u/Emmm-Hello

Hi, just wanna throw my thoughts into space.

Ive been depressed for last 4 years, time when ive become young adult and independent.

Yesterday Ive been hospitalised coz i got appendix issues and i was genuinely happy to get out of my house, cause my daily routine was survival and playing games just to skip days of my hopeless life.

So today my relative came to hospital. I thought all my relatives hated me, coz they hurted me and I cut them off and ignored. But he seem to care? He offered me to reunion and it smelled genuine, like he did it because he wanted.

Im still not sure wtf is happening, mb it's some plan to gain my trust, while im at my most vulnerable, but he offered me separate living and gave me money.

Maybe it's my chance to get good future, I think it might work on my conditions. It feels weird to be supported, after long time isolation, after distrusting everyone, but being desperate for connection.

I know it's sound like and abuse story, i know, but I have good feeling about that one.

I guess change is good, whatever it's a bright future or learning experience.

Me when i talked to people: :)

20m

Hi, i just feel hopeless, i tried to change, tried to find ppl to take care of me like friends and lovers, but i just feel pathetic and humiliated when i open myself to someone just to get attached and betrayed.

Now i live with an abusive relative and i wish one of us just died, as i tired of her breaking in my room and i wish i wasn't living here or she.

Only i have nostalgia of the past before my relatives didn't lose my trust, when i were little, traveling to Europe and being cared of.

I just wish for life to be more entertaining than stealing food from kitchen and hiding under blanket nostalging about past. Im not even sure lm able to job, mb job is a myth just to troll me before I die as i own big distrust to all humans out of jealousy i guess.

I now all it takes to change life is go to a few interviews maybe. But im troubled to believe in that anything can change, it's easier to think that world is cruel and you're an exception meant to suffer (learn helplessness)

Okay, so dear reader, may you give some advice how do i make my first steps, how do i force myself out of this hole?

(no am not american, no i don't have friends)