u/EnvironmentalGood629

Hey community. I've come to realize more recently that I'm not sure I've ever experienced sexual attraction and have experienced romantic attraction only 2x in my life and I'm in my 30's.

I don't remember ever really focusing or caring about dating/sex in my teens and 20's until I hit 30 and was like huh, maybe I should do this thing that everyone is doing.

I know a lot of folks don't experience romantic attraction and have meaningful and happy romantic relationships. I feel quite stuck and a bit hopeless to be honest for my situation.

I have gone on dates with people that have been really lovely and there's a lot that's aligned but after having experienced that romantic attraction before, I do think I want that again in a romantic relationship because for me that romantic attraction is what I need to feel comfortable with touch (sensual touch).

I feel this tremendous sense of loss from knowing maybe I won't feel that attraction again and I'll have to just focus on what I can control and try + but also this weird societal shame of like, what happens if I'm in my 40's and 50's and have never had a long-term romantic relationship and people will not understand and judge me/shame me for it too (I have totally internalized some societal shame as well). I don't know - I feel a bit lost and confused with realizing a lot of stuff about my orientation recently (and also feeling very understood and seen) . I guess I also feel tired of trying and meeting lovely people and feeling like I'm going through the motions as the feeling doesn't grow .

Anyone go through something like this? How did you navigage? Any words of support would be so welcome too. Thanks community <3

Only this year have I started to get introduced to community and greyromanticism. I relate to a lot. I had some major health issues in my 20's and was really focused on recovery, but I spent a lot of time focused on my grad studies, my close friendships, my family relationships, my hobbies and never really once thought about dating and romance. There were 2 people in my adult life that I felt a romantic attraction too but some health stuff got in the way of things progressing and also because I was not communicating about my lack of interest in sex. I think I had crushes on people when I was a teenager but I honestly don't really know what type of crushes those were.

I am now in my mid 30's and I feel so much internalized societal shame about never being in a romantic relationship before. I had started dating and met some really lovely people but there was no romantic attraction and it felt very friendly/and like something was missing. I don't need a strong emotional connection to feel romantic/sexual attraction based on those 2 past experiences. I just get so scared and upset that I can't seem to 'turn on' feelings for people that are lovely........ I experience romantic attraction so infrequently.

I also sometimes think I experience the pressure to date so that I can have a romantic relationship and not feel societal shame about never having had a romantic relationship...... and sometimes I'm not sure if I actually care about dating. I do want companionship and partnership and intimacy and I feel more inclined to build that up in friendships and community.

Sometimes I get so confused about what I want vs what I think I should want. I also sometimes don't know how to answer when people on dates ask about my previous relationship history. I also don't know what the fuck to do with this shame and it's also sad that there is this societeal shaming/presure thing. I dunno, I just feel alone.

Any solidarity or perspective would be appreciated. I don't even know somtimes if my experices fit the grey romantic descriptor or not... I have felt super confused recently.

I feel very confused lately about my romantic and sexual orientation.

I put off dating in my teens and 20's due to some very severe health issues and started dating for the first time in my early 30's as a woman.

I've met some very nice and thoughtful men and would not want to see them after the 2nd-3rd date usually. Sometimes because they would over share really personal details early on (like the death of their family members or mental health struggles) but often times, the dates felt 'friendly' and overall nice, but there was no romantic attraction/physical attraction.

I can't ever remember having the desire for someone to kiss me or to have sex with someone. I enjoy p*** and don't struggle with libido when its non-partnered stuff. I do have some anxiety around sex because of 'inexperience' because I do not often wanting to have sex with people.

I don't need an emotional connection first to experience some romantic attraction/physical attraction and have felt a romantic/physical attraction to just 2 people in my life.

I really want the stability, intimacy and committment that a romantic partner could bring but I also have that in my friendships, and I don't know sometimes if I like the idea of romance more than the reality (I think I like the reality but zero experience to know for sure).

I've gone on so many dates in the last few years and I really don't think I'm avoiding intimacy or 'rejecting' people - I just feel like that romantic attraction/physical attraction is not there at the same time and doesn't grow with time. With those two people, I felt it fairly instantly and it grew in time.

I can't tell if my experiences relate more to being on the aromantic/asexual experience or if it's more of a matter of just not meeting enough people? I dunno- I'm confused as hell, and would love some thoughts. Thanks community.

I have a very long history of trauma and have had a lot of difficulties around sex and touch ( inappropiate experiences but honestly probably avoidance of intimacy).

I am finally now in a place in my very late 30's where I want to be alive, I no longer am coping in super risky ways, and have close friendships and a job I love and life is better than I ever thought possible.

I feel so much crippling shame around not having been in a serious romantic relationship (or any exclusive long-term relationship) ever. I feel so much shame for how difficulties with touch made it impossible for the majority of my life to want to be in a relationship, I feel shame about disclosing that I have zero long-term relationship experience because of my history, and I feel so much shame even telling my psychiatrist (I dunno why- this person saw me throughout my life and they saw the worst of it and I feel like they just see me as my problems (even though they are super kind)

It feels like i have finallly been able to be free of a life from cptsd and this feels like the one fucking haunting reminder of it, ya know? The shame is not even so much having zero romantic experience as it is the reminder of the reasons why and the fact that some people would understand my reasons/ and other people would judge.

Any solidarity in experience would be much appreciated ❤️