u/Emergency-Cream2110

i never use reddit and i feel like a karen or something but this made me sickkkkk

so i’ve had my cat for almost 2 years and the whole time we’ve had her on the sheba perfect portions, i’ve wanted to switch her to a different cat food for some time, but because she enjoys it and hasn’t ever gotten sick before i haven’t made it a priority(and it also isn’t my money, my mom pays for it, so i can’t ask for expensive food because it’s just not doable for her)

my mom ordered some for pickup from our tractor supply and when she went to get it it stunk like dead meat according to her. she had to scrub our car because it stunk it up so bad. she took it back in and told them it smelled terrible and asked for a different package. i checked them all when i brought them home (no i didn’t open any of them, and none were opened i would’ve noticed), made sure they were in date, so i really didn’t think it was a big deal.

a couple days later my room STINKS. and i don’t suspect the cat food because i’ve never had issues before so im cleaning my room for days trying to find the smell. i should’ve suspected it so thats my fault

anyway i go to feed her today and these little beads of whatever the hell fall into my hand and i turn to look at the package and it was DISGUSTING. i took it to show my mom and it completely stunk up the kitchen. i threw the rest i had away even if they appeared fine.

i know it’s mostly my fault for not being more cautious and asking to return the food and buy it at a different store but i rlly didn’t think much of it. i’m unsure if it’s both a store AND company issue or if it’s just the store. either way thought id ask for opinions and maybe some affordable wet food options since id really like to switch now. sorry for the long post!!!!

hi i dont use this much other than to read stories but im going through a hard time and everyone else in my life either isnt able to handle me venting to them or i dont want to talk to them for whatever reason

i dont expect anyone to talk or help me i just want to write something, im just gonna like talk about major events in my life that i feel like got me to where i am right now so im really sorry if its a long post. ultimately ill be okay i just need to talk. the title isnt clickbait on purpose i just dont know what else to call it, pls dont read if u dont feel like reading something long.

i went through a very close family member committing suicide when i was very young (prepubescent). i didn’t know it at the time but it was a very sudden and very bad death but i truly think that i’ve grieved and moved on from that because i don’t think about it and it’s been years. i understand that it affected me but i don’t think it still does.

since then,i’ve struggled with depression, but i wouldn’t say severely. like i don’t think it’s that big of a deal so i don’t understand why i react the way i do and why im incapable of helping myself

my dad has been sick ever since i turned 13 (literally, happened on my birthday). he lost most of his foot and then a couple years later he lost his leg suddenly. he’s better now, and hopefully no more health scares.

i had a rough time adjusting to teenage hood and instead of being extremely rebellious i was just very disconnected from everybody. i didn’t do well in school and i had to be transferred to a private school in an attempt to get me to do ANYTHING, but it didn’t work. i had a hard time socializing (i was very weird, tbh, but who wasn’t at some point). obviously this set me back multiple grades because i just refused to do anything.

eventually i was homeschooled after my dads incident, for multiple reasons, but the main two were my private school got sick of me not doing school work and gave up my seat, and my parents thought it would be easier on everybody.

i regret pushing for homeschool because now i sit alone all day. im bored constantly and i have friends, but because of their own circumstances we can only call and text. its very hard to plan a hang out so we just don’t anymore. i see them irl maybe once or twice a year, but i do talk to them everyday.

i cannot motivate myself to do school work. i understand this is my fault and i blame myself a lot for it but the more i sit and blame myself for it the harder i find it to get up and do anything. i try to discipline myself but it doesn’t work and i end up feeling like an idiot and a failure and just go back to bed anyway. i always end up back in bed.

i want more than anything to be successful in my future. i want to be a therapist and help kids like myself. but i have this terrible feeling that even if i try, ill fail and i should just give up now anyways. logically, i know thats wrong. but it doesn’t make me get out of bed. no matter how much i want a good life, i can’t get up and make it happen. it makes me feel like a failure.

shortly after my dad lost his leg, i met a really amazing boy and we’ve been dating for nearly 2 years. i’m happiest with him and i want nothing more than to have a future with him (this is what made me think more about my future and what makes me want to be successful so bad). i’m not going to go on much about this but truly he is the main reason im still here. he is the only reason i won’t hurt myself(i don’t tell him that, i wouldn’t ever put that on him). the only times i get out of the house other than grocery shopping is for him and he got me interested in my appearance, my style, music, etc. basically he gave me motivation to better myself outwardly and mentally.

the past few months have been very bad with sudden hospital visits, a death in the family, etc.

i won’t go much into detail on this for his privacy but like a week ago he had a bad accident. we had just spent the week together, and the day he went home he was rushed to the hospital extremely suddenly. he is okay, and came home a few days ago. the accident itself plummeted me into a depression. it was genuinely hell and i can’t make others understand it without going into detail but i thought id lose him. even after he woke up, i couldn’t crawl out of the hole i was in. i told him a little bit of this because hes the main person i confide in. we are extremely bonded (as corny as that sounds) and both heavily rely on each other. i know some people would say that its a bad idea and thats probably why im so depressed now, but i truly didnt mean to get so close with him and i can’t take it back now, even though i dont regret it one bit. i regret nothing about him.

the downside is that while he is recovering, both mentally and physically, i know i have to be careful about what i put on him. he can’t handle my burdens right now and i understand that, i didn’t even mean to put that happened today on him.

my parents have picked up on my depression the last few days. my mom has asked me a few times if im depressed but i really haven’t felt like having a long conversation about it. 1st of all because i feel very awkward when i talk about it, especially with them, but also because i had asked for a therapist a while ago and i didn’t get one even though they said they were working on it. i wasn’t mad at the time because i understood our situation was bad. then a couple months ago she said she reached out to a therapist, but nothing came of it. i also wasn’t mad about it, but both times made me lose faith in them ever doing anything. again i really wasn’t mad at the time, maybe a bit of resentment, but i also halfway didn’t even want a therapist for a while. i truly do not understand half of the shit i think or do.

anyway. today i hadn’t been out of bed and in the afternoon my dad came into my room after id been in a terrible mood all day. it’s kind of hard to explain the next part

he just had a bad attitude and tone and i was trying to sleep so it really pissed me off. he didn’t seem genuinely concerned more so annoyed and like i was misbehaving by staying in bed (even though they didn’t tell me to do anything, i had no responsibilities other than schoolwork and they haven’t said anything about it for weeks and honestly just leave me alone and hope i do it). essentially, this is how i would imagine the conversation would’ve gone had i not blew up:
“this staying in your room and sleeping all the time is unacceptable. come into the living room and participate (even though we never do anything together) and stop being like this”

i got really upset and just lost it. i don’t remember what i said i just started screaming and eventually just started screaming “get out im really upset just get out get out” and he didn’t leave until i had shut up. he went to the kitchen and i guess thought i couldn’t hear him because he started saying things like “she’s not gonna fucking talk to me that way” and “she needs to fucking go somewhere”

i heard it and it just pissed me off so much more so i went and started screaming again “where do i need to go then say it to my face” and acting like a crazy idiot. i don’t remember what they said after because i was so mad but i ended up screaming something like “don’t ask me stupid questions if you aren’t gonna do anything about it anyways” (referring to them not putting me through therapy sooner).

i went back to my room and listened to music, doomscrolled and cried all in like an hour and was just insanely upset overall. i texted my boyfriend without thinking about how he doesn’t need my shit. he was there for me and talked a little but i ended up apologizing for putting it on him because i know he doesn’t need the stress. he was really sweet but basically told me to try to chill out until he can get a little better. i just feel like a terrible girlfriend for stressing him out more when he doesn’t need it and i knew that.

i would talk to my other friends but either i don’t feel like explaining it to them because i know the argument was my fault for blowing up not even 2 minutes into them talking to me and im ashamed, or they are also going through bad mental health issues and can’t handle my shit either. they were also the main ones there for me while he was in the hospital, so i don’t want to put more on them after i had spent the whole week crying to them. i’m not alone, i have options, but it does feel like it. i don’t want to burden anybody.

my mom came in shortly after the argument and even though i told her i didn’t want to talk she came in anyway, basically she reached out to a therapist and started asking me why i said what i said and why i’ve been depressed. i can’t awnser because i don’t know. i have a good life other than being home all day. yes the past week was very stressful but my boyfriend is back home and getting help, so i don’t understand why i can’t make myself care about literally anything else.

he was supposed to come over for a while after his hospital stay (he planned this while he was there) but it fell through because he’s going to be starting some new meds and needs to stay close to the people who can monitor him while they’re figuring out his dosage. im not mad at anybody because that’s very understandable but that was the only thing i had to look forward to and it’s been indefinitely moved. i can’t go to his house because his parents think ill judge them (they live on a nice property so i rlly dont get this????). it just made it even worse and made me less motivated to do anything so i’ve been very upset since last night. my parents just picked a bad time and a very bad approach. i really don’t feel bad for my dad because of the way he came at me, but i do feel bad for my mom because i refused to communicate with her and made her feel bad about the way she’s dealt with me. she is a good mom, with everything she’s had to deal with.

im sorry telling my whole life story. i understand its obscene how long this is i just needed to write and not feel like i was going to hurt somebody. my problems feel so small and i know im dramatic. i don’t know why i can’t stop being this way because i have a good life and good parents and a good boyfriend. i’m sorry to people who are actually going through things. i hope things get better for everybody.

idk what flair to use i barely use reddit so im sorry, i also just kind of want to vent? but also get advice? idk again i never use reddit so this is kind of a low for me but im struggling

im homeschooled and at this point there’s no purpose in me going back to school - i’ve been before but switched due to family issues. it’s nobodies fault, and this was the best solution for me.

but since then i’ve become very lonely. online friends are fine, but i want actual experiences. i very rarely go out, because i have a disabled dad and my mom is working. things are especially bad bc my grandpa is in the hospital so we are broke and no time to go anywhere.

i have a boyfriend so we do things together sometimes but maybe once a month, twice if we’re lucky. everything else is mundane, just trips to walmart and whatever.

i have hobbies. i like to read, listen to music, birdwatch, play games, care for my cat, dress up, and i DO like learning. i just get so demotivated (separate problem). but all of that doesn’t help very much because at the end of the day the average human interaction i get that ISNT over the phone is extremely minimal. i just need new ways to cope or deal with it, until i get a job.