Honestly trying to understand. My wife (who was monogamous our entire 20-year relationship, until recently) has tried to explain it, but I’m curious to hear other insights too. No judgment, just looking for other points of view. Thanks.
Honest question. I’m relatively new to ENM, but have had completely zero success in meeting anyone since my wife and I opened our marriage six months ago. I’m on 4 dating apps, but aside from a couple of fun conversations (literally two), and a few where it started off well then she stopped replying, I’ve met no one. I’d consider myself above average looks-wise, and in conversations I don’t think I’m being too forward or too “nice guy.” I’m mostly looking at partners who label themselves non monogamous. Yet nothing. Then I’m on here reading about all of these ENM experiences other men are having. Where are you meeting partners? I should add that I work from home, but I do leave the house to run errands, drop the kids off at school, etc, so I do talk to women out in the world. But obviously I’m doing something wrong. Any ideas?
No advice requested, just needed to air my heavy feelings. My (M40s) wife (F40s) decided she’s poly, and I being the supportive husband chose to be ok with it. So now she is having the exciting, fulfilling sex life we haven’t had ever since life, stress, kids, etc killed our sexual chemistry. She loves me, but just doesn’t want me “that way” anymore. I also have freedom to date, but in the 6 months since this transition I haven’t had more than a few fun conversations, nothing real, and nothing physical with her or anyone. I feel alone, unwanted, and utterly sad. Leaving would ruin our kids the way my parents’ split ruined my childhood, I can’t do that to them. Something has to eventually change, but right now all I feel is empty. Thanks for listening.
Edit: Thanks for the comments. Yes, this would probably count as poly under duress, because it was never something I wanted to seek out; it was either give this a try or just be satisfied with nothing. We do hug, kiss, hold hands, etc, she just doesn’t have any sexual desire for me. We’re absolutely going to ENM-friendly counseling to figure that part out. I suspect and hope that if our marriage becomes whole and fulfilling to both of us again, she would gradually lose the need to be poly in the first place.