I don’t like my parents even though they’ve always been loving and provided for me.
This is something I’ve been thinking for a while and i genuinely don’t know if I’m the problem here.
On the surface my parents have been good parents. They’ve provided for me financially, given me things I’ve asked for and in their own way i know they care. Like i once casually mentioned my phone wasn’t working well anymore and they got me a phone worth around 2000 us dollars. Same with things like a ps5 for my birthday. So it’s not like they’ve been neglectful in that sense.
But despite all that, I don’t feel close to them at all. In fact i don’t trust them. And i think a big part of that comes from something that happened when i was around 14 or 15. Some cash went missing from the cupboard in our house. At the time only my mom and i were at home. My dad had apparently told my mom over the phone to give some money to someone he was sending but later he said the amount didn’t match what was actually kept there. It turned into a big argument between them when i came home later that night.
A couple of days later they sat me down for a talk. The tone was intense right from the start. They told me they knew i had taken the money and that it would be better if i just confessed. I had no idea what they were talking about and i kept denying it. But they didn’t stop. They got more aggressive, raised their voices and kept insisting i did it. Then they told me there was a hidden camera in the cupboard that recorded me taking the money and that there was even another person behind me in the footage.
I was terrified. I broke down crying but they kept going. After hours of this i genuinely started questioning myself. I remember thinking, “did i actually do this and somehow forget?” That’s how much they messed with my head. Then they escalated it further and said the money wasn’t even ours, it belonged to someone else and that person had gone to the police. They told me the police were reviewing the footage and would identify me and i should confess so they could handle the situation themselves or i might have to deal with the police by myself. So this went on for 4 to 5 hours.
And then suddenly they just stopped. They switched to a calm almost casual tone, they hugged me and said they believed me and knew i didn’t do it from the start. They said it was a test to see if i knew anything. They just a smiled and “it’s fine”.
That moment really messed me up. I was just a kid and they pushed me to the point where i doubted my own memory and sanity. And what makes it worse is that even now years later if i bring it up i know they would act like I’m overreacting and that i should just forget it. They would just tell me that it had to be done and i should also think from there prespective.
Well, that wasn’t the only thing either. Growing up my mom would share personal or embarrassing things about me with her friends even when i specifically asked her not to. It felt like my privacy didn’t matter.
She also have this habit of belittling me in front of others for the smallest things i do because she thinks it’ll motivate me to do better. It just made me feel small and i can see that people would then see me as weak and would still tear me as a kid.
Also a few months back we went on a family trip to another country. We were at a waterpark and my dad and i went to buy swimming costumes. There was a language barrier with the cashier so i had to use a translation app to communicate. At the time of billing my dad was already wearing his costume so he could go straight to the rides after i paid. I didn’t have enough cash on me at that time and my mom had the rest and she was sitting at a bench quite far away. Because of the language barrier and some confusion i ended up going back and forth between the shop and my mom to just get the money twice.
And during all this waiting my dad got frustrated. He suddenly snapped and started shouting at me in front of the cashier and other people around. He told me that he’s taking this stupid costume off if i don’t wanna pay and called both me and my mom dumb, then he just kept going off.
What bothered me the most wasn’t just that he got angry at me but how he handled it. We were in a completely different country, in public and it felt humiliating. That we’re being judged as people from that country we came from and this is how we represent ourselves. There were definitely better ways to handle that situation.
Now I’m 21. I don’t actually hate my parents i guess. I understand that they probably think they did what was right in those situations and i know they’ve done a lot for me in other ways. But i can never trust them.
And something that makes me feel even worse about myself is that when they’re sick or not doing well i don’t really feel anything. I don’t feel concerned the way i think i should. I just feel detached and i kind of hate that about myself. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
No matter how much they’ve provided i don’t feel safe opening up to them. They’re the last people I’d go to with anything personal and that feels wrong because they’re my parents. So idk if I’m wrong for feeling this way. Is it ungrateful to not like or trust your parents even if they’ve been loving and supportive in other ways?