disbelief he would say something like that to me. I was able to go replay my dashcam video and show him proof, but he wouldn't even watch it. He flat out refused, but eventually apologized for calling me a gaslighter. Is that his trauma from his mom, or is that him acting like his mom? I'm getting so lost.
I'm 40f with a 43m spouse, been together 21 years, married for 15 of them, one kid. This weekend was it for me, I'm ready to be done with this marriage. We're already in separate bedrooms, but what's the day to day like? Do you still cook dinner for each other? Leave notes or texts instead of talking face to face? Does it become like a roommate you try to avoid?
Our romantic relationship has dissolved so much, it already feels like we're living like roommates who do each other favors occasionally. I don't know what is actually changing other than a hug when we see each other after work, and I guess no more pretending that things can be changed.
Is a schedule good? Like I can have the living room space every other weekend, laundry days, etc. I'm just interested in what practical logistics have worked for others.
Last week me, my husband and our child were eating outside at fast food joint. A man in a wheel chair came up and started asking a group of guys at another table for money or food and mumbled some some other things I couldn't make out. Then the man came over to our table and started asking us the same things. My husband didn't really acknowledge him, so I said, "I'm sorry, we don't ever carry cash."
The man turned to me and told me he's not talking to me, that he's only talking to the man at the table because men are the only ones who deserve respect. He kept rambling on and on with other nonsense similar to that, just yelling at me. Getting angrier and angrier.
No reaction from husband at all. I ended up saying something like, "Whatever you say. That's fine, dude," just to get the guy to go away. The man had gone several feet away but then turned around to yell at me some more from across the dining patio. Acted like he was going to come back towards me.
Still nothing from my husband. We left almost immediately after that, I didn't feel safe with how that man reacted with so much anger to such a simple statement. In the car my husband tried to say that he didn't know what was happening or what the guy was saying. I told him I was upset that he allowed someone to go off on me like that, he didn't need to hear the words to understand the tone, and that I felt abandoned by him in a situation that felt unsafe. He never apologized, never said he wished he would've reacted differently, etc.
We were arguing later about it and my husband told me that he already apologized in the car for not making me feel safe, that he was sorry for not protecting me. The argument then turned into me saying, "No, you never once apologized for doing any of that." He then started yelling at me, calling me a gaslighter, that I don't get to tell him what he said because he knows what he said.
Left the argument, about 30 mins later I realized, 'Oh hey, I have a dashcam. Go listen to that conversation.' Watched the recording of the car ride, and sure enough, never once did he apologize for not doing something. I went to show my husband the footage and he wouldn't even listen to it.
There's been so many arguments like this, where he will die on the hill that he has already apologized and taken accountability when I tell him he hasn't. He's in therapy for a couple of years now, and accountability seems to be a big thing, but he only ever talks about it, rarely does it happen right out of the gate. Calling me a gaslighter feels like a new level. Is this actual manipulation at this point?? What do I need to be telling him?
Tl;dr: I feel like my husband didn't defend me or make me feel safer in a situation where I was being yelled at by a stranger. He told me he apologized for letting me down, and called me a gaslighter when I said he hadn't. I had video proof that showed he never apologized. Is he attempting to manipulate me by calling me a gaslighter?