r/PunjabiGenZ

Is sugar dating common in Punjabis .. how can i find sugar baby

Bro I genuinely don't even know what to think anymore so I just wanted to put this somewhere and get some opinions.

Basically my brother got a girlfriend around 3.5 years ago. Both of them are in govt jobs and they met because they were posted at the same place.

After around 6 months of dating, my brother finally told our family about her. At that time he was getting a LOT of rishtas and my mom was like why do you keep making excuses, if you don't want to get married just tell us. That's when he told us that there's a girl he loves and that they want to get married eventually.

My mom actually didn't have a problem with it because she's from the same caste as us. She was like okay, if you both are serious then let's talk to her family.

But the problem was that the girl couldn't tell her family about him.

She doesn't have a mother. She only has her father and elder brother, and they're both quite strict. She was scared to directly tell them about a love marriage. Her father is also the type who cares a LOT about what relatives will say.

My mom told my brother that she needs to eventually talk to them because we can't keep waiting forever. She even said that she's younger than him by around 3 years, so even if she needs some time that's okay, but my brother's age is also going up and he's getting rishtas, and if he keeps rejecting them for years then what?

But my brother was like she will convince her father, she has told me she won't marry anyone else, just give her some time.

And honestly we trusted them.

Over the last 1.5 years or so, she has also become really close to my mom. They talk on the phone for HOURS 😭. Like sometimes I genuinely feel my mom loves her more than me lol. They're both very open minded and get along really well.

And the girl knew EVERYTHING about our family from the beginning. My brother had told her about our financial situation, property, everything. Her family is actually somewhat better off than us and they own more property. She knew that from the beginning and she never had a problem with it.

She always said that both of them earn, they're compatible, they love each other and that's what matters.

Now here's where everything went completely insane.

Last month, she got a rishta from a very well-off family with a lot of property. Her family started pressuring her to say yes.

So finally she told her elder brother about my brother.

She showed him their pictures, told him about their relationship, even showed him pictures of our house and told him how much property we have.

Her brother basically said everything else about our family was fine, but the property was less than theirs and their father wouldn't agree.

Her brother was apparently okay with the relationship himself, but said their father would never agree because of the financial/property difference.

Eventually she told her father too.

He didn't really say anything at first.

Now I should also explain something about her because I honestly feel so bad for her.

She is genuinely one of the most responsible people I've seen.

She works a government job and sometimes does double shifts just so she can get a holiday after a week and go home.

Why?

Because her father lives alone.

Her brother is also working in another district, so she goes home every week and basically cleans the entire house, cooks, washes clothes, takes care of everything and then comes back to work.

She doesn't have a mother to help with any of this.

And she gives around 2/3 of her salary to her father's account.

She's basically spent years taking care of her family and never really asking for anything for herself.

So when she finally wanted something for herself, you'd think they would at least listen.

But no.

When she went home the next time, her father straight up said he wasn't agreeing to the marriage.

His reason?

"They have less property than us. What face will I show my relatives?"

Like bro WHAT 😭

My mom actually told her something like, “If your father isn't agreeing, then listen to him and marry wherever he wants you to. We'll explain it to our son (my brother).” And honestly, my mom wasn't saying this because she doesn't support their relationship. She actually loves the girl and talks to her for hours. She just feels that if her father genuinely won't agree, she shouldn't destroy her relationship with her family either, especially because she doesn't have a mother and her father lives alone.

And I do understand that to an extent.

But I'm like... what about compatibility?

You're asking your daughter to marry some random guy because his family has more property. What if they aren't compatible? What if she isn't happy? What if the guy is completely different from what they expect?

You're potentially destroying three people's lives just to satisfy relatives.

Anyway, her elder brother eventually started crying in front of their father and telling him to at least give her a chance. He apparently told him something like what will we do if she takes some bad step, just let her decide.

So her father finally said okay, we'll at least find out about the family and see what they're like.

Then somehow they apparently heard that we don't own any land.

That was completely false.

We don't own as much property as them, yes, but we DO own property/land and we had all the documents.

We sent her the actual papers and everything to prove it.

And even after seeing the documents, her father went back to saying he still isn't agreeing to the marriage.

At this point I don't even know if property was ever the real issue.

Because if you are shown proof that what you heard was false and you STILL refuse, then what exactly is the problem?

And now every week when she goes home, she's mentally tortured over this.

Her family keeps calling her when she's at work too, saying the same things over and over again.

She's already exhausted from work and travelling back and forth every week, and then she has to deal with all this at home.

But then THIS WEEK it got even worse.

She went home and her father actually beat her.

And now they're saying they're getting her married to an NRI guy.

And they're telling her to RESIGN FROM HER GOVERNMENT JOB.

A job she worked so hard to get.

So basically their solution is: marry a guy she doesn't know, move abroad, quit the job she worked incredibly hard for, and become financially dependent on him.

Like... how is that supposed to be safer for her?

Nobody even knows what this guy is like. He could be perfectly fine, but they don't know him. Having money or living abroad doesn't automatically make someone a good husband.

And honestly I feel like they just want her out of the country so there is no possibility of her continuing her relationship with my brother.

When she came back from home this time, she hadn't eaten properly and was crying constantly.

And her brother has also been calling her and telling her that she's destroying their mental peace and basically saying things like she wants their father to die just like their mother did.

She's already being beaten and pressured into giving up her job and marrying someone she doesn't know, and on top of that she's being made to feel guilty for ruining her family's life because she wants to choose her own partner.

I genuinely don't know what the fuck to think.

And then there's my brother.

He's basically told her:

"Whatever decision you take, I'll be happy. Just think about your father first and then think about me."

And since then he's been completely silent.

He's barely eating properly.

He's staying in his room.

He's sad all the time.

And I know he's trying not to put any more pressure on her, but bro I can literally see that he's fucking broken.

And this is where I have VERY mixed feelings.

One part of me is angry at her.

Because bro... she knew our family wasn't as financially well-off as hers FROM THE BEGINNING.

My brother told her everything.

She knew about our property situation.

She knew what kind of family we are.

And if she already knew her family would never accept someone who had less property than them, then why did this go on for 3.5 years?

My brother could've gotten married years ago.

He rejected so many rishtas because he was waiting for her.

And now I'm scared that even if this relationship doesn't work out, he isn't going to have an arranged marriage either. He's too attached to her and I know him. He'll probably just stay single rather than marry someone else.

Meanwhile her family might just marry her off to whoever they choose.

And THAT is what makes me so fucking angry.

At the same time, I feel horrible for her.

Because I can't even imagine being in her position.

She has spent her entire life taking care of her family. She works, gives most of her salary to her father, travels home every week, cooks, cleans, takes care of the house, never asks for much...

And the one time she says "I want this person. I want this life."

Suddenly everyone is against her.

And then they're using her own love for her father against her.

I also can't stop thinking about how lucky I am that my own parents aren't like this.

Because if I love someone and want to spend my life with them, I genuinely believe it's MY life.

Of course parents can advise you. They can tell you if they think you're making a mistake. They can worry about your future.

But forcing you to marry someone because he has more property or lives abroad?

I don't understand it.

And honestly I don't even know who I'm supposed to be angry at anymore.

I feel bad for my brother because he's lost years waiting for someone he genuinely loves.

I feel bad for her because she's being pulled apart by her own family.

I feel angry at her because I feel like this should have been dealt with years ago.

And I feel angry at both families because somehow two adults who have been together for 3.5 years, both have stable government jobs, know each other's financial situations and genuinely want to be together are now in this mess because one family cares more about property and relatives' opinions than compatibility.

I don't know what the right answer is anymore.

I just know watching both of them go through this fucking sucks.​​​

ਅਸੀ ਜਿੱਥੇ ਰਹਿੰਦੇ ਸੀ। ਉਹ ਜ਼ਮੀਨ ਪੁਰਾਤਨ ਵਿਭਾਗ ਦੇ ਕੋਲ਼ ਚਲੀ ਗਈ। ਸਾਡਾ ਅਦਾਲਤ ਚੇ ਕੇਸ ਵੀ ਚੱਲਦਾ ਰਿਹਾ ਪਰ ਕੁੱਛ ਵੀ ਨ੍ਹੀ ਬਣਿਆ। ਅਖੀਰ ਚੇ ਅਸ਼ੀ ਚੰਗੀ ਜੀ ਥਾ ਵੇਖ ਕੇ ਜ਼ਮੀਨ ਲੇ ਲੀ। 2 ਸਾਲ ਪਹਿਲਾ 10 ਲੱਖ ਦਾ ਲੋਨ ਬੈਂਕ ਤੋ ਤੇ ਐਪਾ ਤੋਂ 3 ਲੱਖ ਦਾ ਅਤੇ ਕ੍ਰੈਡਿਟ ਕਾਰਡ ਤੋਂ 2 ਲੱਖ ਲੈ ਕੇ ਘਰ ਬਣਾ ਲਿਆ। ਅਸੀ ਔਖੇ ਹੋ ਕੇ 2 ਸਾਲ ਮਿਹਨਤ ਕਰਕੇ ਕਰਜਾ ਥੋੜਾ ਲਾ ਤਾਂ। ਪਰ ਇਸ ਸਾਲ ਫਰਬਰੀ ਚੇ ਮੇਰੀ ਵਡੀ ਭੈਣ 31 ਸਾਲਾਂ ਦੀ ਹੋ ਗਈ ਸੀ। ਰਿਸ਼ਤੇਦਾਰਾਂ ਨੂੰ ਆਖ਼ ਕੇ ਅਸ਼ੀ ਅਪ੍ਰੈਲ ਚੇ ਭੈਣ ਦਾ ਵਿਆਹ ਕਰਵਾ ਤਾ। ਸਾਰੇ ਰਿਸ਼ਤੇਦਾਰ ਨੇ ਬੁਹੁਤ ਮਦਦ ਕੀਤੀ। ਤੇ ਮੇਰੀ ਭੈਣ ਦਾ ਚੰਗੇ ਘਰ ਰਿਸ਼ਤਾ ਹੋ ਗਿਆ। ਉਹਨੇ ਸਾਨੋ ਦੋਵਾਂ ਭਰਾਵਾਂ ਨੂੰ ਮਾਂ ਤਰ੍ਹਾਂ ਪਾਲਿਆ। ਅੱਜ ਵੀ ਉਹ ਵਿਚਾਰੀ ਸਾਡੀ ਫਿਕਰਾ ਕਰਦੀ ਹੈ। ਮੇਰੇ ਡੈਡੀ ਜੀ ਮੇਰੇ ਨਿੱਕੇ ਹੁੰਦੇ ਤੋ ਹੀ ਬਿਮਾਰ ਸੀ ਕਾਫ਼ੀ ਇਲਾਜ ਕਰਵਾਇਆ ਆਖਿਰ ਹੋਣ ਉਹ ਠੀਕ ਨੇ ਚੰਗੀ ਤਰ੍ਹਾਂ। ਸਭ ਕੁਸ਼ ਠੀਕ ਸੀ ਪਰ ਪਿਸਲੇ ਮਹੀਨੇ ਮੇਰੀ ਜੌਬ ਚਲੀ ਗਈ। ਹੋਣ ਸਿਰਫ ਮੇਰੇ ਵੱਡੇ ਭਰਾ ਦੇ ਸਿਰ ਤੇ ਸਾਰੀਆ ਕਿਸਤਾ ਤੇ ਘਰ ਚੱਲ ਰਿਹਾ। ਮੇਰਿਆ ਤਾਂ ਸਾਰੀਆ ਕਿਸਤ ਬਾਉਂਸ ਹੋ ਰਹੀਆ ਨੇ। 7 ਲੱਖ ਤਾਂ ਲੋਕਾਂ ਤੇ ਰਿਸ਼ਤੇਦਾਰ ਤੋ ਲਿਆ ਹੋਇਆ। ਅਗਲੇ ਮਹੀਨੇ ਸਾਨੂੰ 1.5 ਲੱਖ ਵਾਪਿਸ ਕਰਨੇ ਸੀ ਪਰ ਪਤਾ ਨਹੀਂ ਕਿਵੇ ਕਰੀਏ। ਲੋਨ ਆਲੇ ਵੀ ਘਰ ਆ ਕੇ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦੇ ਰਹਿੰਦੇ ਨੇ। ਮੈਂਨੂੰ ਨਹੀਂ ਸਮਝ ਆ ਰਿਹਾ ਕੀ ਕਰਾ ਕਿਵੇਂ। ਮੈ ਆਪਦੇ ਭਰਾ ਨੂੰ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਵਾਰ ਜਿੰਦਗੀ ਚੇ ਇੰਨਾ ਪਰੇਸ਼ਾਨ ਵੇਖਿਆ। ਮੈਂਨੂੰ ਨਹੀਂ ਪਤਾ ਮੈਂ ਕੀ ਕਰਾ। ਤੁਸੀ ਜੇ ਮੇਰੀ ਥਾਂ ਤੇ ਹੁੰਦੇ ਤਾਂ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਹੈਂਡਲ ਕਰਦੇ।

Basically today i went for outing with my friends, we were going to gurdwara Sahib, anybody worried about our dress code , we were wearing full sleeves shirt, baggy pants and obviously chunni over it to cover our head, basically some bihariss cat called firstly I mean they literally have ruined the state, and then a Singh passed by , the one who wear chola , blue dastar, we were discussing like these singhs are good, and imagine what happened next a Singh , blue dastar , chola payia hoia c did the same Shi, man idk we got so disappointed, like je ehi lashan krne ne fer guru da bana kio pyia , why to disrespect it i mean eww yaar , and catcalling is so common, I feel bad literally, it was 4:30 pm in evening taan enna hnera vi nii hoia c 🥀 i mean dfaaakkk and some lame ahhh nigga literally screamed so loud we literally got a heart attack, fuck these lame people mann

Born and brought up in Amritsar, I studied outside of Punjab. I worked with CMs of Bengal, TN, Telangana and Karnataka. However, as soon as I step back into Punjab, I realise how our people lack understanding, skills, knowledge and opportunities. There are opportunities, I know at least 10 companies are hiring, but all are unable to find good resources.

I am thinking with friends from New York and Bangalore to set up a modern-style skill school.

What do our GenZ think about this idea?

I’m only asking this because Pakistan seems to be trying to erase their Punjabi history. Wearing Arabic clothing, replacing Punjabi language, imitating Arab culture. Not even following Punjabi religions. What’s the deal?

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Meri gf mainu meri part-time music career ch bahut support kardi aa.

Oh jado kise da makeup karke ya mehndi laga ke paise kamaundi aa, ohna paisean naal kai vaar mere music de kam ch meri help kardi aa.

Mere layi eh sirf paise di gall nahi aa. Mainu sab ton zyada eh cheez matter kardi aa ki oh mere dream te believe kardi aa te meri journey ch mere naal khadi aa.

Jadon tuhadda partner apni mehnat naal kamaye paisean naal tuhade dream nu support kare, oh feeling hi different hundi aa. ❤️

she helps me mentally, physically, financially, emotional every kind of these things.

Honestly, I’m really grateful for her. 🙏

I’m Punjabi. Like, actually a Punjabi Hindu. And bro, people genuinely don’t get it. I feel like fellow Hindu Punjabis will understand what I mean. People just don’t take us seriously sometimes.

Punjabi, yeah, it’s kinda painful when people act like Punjabis automatically means Sikh. Like bro, Punjabi Hindus exist too 😭

I live in Lucknow, UP, and honestly, I miss Punjab a lot. I wasn’t raised there or anything—I was born in Lucknow—but Punjab still feels like home somehow. I feel connected to it even though I didn’t grow up there.

And another thing… I genuinely can’t find a Punjabi girl to be my girlfriend . Meanwhile, The bihari and UP guys in my school have Punjabi girlfriends. Like bro, what am I doing wrong 💀

Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling this