(26F) Philippines, in a 2-year relationship with (26M), struggling with insecurity after a conversation involving his ex’s birthday
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 2 years. We both came from long-term relationships — his lasted almost 7 years, mine lasted 5.
Recently, we were having a random conversation about my pregnant friend, and I mentioned she’s due around September. He responded with, “Ka-birthday mo pala.”
That confused me because my birthday isn’t in September. So I asked him whose birthday he was referring to and eventually asked if his ex’s birthday was in September. At first he didn’t answer directly, then eventually said “September.”
What really bothered me was that my birthday and his are only days apart, so hearing him suddenly mention September made me feel like maybe he associated that month more with his ex than with me.
When I confronted him, he said he misspoke and that he actually meant our anniversary, which is also in September. That explanation does make sense, but I’m still struggling to stop thinking about the possibility that his ex came to mind first.
Right now I’ve been distant because I don’t know how to process my feelings properly. I don’t want to create unnecessary conflict if this was genuinely just a mistake, but I also don’t want to ignore something that hurt me.
For people who’ve been in relationships where both partners had serious long-term exes, how do you deal with moments that trigger insecurity or comparison? And how can I bring this up again in a calmer, healthier way without sounding accusatory?