u/ExoticAvocado4246

From now I will be living. For the shake of living. Not for thriving. No pursuing of any key to unlock secret of the universe. No pursue of greater good, but rather accepting the greater ghetto.
Thus I declare myself my first death.

Don't worry. Not gonna die literally.

It's the first death. 2nd death will come naturally. None of us will be able to control that.
And if they discover immortality, then I will opt out.
I don't want that.
This one has been enough to sustain.

If you are yet to accept your first death, let me let you know that that dagger will come from someone who is within an arm's distance from you.

Try to stop your first death. If you accept your first death then then you will barely have any concerns about your second death. Which may sound romantic. But believe me when I say "it's nothing to romanticize about". You don't want to go in that state.

.....

But hereby I declare that I accept my first death.
I am 34.

My 2nd life will probably continue for at least 22 more years.

Feel free to message me. But if you do, please don't ask me about me. I will prefer to forget my past life. But I will be happy to talk about you, or the weather, or Buddha.

They say that first stage of grief is denial. And for a loooong time I kept my calm, acting oblivious to all the signs that showed me how much deep shit I was into.

They say that 2nd stage is anger. And when I couldn't stay oblivious anymore, I had to calm my anger with substances.

They say that 3rd stage is where you bargain with God, make donations in the temple. And if you are atheist then you become spiritual all of sudden. And my journey into spirituality started when I was raging in anger.

They say that 4th stage is the dark alley of hopelessness and the alley is very very dangerous place to go through. The dark alley starts when you realise that God won't help you and spirituality won't work. And I may not be in the dark alley but I have realised that spirituality ain't gonna make any miracles. Most of the spiritual leaders are out there to exploit broken people with voodoo shit.

They say that the final stage is acceptance.

This model fits very well with me if the dark alley can start anywhere and end anywhere. Dark alley or no dark alley, I am yet to find my acceptance.

Let me know if it fits with you, too.

If I had to rephrase it as a question, then it would be 'what would you advise to someone whose every physical and internet neighbourhood is not a good company for him, like most humans, he has his needs, like talking to someone about coding results, job search, output, etc...?'

One thing that comes to my mind is what Ulysses did when he wanted to hear the song of the Sirens. But that won't be doable in my case.
I understand if my question is being too vague to give any suggestions.
Maybe you can give some tips for self-control.
Or I can just be fine with no one commenting because I understand that I am being too vague.
If any of you share your own story that is relevant in this context, then that will be very much welcomed too.

Edit: on a second thought, it just came to my mind that thirsty may not be an appropriate word, but that's just the usual proverb.