u/ElvenLogicx

My (36/F) brother (38/M) stole over $700 from my mom’s (73/F) bank account by using her card to buy doordash over a 3 month period. It’s made worse because my mom was in the hospital at the time and nearly died because of her hyponatremia issues. A lot of that time he wasn’t even with her and was using the card when he was back in his home. He claims he didn’t know this was happening and gave her $100 and says he’ll pay her back. Then he had the audacity to ask her for more money a week later. She has enabled him over the years, she sometimes cuts him off but then it happens again. My mom has been on low income after my dad (75/M) abandoned us when I was 4, she raised 3 small children and worked menial jobs to get by. She has various health issues, she has nearly died several times. I explained to my mom that this is actually a crime on more than one level. She has asked me not to tell my brother about our conversation, I’ve respected that and will keep it to myself but I am so angry. This is a continuous pattern with him, not the first time he has stolen from her or others. He has been stealing and lying since he was a young boy. I have cut him out of my life before because of things like this and he refuses to change and just gets worse but this is the most despicable thing he has done.

I am at my wits end with him, he abandoned his two small kids years ago, doesn’t pay his taxes or bills, can’t hold down a job. But he always has money for his hobbies and weed. He owes my mom thousands beyond the doordash amount, she will often say it’s partially because he has ADHD but while I realize that’s a factor, this is a pattern of behaviour that others with ADHD wouldn’t dream of doing to their dying mom laid up in the hospital. The only reason he looks after her in the hospital now was because I freaked out on him when he would abandon her to see his girlfriend while my mom is hooked up to breathing tubes. I legit cannot believe I’m related to this person. He waxes poetic about the importance of family and treats us all like garbage.

When my mom does pass away I want to cut him out of my life. The thing is I feel guilty and scared because he has been suicidal before because of previous alcoholism (he’s 3 years sober) and I feel he might go through with it if I do cut him off. Our other brother (41/M) doesn’t speak to him anymore, mostly due to his own struggles with mental illness, so he wouldn’t have anyone except maybe my dad who isn’t really in our lives anyway. Has anyone dealt with this before? I feel so conflicted and angry but I’m not sure I can deal with him anymore after this.

TLDR: My older brother stole hundreds from my dying mom and I want to cut him off but feel held hostage by his emotional instability.

My (36/F) brother (38/M) stole over $700 from my mom’s (73/F) bank account by using her card to buy doordash over a 3 month period. It’s made worse because my mom was in the hospital at the time and nearly died because of her hyponatremia issues. A lot of that time he wasn’t even with her and was using the card when he was back in his home. He claims he didn’t know this was happening and gave her $100 and says he’ll pay her back. Then he had the audacity to ask her for more money a week later. She has enabled him over the years, she sometimes cuts him off but then it happens again. My mom has been on low income after my dad (75/M) abandoned us when I was 4, she raised 3 small children and worked menial jobs to get by. She has various health issues, she has nearly died several times. I explained to my mom that this is actually a crime on more than one level. She has asked me not to tell my brother about our conversation, I’ve respected that and will keep it to myself but I am so angry. This is a continuous pattern with him, not the first time he has stolen from her or others. He has been stealing and lying since he was a young boy. I have cut him out of my life before because of things like this and he refuses to change and just gets worse but this is the most despicable thing he has done.

I am at my wits end with him, he abandoned his two small kids years ago, doesn’t pay his taxes or bills, can’t hold down a job. But he always has money for his hobbies and weed. He owes my mom thousands beyond the doordash amount, she will often say it’s partially because he has ADHD but while I realize that’s a factor, this is a pattern of behaviour that others with ADHD wouldn’t dream of doing to their dying mom laid up in the hospital. The only reason he looks after her in the hospital now was because I freaked out on him when he would abandon her to see his girlfriend while my mom is hooked up to breathing tubes. I legit cannot believe I’m related to this person. He waxes poetic about the importance of family and treats us all like garbage.

When my mom does pass away I want to cut him out of my life. The thing is I feel guilty and scared because he has been suicidal before because of previous alcoholism (he’s 3 years sober) and I feel he might go through with it if I do cut him off. Our other brother (41/M) doesn’t speak to him anymore, mostly due to his own struggles with mental illness, so he wouldn’t have anyone except maybe my dad who isn’t really in our lives anyway. Has anyone dealt with this before? I feel so conflicted and angry but I’m not sure I can deal with him anymore after this.

TLDR: My older brother stole hundreds from my dying mom and I want to cut him off but feel held hostage by his emotional instability.