Found a text message - need advice.
My ex M22 and I F22 are currently broken up since March and had dated since April 2025 because I had found out I was moving. This was my decision but we agreed to be exclusive and have been basically dating since then.
Anyways, I was on his laptop doing work when i snooped (ik this is bad and it’s the first time) and found a text message from September. He had gone to a college bar and drank which I knew. She texted him tickets for a concert that us and our friends were going to. He thanked her and then said “I was going to see if you wanted to hangout”. This was after he had gone home from the bar and was at 3am. She said no and he blocked her number and deleted the convo off his phone.
When I confronted him he denied knowing what the texts were which I could tell was BS. So I text the number. She seemed a bit iffy on what happened because it was so long ago but said she was selling him tickets but all in all the text to hangout at 3am was not very innocent and he did not say he had a girlfriend.
He was very remorseful and swore nothing like that had ever happened again. He tried to delete it from existence and immediately regretted it which is why he blocked and deleted her. When I asked why he said he hates himself deep down and is sad and was looking for validation but realized it was wrong and would’ve never gone through with hanging out with her, but did it for a validating text. I do believe he wouldn’t have done something physical but this was still terrible.
I’m just really shocked because I genuinely never had any suspicions about him and I’ve been cheated on in the past which he knows. He also doesn’t have a father figure because his dad cheated on his mom and he told me he’d never put someone through that. I’ve also done everything in my power to be transparent for him to feel secure in our relationship so this rlly hurt.
I’m no longer moving indefinitely and was planning on asking him to get back together before i found this. I feel sick thinking about how this happened a few days after we went camping (which was our favourite memory) meaning this happened while we were at our happiest point in the rs.
He said he will do everything in his power to regain my trust and be completely transparent. He also agreed to talk to a registered therapist in the army (as he works in the military). He acknowledged it was cheating and disloyal, was extremely apologetic and said most of all he is sorry he didn’t think about me in that moment and that it’s not who he is and he wants to be a better person for himself and for me.
I don’t think it was malicious and was a one time thing but I feel stuck because it happened before we had basically lived together for the school year. I really do love him and I know he does love and care about me and has been a great boyfriend otherwise but how could he go behind my back like that?
Thoughts/advice? (Sorry for the long text)