u/EnvironmentalBody722

Why the fuck am I (27M) doing this? Why am I sitting here comforting (25F) her about another man while I am barely holding my own shit together? Why am I always the guy who gets the 5 hour phone call? Why am I the guy who knows everything? Why am I the guy who gets the drunk confession, the ex story, the situationship disaster, the post-date embarrassment, the emotional breakdown?

Why am I apparently good enough to be trusted with the ugliest parts of someone's life but somehow never important enough for them to stop and ask what the fuck is happening in mine? Am I her friend? Or am I her free therapist?

Am I the emotional support department? The 24-hour customer service desk for romantic disasters? Do I get a little fucking certificate at the end? Congratulations. You have successfully listened to another woman talk about the man she's going to fuck instead of you. Your reward is being added to Close Friends.

And the worst part is, I don't even want her. That's what makes this so stupid. I don't want a relationship with her.

I don't want to date her. I'm not sitting here wishing she'd choose me over these guys.

I just want to feel like I exist in her life outside of what I can provide. I want her to know when I'm having a shitty day. I want her to ask about my problems and actually stay there for a while. I want to be more than the person who is awake at 3 AM when somebody else's life is collapsing.

Because sometimes it feels like I'm a side character in everyone's story. People come to me when their plot needs emotional exposition.

They tell me everything.

They cry.

They confess.

They rant.

They fuck up.

I listen.

I understand.

I comfort them.

And then their actual life continues.

There's another guy.

Another crush.

Another office flirt.

Another trip.

Another date.

Another person they suddenly care about.

And I'm standing somewhere just outside the frame, holding all the information that apparently makes me important but never important enough to actually be part of the scene.

And this isn't even the first time. I have another one who does almost the same thing. She'll lovebomb me, make me feel like I'm incredibly important, talk to me constantly, and then she'll start talking to some guy at work or go on some office trip and suddenly I don't fucking exist. And then she'll come back when she needs something. Mostly an emotional tampon.

So here I am again.

And I don't even know if I'm angry at them anymore.

Maybe I'm just tired.

Tired of being useful.

Tired of being understanding.

Tired of pretending I'm completely okay listening to things that quietly hurt me.

Tired of being the guy who says, “It's okay, don't blame yourself,” when some part of me is screaming, “What about me?” Maybe I'm not a free therapist. Maybe I'm just a friend. But sometimes I wonder if there's any difference when the friendship only seems to work in one direction.

And that's the part I can't tell anyone.

Because how do you explain this without sounding pathetic? “I'm upset because a girl I'm not even romantically interested in keeps telling me about the men she's sleeping with, and it makes me feel like I don't matter.”

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud.

But sitting here alone with it doesn't feel ridiculous.

It just feels fucking lonely.

Why the fuck am I doing this? Why am I sitting here comforting her about another man while I am barely holding my own shit together? Why am I always the guy who gets the 5 hour phone call? Why am I the guy who knows everything? Why am I the guy who gets the drunk confession, the ex story, the situationship disaster, the post-date embarrassment, the emotional breakdown?

Why am I apparently good enough to be trusted with the ugliest parts of someone's life but somehow never important enough for them to stop and ask what the fuck is happening in mine? Am I her friend? Or am I her free therapist?

Am I the emotional support department?The 24-hour customer service desk for romantic disasters? Do I get a little fucking certificate at the end? Congratulations. You have successfully listened to another woman talk about the man she's going to fuck instead of you. Your reward is being added to Close Friends.

And the worst part is, I don't even want her. That's what makes this so stupid. I don't want a relationship with her.

I don't want to date her. I'm not sitting here wishing she'd choose me over these guys.

I just want to feel like I exist in her life outside of what I can provide. I want her to know when I'm having a shitty day. I want her to ask about my problems and actually stay there for a while. I want to be more than the person who is awake at 3 AM when somebody else's life is collapsing.

Because sometimes it feels like I'm a side character in everyone's story. People come to me when their plot needs emotional exposition.

They tell me everything.

They cry.

They confess.

They rant.

They fuck up.

I listen.

I understand.

I comfort them.

And then their actual life continues.

There's another guy.

Another crush.

Another office flirt.

Another trip.

Another date.

Another person they suddenly care about.

And I'm standing somewhere just outside the frame, holding all the information that apparently makes me important but never important enough to actually be part of the scene.

And this isn't even the first time. I have another one who does almost the same thing. She'll lovebomb me, make me feel like I'm incredibly important, talk to me constantly, and then she'll start talking to some guy at work or go on some office trip and suddenly I don't fucking exist. And then she'll come back when she needs something. Mostly an emotional tampon.

So here I am again.

No messages today.

From either of them.

And I don't even know if I'm angry at them anymore.

Maybe I'm just tired.

Tired of being useful.

Tired of being understanding.

Tired of pretending I'm completely okay listening to things that quietly hurt me.

Tired of being the guy who says, “It's okay, don't blame yourself,” when some part of me is screaming, “What about me?” Maybe I'm not a free therapist. Maybe I'm just a friend. But sometimes I wonder if there's any difference when the friendship only seems to work in one direction.

And that's the part I can't tell anyone.

Because how do you explain this without sounding pathetic? “I'm upset because a girl I'm not even romantically interested in keeps telling me about the men she's sleeping with, and it makes me feel like I don't matter.”

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud.

But sitting here alone with it doesn't feel ridiculous.

It just feels fucking lonely.

Why the fuck am I doing this? Why am I sitting here comforting her about another man while I am barely holding my own shit together? Why am I always the guy who gets the 5 hour phone call? Why am I the guy who knows everything? Why am I the guy who gets the drunk confession, the ex story, the situationship disaster, the post-date embarrassment, the emotional breakdown?

Why am I apparently good enough to be trusted with the ugliest parts of someone's life but somehow never important enough for them to stop and ask what the fuck is happening in mine? Am I her friend? Or am I her free therapist?

Am I the emotional support department?The 24-hour customer service desk for romantic disasters? Do I get a little fucking certificate at the end? Congratulations. You have successfully listened to another woman talk about the man she's going to fuck instead of you. Your reward is being added to Close Friends.

And the worst part is, I don't even want her. That's what makes this so stupid. I don't want a relationship with her.

I don't want to date her. I'm not sitting here wishing she'd choose me over these guys.

I just want to feel like I exist in her life outside of what I can provide. I want her to know when I'm having a shitty day. I want her to ask about my problems and actually stay there for a while. I want to be more than the person who is awake at 3 AM when somebody else's life is collapsing.

Because sometimes it feels like I'm a side character in everyone's story. People come to me when their plot needs emotional exposition.

They tell me everything.

They cry.

They confess.

They rant.

They fuck up.

I listen.

I understand.

I comfort them.

And then their actual life continues.

There's another guy.

Another crush.

Another office flirt.

Another trip.

Another date.

Another person they suddenly care about.

And I'm standing somewhere just outside the frame, holding all the information that apparently makes me important but never important enough to actually be part of the scene.

And this isn't even the first time. I have another one who does almost the same thing. She'll lovebomb me, make me feel like I'm incredibly important, talk to me constantly, and then she'll start talking to some guy at work or go on some office trip and suddenly I don't fucking exist. And then she'll come back when she needs something. Mostly an emotional tampon.

So here I am again.

No messages today.

From either of them.

And I don't even know if I'm angry at them anymore.

Maybe I'm just tired.

Tired of being useful.

Tired of being understanding.

Tired of pretending I'm completely okay listening to things that quietly hurt me.

Tired of being the guy who says, “It's okay, don't blame yourself,” when some part of me is screaming, “What about me?” Maybe I'm not a free therapist. Maybe I'm just a friend. But sometimes I wonder if there's any difference when the friendship only seems to work in one direction.

And that's the part I can't tell anyone.

Because how do you explain this without sounding pathetic? “I'm upset because a girl I'm not even romantically interested in keeps telling me about the men she's sleeping with, and it makes me feel like I don't matter.”

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud.

But sitting here alone with it doesn't feel ridiculous.

It just feels fucking lonely.