M24 is unsure about me after 4 months 24F
I met him in Jan and we started dating, initially I was not feeling much because i had unresolved feelings for a guy I was seeing who was avoidant and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling as intense.
M24 was good at communication, emotionally intelligent and I felt safe with him. I took two pauses in between one after our first date because I felt I wasn’t over the before guy and then was honest that I while I am getting to know him I am also processing something from my past in therapy then 2 months later again I took a pause because I felt like I didn’t want to hurt him and went for a last conversation with the guy where I realised that I had moved on from him and just needed to close that completely and I do Infact like the current guy.
I also learnt that intensity is not the same as safety and what I have with him is much more valuable than intense chemistry.
Now the thing is during all this he was extremely patient, understanding and communicative however once I was fully in he would say things like we are still getting to know each other there’s no pressure we can end it anytime.
We once had a discussion where he said that he struggles with this and is afraid of hurting someone or being hurt and something is blocking him from feeling sure yet and it happens to him at a 3-4 months mark where he realises things.
His last ex was an avoidant and they didn’t even say I love you to each other.
Now last weekend we had a sleepover for the first time and it was good I had a lot of fun but at times I could feel like I was more attentive to his needs than I am to his and that was triggering me a bit or idk if my body was sensing something
He asked me to meet his friends the next weekend and I agreed and after the sleepover I was looking for certainty or just confirmation of his feelings for me
Mid week we met for a walk and I was very agitated and my body was so reactive and in that moment I felt like he wasn’t taking care of me and when we were having a frustrating discussion where we both started to cry he said that maybe we are two different and I was taken aback because the issue was solvable.
He then went on to say that it’s been 3-4 months we have been seeing other but he still doesn’t feel sure of making it official of me of doesn’t feel as deeply as felt for his ex at a 4 month mark.
He said he’s not sure why as what we have is perfect and I am a gem of a person and she was an avoidant or it’s because he’s not able to feel deeply for me even after a sleepover which he technically should but he’s scared of hurting me and dragging me along because what if doesn’t increase even after sometime
He said he should feel a certain way by now based on the number of dates we have been 10+ dates and talking and having a sleepover but it’s lesser than it’s supposed to be.
How do I navigate this? This is the first guy in a long time who made me feel safe and secure but at the same time I don’t wanna ignore any red flags.