u/Emperor_Kuru

It's not fair that there's so many male gaze gacha or visual novel games that let the male MC build a harem or romance multiple girls at once, but there's like...none for otome games.

I've seen many fan-made content of that kind of stuff, so clearly there's a lot of fans who would love that option where you can choose to build a harem or just romance one guy at a time. So before anyone says "but I don't want that" then you can choose not to, that's the point I'm making for there to be a CHOICE to let you end up with multiple guys at a time if you want.

I found out there's actually ONE but it's in Korean only, it's the otome game for Lady & Maid.

There's already multiple polyandrous josei manga I've come across, but not a single game. This is honestly what made me lose as much interest in otome games and would rather just read manga or read Western 'why choose' romance books.

For ages, men are allowed to look like sewage rats, yet beauty standards for women are impossibly high. You’ve seen it countless times in the media of the average/ugly husband and hot wife. Women are shamed for caring about looks.

I understand that for some women, attraction can grow from a guy they didn’t feel as attracted to before. But for me, it just doesn’t work that way. I met a woman who thought I was a bad and shallow person just bc I felt this way. Why do I have to see any good person I have chemistry with as a potential partner when I can just be friends with them.

I’m also not demisexual, so for me, sexual/physical attraction is usually immediate. Unfortunately, it doesn’t grow no matter how good a guy’s personality is. If I found him unattractive from the start, that won’t change. Trust me, I’ve tried it multiple times.

However, I don’t treat men I find unattractive like monsters (like how men demonize or treat women they find ugly invisible). I judge men based on who they are on the inside.

But when it comes to dating, I need BOTH looks and personality. I can’t have one without the other. If I had to choose between a man who looked like a model but was a bad person, or a guy who has an amazing personality but unattractive to me, I would pick NEITHER of them. But I would respect the latter.

I see this narrative everywhere, even in feminist spaces online. I understand that every human is different, for some people, personality can spark physical attraction. But for me, that just isn’t possible. If a man isn’t generally pretty/good looking to me, I can’t find him physically attractive no matter how good our chemistry or his personality is.

I’ve tried it twice. I met a guy that was super sweet and everything, but no matter how much he made me laugh, I just wasn’t attracted at all.

What I don’t get is, why am I being seen as a bad person for not finding someone physically attractive? Why can’t I just be FRIENDS with people?

I got called shallow by another woman just bc my physical/sexual attraction couldn’t grow solely from a guy’s personality when I didn’t find him physically attractive. I prefer my sexual attraction for someone to be immediate.

My “preferences” also vary, I like skinny men, tall or short men, fit men, etc. Plus, attraction is subjective, what I find attractive may not be the same for someone else. I still see men as humans, unlike how many men don’t see women as people.

TLDR: I need both looks and personality/compatibility to date and romantically love a man, I can’t have one without the other. You’re not shallow for caring about looks, you’re only shallow if that’s the ONLY thing you care about. If I had to choose between a guy who looks like a model but has a bad personality, or a guy I find unattractive but has a great personality, I’d pick NEITHER of them, but would love to be friends with the latter.