u/Exotic_Lion9216

I’m a 25 year old guy from Punjab and I genuinely need outside perspective on a family land dispute situation because mentally it’s starting to affect me badly.

My father passed away in 2020. Since then it’s mostly been me and my mother handling everything. There has been tension regarding ancestral land for many years, even before my father died. My tau used to pressure my father regarding land matters but my father would always delay it by saying “later” and nothing ever got settled.

Last year my tau also died. After that, tau’s son started indirectly bringing up the land issue with me. I told him clearly that if there is any discussion, it should happen properly in front of elders and my maternal uncles, not through pressure or random talks. Since then, nothing concrete happened. He works labour in Dubai so he doesn’t stay in India long either.

The problem is the family environment has become very toxic and manipulative. Most of my buas support tau’s side. Me and my mother often feel isolated. At bhogs and family gatherings there have been disrespectful comments and provoking behaviour towards us. Tau’s son has also tried provoking me multiple times, especially while drunk. He has abused me and even insulted my parents before, but I controlled myself and didn’t react physically.

I’ll be honest, earlier I was very hot headed and aggressive mentally. I used to think in terms of dominance, revenge and “showing strength.” But recently I realised that every time I let anger control me, my life becomes more messy. I don’t want violence, police cases or lifelong enmity.

Now I’m confused about what the correct path is.

Some relatives suggested settling the land matter through money instead of continuing this tension for generations. Part of me thinks peace is more important now. Another part of me feels emotionally hurt because of the disrespect and manipulation.

I also recently found out my mamaji has leukemia and has been on chemo for years. That situation changed my perspective a lot about life, family and conflict. Seeing illness in the family made me realise how small ego battles can become.

Right now I feel emotionally detached from almost everyone. I don’t even feel like attending future family functions because I don’t want my mother getting insulted again and I would do proper injury to them ending myself in prison (which they want)

I just want honest advice from neutral people:

- Should I continue to go to their bhogs, ceremonies and just get my mom and me insulted for a 2.5 acre land repeatedly

- Is money settlement smarter in these situations?

- Is it better to disengage completely, break all relation with my paternal side , fk off the land and focus on building your own life?

Im tired of this e20 bullsit

I was never this type of guy from childhood and teenage

I was an outgoing, high vibe, Full of friends and fun person

And my childhood was full of fun,games etc.

Now im 24 year old

The betrayls and real snake faces of my old friends I found led to my circle shrink to 0 friend nearby

I moves to new city and msde friends but they are just purposeful people and themselves struggle in their life for different purposes

But after college my life became extremely depressed

I had multiple relationships I teenage but now I became a loner , just goons and drinks alcohol

Rarely focuses on health now

Earlier I was a fitness freak in teenage and childhood years.

But now my mind only focuses on how can I make more money . This behavior led to me now having no lose daily companion friends in my area .

Another encounter too destroyed me

A 35 year old alcoholic guy in ny neighborhood gained my trust . He rode with me chilling on my motorcycle etc.

He asked for money repeated that he would take my money and do my setting with pr#titute

But infact he didnt did anything just spent my money himself drinking alcohol not even giving me anything

He ate chicken , drank alcohol didnt gave ne anything

But main point is one day I was a little drunk riding my motorcycle and thn I saw him in woods and he said me that he is alone, his wife is undergoing second pregnancy so he is stressed

He said lets we both goon each other

He tried to goon me but i dont get aroused by a man

So I said ill goon u instead , I gooned him and then ge washed my hands from his cloth and I left

I realized what I did was gae stuff and shameful

So I never met him again

That guy one time tried to come in way of my bike but now I ignored.

Whenever I pass near that guy house I feel shameful for being such an idiot.

He ate my money and used me as gooner

I have a large no. Of incidents but this one was that hurts me till today .

And after his incident I lost trust in people that people just want to eat your money or use u.

So I now stay extremely alone In a room just with my phone.

I goon every weekend bcoz I have no gf and has high stress

This habit leading to my depression, prolonged isolation and muscle loss