u/Environmental-Pick-4

I (26F) recently ended a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend (27M) because we wanted fundamentally different things in life.

The biggest issue was kids. I have ALWAYS known I do not want children. I genuinely believe that having a child and regretting it is far worse than not having a child and regretting that later.

My ex, however, always liked the idea of kids.

Initially he told me he was okay being childfree “for me,” but over time his actions said otherwise. He would make comments that implied he still wanted kids in the future, and whenever I tried having serious conversations about it, he’d push it away with “let’s discuss this later.”

That honestly made me trust him less.

I didn’t want to stay with someone who:

1. wasn’t sure what he wanted,

2. kept postponing major life conversations,

3. and might eventually resent me for not giving him children.

Eventually when we finally had THE conversation, he admitted that yes, he wants kids… but he also wants me.

That’s when I told him we should end things. Because what was the alternative here? Him giving up fatherhood and resenting me 10 years later? Or me becoming a mother against my will and ruining my own life?

Neither sounded fair. And honestly, this issue also connected to a deeper fear I had about marriage with him in general. I was never fully sure about marrying him because he often seemed uncertain about major life decisions. Meanwhile I’m someone who is very decisive once I know what I want.

Ironically, the fact that I wasn’t fully sure about marriage used to make HIM bitter. But from my perspective, how was I supposed to confidently marry someone who kept avoiding clarity about huge life choices?

So one day I finally said enough is enough and had the hard conversation. We ended things mutually, and I told him that ending a relationship at the 2 year mark is infinitely better than ending it after 4 years, or worse, after marriage and possible divorce.

Honestly, I think it was the bravest thing I’ve ever done because I still loved him while letting him go. I didn’t want to rob him of fatherhood if that’s what he truly wanted. And I knew I would never compromise on motherhood myself.

What annoyed me afterward was telling one of my girl best friends about this and hearing her say, “having a kid would’ve been worth it.” That response genuinely irritated me because why are women still expected to sacrifice their entire lives, bodies, identities, and futures just to preserve a relationship? Why is “just have the kid” always treated like the easier compromise? This isn't a sacrifice I'm supposed to make to keep a man.

Anyway, it's been 4 months since the break up. I don't regret it a bit and I'm glad I had the hard conversation with him that day rather than postponing it.

My best friend (late 20s, let's call her R) and I have been close for 13 years. Over time we grew into very different people. Her conversations were mostly about celebrity gossip and people's appearances, and whenever I tried to go deeper she'd call it boring. However, I stayed because of our history.

Three years ago, we went on a trip together and it was a disaster. She threw a fit on day one because she didn't like the photos I took of her, gave me the silent treatment for basically the entire trip, and on the way home got upset that I couldn't give her an instagram caption because I was answering a work message. We didn't speak for three months after. I decided I'd never travel with her again.

So when she invited me to Thailand I hesitated. But it had been three years. I gave it the benefit of doubt that people grow, and this time her sister would be coming too, so it wouldn't be just us. Before agreeing I asked her multiple times if she's sure about the trip, and if she's sure about bringing her sister. She said yes confidently every time. I went in with good faith but made one promise to myself: I was going to enjoy this trip no matter what, since this was my first international trip.

For context, R and her sister have a complicated history. But R chose to invite her, so I had no reason to think talking to her would be an issue. Within the first hour of the trip, I was having a conversation with the sister. R wasn't joining in and just shut down, silent treatment, one word answers, visible irritation.

I later pulled her aside to check in and she started shouting, asking why I was vibing with her sister and why I couldn't be normal since I'm usually such an aloof person. I tried to console her. It didn't work. She stayed cold and passive aggressive for the rest of the trip. After a point, I stopped trying to manage her mood and just enjoyed the trip.

On the day we flew home I got the news that my grandmother had passed away. I was crying at the airport. R was there and saw everything. The next day she ended our 13 year friendship over text. Knowing I had just lost my grandmother.

My honest first reaction was relief. I think I'd outgrown this friendship long before Thailand. The trip just made it impossible to ignore. But I've been sitting with whether I handled things on the trip the way I should have. AITA?

My best friend (late 20s, let's call her R) and I have been close for 13 years. Over time we grew into very different people. Her conversations were mostly about celebrity gossip and people's appearances, and whenever I tried to go deeper she'd call it boring. However, I stayed because of our history.

Three years ago, we went on a trip together and it was a disaster. She threw a fit on day one because she didn't like the photos I took of her, gave me the silent treatment for basically the entire trip, and on the way home got upset that I couldn't give her an instagram caption because I was answering a work message. We didn't speak for three months after. I decided I'd never travel with her again.

So when she invited me to Thailand I hesitated. But it had been three years. I gave it the benefit of doubt that people grow, and this time her sister would be coming too, so it wouldn't be just us. Before agreeing I asked her multiple times if she's sure about the trip, and if she's sure about bringing her sister. She said yes confidently every time. I went in with good faith but made one promise to myself: I was going to enjoy this trip no matter what, since this was my first international trip.

For context, R and her sister have a complicated history. But R chose to invite her, so I had no reason to think talking to her would be an issue. Within the first hour of the trip, I was having a conversation with the sister. R wasn't joining in and just shut down, silent treatment, one word answers, visible irritation.

I later pulled her aside to check in and she started shouting, asking why I was vibing with her sister and why I couldn't be normal since I'm usually such an aloof person. I tried to console her. It didn't work. She stayed cold and passive aggressive for the rest of the trip. After a point, I stopped trying to manage her mood and just enjoyed the trip.

On the day we flew home I got the news that my grandmother had passed away. I was crying at the airport. R was there and saw everything. The next day she ended our 13 year friendship over text. Knowing I had just lost my grandmother.

My honest first reaction was relief. I think I'd outgrown this friendship long before Thailand. The trip just made it impossible to ignore. But I've been sitting with whether I handled things on the trip the way I should have. AITA?