I genuinely cannot understand this breakup
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We fell in love during college, and our relationship has always been very deep emotionally. Last year, around this same time, he said he wanted a break because he felt mentally exhausted. We talked through it, decided to work on things together, and after that our relationship became stable again.
A few days ago, we had an argument, and suddenly he said, “I’m done with you.” When I kept asking him why, he explained that the main issue is that our thought processes don’t match during conflicts. According to him, this is the only major issue between us.
He told me that whenever it comes to me, he becomes emotionally overwhelmed and “submissive,” and that he always takes my problems onto himself. He said he realized over time that constantly carrying my emotional burdens made him feel suffocated and mentally exhausted, even though he still loves me deeply.
We spoke on call for almost two hours after this, and honestly, that was the first time in all these years that I truly heard him break down emotionally and cry openly while talking to me.
During that conversation:
- He said he still loves me and cares about me completely.
- He said not even “an ounce” of his love has disappeared.
- He said he feels like he may never fall in love with anyone else again.
- He pointed out faults on both sides and said both of us need to work on ourselves individually.
- He officially said he wants to break up and does not want to give me false hope.
- But at the same time, he also said that maybe in the future, if either of us feels like reconnecting, we can talk things out properly and see whether we can get back together.
- He said that if we ever got back together again, there should be “no going back” after that.
- He even said that if I truly wanted to marry him in the future, and circumstances from his side supported it, he would marry me.
Even after saying all this, he still checks on me, asks whether I ate, and makes sure I’m okay.
I’m extremely confused because his words and actions feel contradictory. He says he loves me deeply and still cares about me, but also says he wants to end the relationship because it has become emotionally suffocating for him.
I genuinely love him and saw a future with him, and honestly, I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I want honest outside perspectives because emotionally I’m struggling to think clearly right now.