u/Emotional-Sea1848

My daughter is 17y and has struggled to make friends her whole life. She’s always had one or two friends but never a group to hang out with. The two girls she’s currently friends with aren’t friends with each other, so she has two separate friends to hang out with. She has a sport, so sees peers regularly but those are just acquaintances, they don’t do anything outside of practice.

Over the summer she kept herself busy with a part-time job, and about once a week she’d see each friend separately but otherwise spent most days at home. She recently shared with me she wished she had a group of friends. I don’t know what advice to give other than tell her to put herself out there and ask people if they want to get together. She always has a reason she doesn’t want to ask a group to do something.

She’s been really burned in the past by mean girl behavior so I suspect she’s afraid this will happen again. It breaks my heart she’d rather be alone than organize an outing out of fear people will say no.

She’s going to go off to college next year, and I’m so worried she’s going to struggle. She doesn’t have the best judgment in people and I worry she’s going to be taken advantage of or really lonely.

What do I do? Continue to talk to her about this? I’ve considered counseling in the hopes a counselor would help her realize she has nothing to lose by putting herself out there.

My daughter is 17y and has struggled to make friends her whole life. She’s always had one or two friends but never a group to hang out with. The two girls she’s currently friends with aren’t friends with each other, so she has two separate friends to hang out with. She has a sport, so sees peers regularly but those are just acquaintances, they don’t do anything outside of practice.

Over the summer she kept herself busy with a part-time job, and about once a week she’d see each friend separately but otherwise spent most days at home. She recently shared with me she wished she had a group of friends. I don’t know what advice to give other than tell her to put herself out there and ask people if they want to get together. She always has a reason she doesn’t want to ask a group to do something.

She’s been really burned in the past by mean girl behavior so I suspect she’s afraid this will happen again. It breaks my heart she’d rather be alone than organize an outing out of fear people will say no.

She’s going to go off to college next year, and I’m so worried she’s going to struggle. She doesn’t have the best judgment in people and I worry she’s going to be taken advantage of or really lonely.

What do I do? Continue to talk to her about this? I’ve considered counseling in the hopes a counselor would help her realize she has nothing to lose by putting herself out there.

This post is more about the social side of swimming than technique or time. My daughter swam on the high school swim team as a freshman this school year, something she had been looking forward to for a few years. She didn’t have the best experience. She’s a solid swimmer with some county cuts but not as fast as some of the other girls really dedicated to the sport. The coach was really focused on the fastest girls, which is to be expected, that’s not what bothered her. But this group of fast girls is really cliquey and mean to other girls. My daughter hears them talk negatively about slower swimmers and doesn’t want to engage with them, and is certain as soon as she walks away they’re mocking her. My daughter was often by herself at meets and not many people cheered for her while she raced. It was so sad to watch. I’ve talked with her that she has to be a good teammate to everyone and make sure she also cheering for others, and not get so focused on one group. My question is does this get better? It’s going to be the same kids next school year. I know she needs to learn to stay away from that group of girls and socialize with others, but it’s a hard lesson when the coach is constantly praising these girls and is clueless to their behavior toward others. I’ve heard great things about the social benefits of swimming but she certainly hasn’t experienced it.