u/Empty-Half167

I’m fine mentally now, don’t worry.

Context on my attempt at suicide: I was having a panic attack at night, which I have had quite a few times before and have contemplated suicide, but never even left my bed bc executive dysfunction prevented me from doing so. Except the night of my attempt, I had stood up and action inertia or whatever it’s called took over and I ended up taking quite a few NyQuil gelcaps. I remember it being a good amount, like two and a half palmfuls, but apparently there were still a good amount of pills left in the bottle so idk. I texted a suicide note to my family in the group chat with the send later function, tried out a new game, then went to bed for what I assumed would be the last time. My sister, fortunately, was awake when the text was sent and woke up my parents. Parents called 911, I threw up a lot, I felt cold and was shaking a lot, my stomach felt awful, it’s all a blur. No permanent damage from it, so that’s good. I don’t consider suicide anymore, even when I get panic attacks, cuz one attempt felt awful enough. Don’t do suicide, it sucks ass.

Onto the thing that happened today: Topic was drugs (mom brought up someone at a salon said he made drugs for kids for a living, which he clarified as vitamins. Funny story, that’s why she brought it up.) Humor doesn’t need to be all that good when you’re just casually conversing at dinner, so my brother said “we all love drugs”. I responded with “nuhuh” and my sister made the joke of “you loved drugs enough to overdose.”

I’m not overly traumatized by the incident, I REALLY don’t like talking about it though. None of my family had brought it up for a year (except for my older brother, who had made a suicide joke a month after my attempt, which I said I didn’t feel comfortable about since I had just attempted suicide and he accepted that), so I thought no one remembered except my sister. I know that she would probably remember cuz I sent a long text a few months back (I forgot why) and she panicked when she got it.

Idk, didn’t feel like eating after. I’ve been having issues about eating lately, too, so that doesn’t make the issue any better. I don’t feel any ill will against her, I haven’t mentioned it in a year so she probably thought it was all good. And we’re all neurodivergent, so that probably doesn’t help.

Haven’t really talked about the attempt to anyone or posted about it anywhere, just sorted through it internally. Don’t do that either guys, talk to people about it. It’s healthier and will help you sort through it better.

“Ah fresh meat,” said the mastery Pursuer, pursueringly.

It was a rickroll and I got stabbed 548 times after I tried to close it :(

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It’s so stupid it loops around to being funny.

I want to experiment with brushes and techniques in my digital app, so stylized stuff is wonderful!

CLOSED
I will try to get around to everyone, but only a handful have me inspiration for something stylized that’s different from my default style