u/ExoticBunch6879

Am I driving myself crazy over relationship anxiety, or is this normal?

I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my relationship lately because of some changes in affection/sex patterns with my boyfriend, and this morning I literally had a dream that he cheated on me and woke up feeling sick to my stomach.

The thing is… realistically, he’s never actually given me a real reason to think he’s cheating.

We literally have each other’s locations, he isn’t weird or secretive with his phone, never hides notifications, never acts suspicious if I’m around, doesn’t randomly disappear, and honestly reassures me constantly that he loves me and is attracted to me.

A lot of this started after we hit a stressful life transition. We’re about to move in together, both stressed about the future, money, work, adult life, etc. At the same time, our sexual/affection patterns changed a little compared to the very beginning of the relationship. Less constant intensity, less “honeymoon phase” energy, less nonstop making out and excitement.

And I THINK logically that this might just be:

• us leaving the honeymoon stage
• stress affecting intimacy
• and me freaking out because this is actually my first healthy long-term relationship

I think part of me is so used to associating anxiety with relationships that now that I’m in something stable, my brain keeps searching for something wrong.

But ever since we had one emotional conversation a while back about stress/intimacy, I feel like my brain became hyper-alert to every tiny shift.

So now even having a dream about cheating has me spiraling and overanalyzing again.

I genuinely can’t tell if:

• my intuition is trying to tell me something OR
• my anxiety/insecurity has gotten so bad that now my subconscious is feeding into it too

Has anyone else experienced cheating dreams or relationship anxiety during the transition out of the honeymoon phase, especially in an otherwise healthy relationship?

Did things level out over time? Did you learn to relax and trust your partner more? Or was your anxiety actually picking up on something real?

Because logically, I know he hasn’t actually given me evidence of cheating… but emotionally my brain keeps searching for danger anyway.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22M) have been together for about 7 months, and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking everything or if something actually feels off.

For context, when we first started dating around September, things felt very intense in a good way. He was always trying to impress me, nervous about what I thought, very affectionate, very physically into me, etc. We mainly only saw each other on weekends because I was in college, so every time together felt exciting.

Sexually, we had a really good connection. A lot of kissing, oral, affection, making out randomly, touching, all of that. One thing though is that he’s always had some anxiety/performance issues around finishing. If he starts thinking too much, gets nervous, stressed, or feels pressure, he struggles to finish. He’s also on antidepressants, so I don’t know if that contributes too.

Then around 2 months ago, I started noticing a shift. Less random affection, less spontaneous kissing/making out, less initiating. He used to literally come over just to kiss me and say stuff like “I just wanted to make out with you.” That kind of thing barely happens now.

At the same time, he was under HUGE stress. We’re moving in together soon, he couldn’t find a job for a while, finances were stressing him out, and during one emotional conversation he even said maybe we should break up because he didn’t know if he “should be feeling more,” and because this is his first relationship, he doesn’t fully know what love is supposed to feel like.

That absolutely crushed me.

But afterward, he basically walked it back and said he thinks stress got to him. He said he DOES love me, wants a future with me, wants to move in together, is sexually attracted to me, etc. He reassures me constantly now.

Another important thing: during that breakup conversation, he admitted that part of the issue sexually was that he felt like our sex life had become too centered around pleasing me and giving me oral, and that he didn’t feel as included or desired in the way he personally likes. He’s much more submissive sexually, and he basically said he wants me to take more initiative and “go after what I want” instead of constantly asking for reassurance or trying to carefully plan/initiate sex.

Recently he even told me that me being hyper-aware of every little thing and constantly trying to discuss/schedule sex is making it feel less natural and less appealing in the moment. He said he wants things to feel more spontaneous and “in the moment” instead of analyzed all the time.

For example, he literally said sometimes he’d rather I just confidently initiate instead of overthinking everything first.

The issue is… I still can’t stop focusing on the behavioral shift.

We also have sex less often than before, and because of everything that happened, I became hyperaware of every little change. I started asking for reassurance a lot. Probably too much. But every single time, he strongly insists he’s still attracted to me and still loves me.

I even directly asked him if he had sat down and thought about whether he’s still sexually attracted to me, and he basically said he doesn’t need to “think” about it because he already knows he is.

But then my brain goes: “If that’s true, why does he feel less affectionate now?”

Part of me wonders if this is just:

• the honeymoon phase ending
• adult stress
• moving stress
• living together temporarily at his parents’ house
• sexual anxiety/performance pressure
• and me becoming hypervigilant and unintentionally making things feel “high pressure”

Another part of me is terrified he’s slowly losing feelings and I’m just getting reassured while ignoring signs.

The weird thing is, the more insecure I get, the MORE affectionate I become toward him because I’m scared of losing him.

So I genuinely can’t tell: Am I overthinking and accidentally sabotaging a good relationship because I’m anxious and constantly seeking reassurance?

Or does this actually sound like someone slowly losing attraction/feelings?

Do long-term relationships and sex naturally go through phases/ebbs and flows like this, especially during stressful life transitions?

And honestly… what should I even be doing here? Pull back? Relax? Trust him? Stop analyzing everything? Or is this the kind of situation where I should be considering walking away?

I really love him and I feel like I’m driving myself insane trying to analyze every tiny change.

My boyfriend and I are about to move in together, and I think we’re both a little stressed about the transition. Lately we also haven’t been having as much sex, which has been making me anxious because intimacy is really important to me in relationships.

We’ve never had this issue before and our sex was very natural and great but recently I’ve brought it up and we talked about it a few times, and he told me he thinks part of the issue is that he’s more into submissive dynamics sexually and likes when his partner is more assertive/dominant. He said because he’s already stressed mentally, when I try to repeatedly kiss on him or kinda softly ease into things while trying to get him in the mood, it can sometimes have the opposite effect and make things feel more pressured instead of naturally turning him on. He said he’s more attracted to confidence/directness and likes when someone just goes after what they want more.

The thing is, I’ve mostly only had very vanilla relationships before, so being more dominant/assertive is pretty new to me. I’m open to trying because I do care about him and I don’t necessarily dislike the idea, but I also can’t tell if this is a normal compatibility adjustment or if I should see it as some kind of red flag.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic shift in a relationship? Especially gay couples moving in together/stress affecting intimacy? And for people who are more naturally submissive, what actually makes you feel desired or turned on by a partner?

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to move in together soon, and lately I’ve been struggling emotionally with where our relationship is at sexually/intimately. For context, about 2 months ago we almost broke up because he was worried he was “holding me back” and had a lot of anxiety surrounding the relationship. It’s his first real relationship, so I tried to be understanding and patient through all of that. At one point, he also told me he wanted to do more stuff sexually because he felt like all the times we had done things before weren’t always fully enjoyable for him, which honestly stuck with me mentally. Fast forward to now, we recently had another conversation because I’ve been feeling like our sexual chemistry is really low lately. He says he’s under an extreme amount of stress about moving, life, everything, and that he genuinely “can’t think about anything else” right now. He’s reassured me multiple times that he still loves me, is sexually attracted to me, wants to move in together, etc. and I do believe he’s being honest. But at the same time, I’m stressed too, and I still naturally want intimacy and closeness with my partner. I feel confused because I don’t know if this is just a temporary stress-related thing or if stress can genuinely affect someone’s sex drive that heavily. I think what’s hurting me most is that I don’t want intimacy to feel forced, scheduled, or dependent on me initiating every single time. I want to feel wanted too, and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling desired in the relationship. For people who’ve moved in with partners or gone through stressful life transitions together, how did stress affect your intimacy/sexual chemistry? Did it eventually balance back out once life settled down? And how did you navigate conversations about mismatched intimacy needs without either person feeling pressured?

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to move in together soon, and lately I’ve been struggling emotionally with where our relationship is at sexually/intimately. For context, about 2 months ago we almost broke up because he was worried he was “holding me back” and had a lot of anxiety surrounding the relationship. It’s his first real relationship, so I tried to be understanding and patient through all of that. At one point, he also told me he wanted to do more stuff sexually because he felt like all the times we had done things before weren’t always fully enjoyable for him, which honestly stuck with me mentally. Fast forward to now, we recently had another conversation because I’ve been feeling like our sexual chemistry is really low lately. He says he’s under an extreme amount of stress about moving, life, everything, and that he genuinely “can’t think about anything else” right now. He’s reassured me multiple times that he still loves me, is sexually attracted to me, wants to move in together, etc. and I do believe he’s being honest. But at the same time, I’m stressed too, and I still naturally want intimacy and closeness with my partner. I feel confused because I don’t know if this is just a temporary stress-related thing or if stress can genuinely affect someone’s sex drive that heavily.I think what’s hurting me most is that I don’t want intimacy to feel forced, scheduled, or dependent on me initiating every single time. I want to feel wanted too, and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling desired in the relationship. For people who’ve moved in with partners or gone through stressful life transitions together, how did stress affect your intimacy/sexual chemistry? Did it eventually balance back out once life settled down? And how did you navigate conversations about mismatched intimacy needs without either person feeling pressured?